OKay...clean slate, please
OKay so as of now Im in the process of letting go of all my grudges and animosity because all its doing is weighing me down, hurting me more and shit. IM letting go all memories of Jut good and bad Im letting go of all my anger for her hurting me for hurting nat. Im letting go my hate for her and her lies and I'm trying to move on with my life and forget about her. Im letting go of my hate for Nat not opening her eyes and seeing the truth that everyone is so wordlessly telling her, but always, always their efforts go unheard as she spends another day in blissful ignorance. Im letting go of my hate for Nat not listening and degradeing herself without knowing it, I feel lately that I can barely look at her because she seems to have no self-respect. But, I realizie that I need to see as well and I see that,although if I were in her predicament I would have done things differntly so that I could end the pain before it too unmercifully begun, she is not I and she will never be, she will learn this lesson on her own and I hope I will still be able to pick up the peices for her.Im trying to let go all of my love for JD because loving him hurts because I cannot see him, sometimes although this may sound completely fucked, I wish we had never met, this would be best I think although I love him more than words can describe, it would still have been best because the love would've never started and he would be with a girl happy and be able to see her everyday and I maybe the same with a guy. I really wish I didn't love him and he did not love me because this kind of heartache would've never had stirred into my or his life. I have to stop hating my dad , for my friends you know why I do, but to others even though you don't , believe me when I say that I do. That "I do" I hope will become an "I did". I dont want to hate him anymore, it takes so much out of me to hate people, he may deserve my hatred most of the time , but I on the other hand do not need to feel the burden of it. I need to also stop hateing myself for all the stupid, immmoral shit I have done and start living in the present instead of crying over the past. I need to stop believing what others say, and start believeing in myself, you know, stop thinking Im shit. I'd like to take these last final sentences to explain to you why this entry is not in the "ONly me for veiwing" catagory. It is for this reason only, I can't do it on my own and I have friends( *cough jocelyn*cough*anthony*cough* amanda*cough*brieanah*cough*) and acquaintances even that will help to keep me in check. To nat .... remember this?
Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson I learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
It was worth all the while
Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don't ask why
It's not a question
But a lesson I learned in time
It's something unpredictable
But in the end it's right
I hope you had the time of your life
So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth
It was worth all the while