First. Thank you for leaving my page open. I've done that on occasion, left the page there on the screen as a reminder to read, comment on, watch, or research something. And second, thanks for following up.
Yes, the last minute. I hate to leave things to that but sometimes it just happens. Sometimes--along with those horrible panic attacks--great work is done in that rush that never would have been done otherwise. It's not the sort of thing that you--or I should say "I" (some people do thrive on this)--should count on. It is nice however when it happens.
Regarding sex ... I think you are smart, maybe even brave, to admit you don't know exactly what you like in (or out) of bed. In our day, people, and perhaps more so queer men, have their preferences and sexual wish-lists down to a science. They are so hyper aware of what they're looking for, that it can blind them from finding out what they might not know they like. It's like that art that is made at the last minute. Sure, you want to avoid the risk and uncertainty that comes from piecing together a show the night before, but if you never do that, you'll never find the kind of happy accidents that truly shape what you do and speak more directly from your gut impulse, aka your heart.
The truth is, I also don't know exactly what I like in sex, except that a large part of it comes from who I am having it with. In other words, it changes from person to person, and "knowing what you like" eliminates that flexibility. When I say I like "boring sex," in part what I mean is I like it unplanned and easy going. I don't like the sort of sex that comes with a do-list of activities or expectations. A checked off list is what the list holders think of as, a hot night. To me, THAT is boring. I'd rather just lie with a guy and see where our impulses take us, be it to conversation or gymnastics or anything in-between. I call it "boring" because my experience has taught me that most of the time, it's not the sort of things one sees in pornography that people really want, rather the simple joy of human contact. Being with a good person who also happens to turn you on is a great thrill. Everything thing else is icing ... and frankly, I'm often fine without icing.
i think the one *key* thing i've 'learned' being an obsessive person who often gets lumped in with 'snobs,' in terms of virtually anything, is that the best thing to do is if you don't know about something, don't say that you do :)
a checklist for sex sounds boring for me, even as often as i try to quantify so much of my life with lists and numbers. sex is certainly best when it goes in it's own direction, and i think also best when it's different than it's been before; or if not different, then new? a familiar 'new,' i guess.
i'll agree with the just 'being with' too. simple pleasures of contact in bed.
And second, thanks for following up.
Yes, the last minute. I hate to leave things to that but sometimes it just happens. Sometimes--along with those horrible panic attacks--great work is done in that rush that never would have been done otherwise. It's not the sort of thing that you--or I should say "I" (some people do thrive on this)--should count on. It is nice however when it happens.
Regarding sex ...
I think you are smart, maybe even brave, to admit you don't know exactly what you like in (or out) of bed. In our day, people, and perhaps more so queer men, have their preferences and sexual wish-lists down to a science. They are so hyper aware of what they're looking for, that it can blind them from finding out what they might not know they like.
It's like that art that is made at the last minute. Sure, you want to avoid the risk and uncertainty that comes from piecing together a show the night before, but if you never do that, you'll never find the kind of happy accidents that truly shape what you do and speak more directly from your gut impulse, aka your heart.
The truth is, I also don't know exactly what I like in sex, except that a large part of it comes from who I am having it with. In other words, it changes from person to person, and "knowing what you like" eliminates that flexibility. When I say I like "boring sex," in part what I mean is I like it unplanned and easy going. I don't like the sort of sex that comes with a do-list of activities or expectations. A checked off list is what the list holders think of as, a hot night. To me, THAT is boring. I'd rather just lie with a guy and see where our impulses take us, be it to conversation or gymnastics or anything in-between.
I call it "boring" because my experience has taught me that most of the time, it's not the sort of things one sees in pornography that people really want, rather the simple joy of human contact. Being with a good person who also happens to turn you on is a great thrill. Everything thing else is icing ... and frankly, I'm often fine without icing.
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a checklist for sex sounds boring for me, even as often as i try to quantify so much of my life with lists and numbers. sex is certainly best when it goes in it's own direction, and i think also best when it's different than it's been before; or if not different, then new? a familiar 'new,' i guess.
i'll agree with the just 'being with' too. simple pleasures of contact in bed.
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