Sometimes when I say "no thanks" to an offered cigarette, the person making the offer will nod as if remembering something and answer, "Oh right, healthy American." ( ha ha )
you are right. i'm using an old term with a misleading connotation, more from laziness than having thought about it. "safe sex," what does it even mean? the definition varies from person to person and, as you point out, encompasses not merely physical practices but the psychological boundaries of trust.
my desire: to be in a monogamous relationship with a man who is hiv negative and to exchange lots of cum with him. i don't talk about that desire much because it creeps out even my own politics. the facts: my last two boyfriends were hiv positive. i'm single now but still negative. when i do have butt-sex i use condoms because, even if a guy told me he was negative i'd want to "play it safe."
clearly i don't trust my fellow human beings, but i have evidence to support that hesitancy. men do lie. men do tell what they think is the truth, but sometimes that truth is based on old or misinformation.
let's face it, even people in monogamous relationships have gotten infected. i wouldn't extend my mistrust to a lover, but there's evidence there as well that a person's word can be much thinner than a condom. you just have to make each decision on your own. i have a series of "personal rules" that would get laughed out of any safe sex court (if such a nightmare existed). i suck, but don't swallow. i use a condom for penetration ... but, because i have no precum, i allow myself to "tease the hole" without a rubber. both of those rules are in very muddy territory. then again, i don't have a lot of sex and i get tested every couple of years. some people who are hiv positive will have unprotected sex with other poz men in spite of the fact that reinfection with different strains o the virus is possible. it comes down to personal decisions and what feels like quality of life. i'm a bad spokesperson for either side because my choices are so randomly middle ground (can a person be "sort of safe"? not really).
and i'd like to make the argument that "safe sex" / "condomless sex" is not a gay issue but a sex issue. yet i know many heterosexual women who feel the only protection they need is from pregnancy. heterosexual men probably give it even less thought. they know that they are in a low-risk group, so who am i to condemn their choices?
by the way, what are you reading? is it theory, politics, porn, all of the above?
my desire: to be in a monogamous relationship with a man who is hiv negative and to exchange lots of cum with him. i don't talk about that desire much because it creeps out even my own politics.
the facts:
my last two boyfriends were hiv positive. i'm single now but still negative. when i do have butt-sex i use condoms because, even if a guy told me he was negative i'd want to "play it safe."
clearly i don't trust my fellow human beings, but i have evidence to support that hesitancy.
men do lie.
men do tell what they think is the truth, but sometimes that truth is based on old or misinformation.
let's face it, even people in monogamous relationships have gotten infected. i wouldn't extend my mistrust to a lover, but there's evidence there as well that a person's word can be much thinner than a condom. you just have to make each decision on your own. i have a series of "personal rules" that would get laughed out of any safe sex court (if such a nightmare existed).
i suck, but don't swallow.
i use a condom for penetration ... but, because i have no precum, i allow myself to "tease the hole" without a rubber.
both of those rules are in very muddy territory. then again, i don't have a lot of sex and i get tested every couple of years.
some people who are hiv positive will have unprotected sex with other poz men in spite of the fact that reinfection with different strains o the virus is possible. it comes down to personal decisions and what feels like quality of life. i'm a bad spokesperson for either side because my choices are so randomly middle ground (can a person be "sort of safe"? not really).
and i'd like to make the argument that "safe sex" / "condomless sex" is not a gay issue but a sex issue. yet i know many heterosexual women who feel the only protection they need is from pregnancy. heterosexual men probably give it even less thought. they know that they are in a low-risk group, so who am i to condemn their choices?
by the way, what are you reading? is it theory, politics, porn, all of the above?
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