Livin' the Dream?
I wrote this Wed. night. I though now might be a good time to post in this again:
So this is my first night in Chicago. That’s right, I live there now. I’m so excited to be out, on my own, and just living. But at the same time, I am so incredibly nervous I feel sick sometimes. I have no job. I don’t have enough money in my back account to pay for rent. I don’t know if I’m insured. Honestly, I am scared. I am scared of failing, but it’s that very fear that has gotten me …well, I don’t think failing is the right word. I think it’s rather I’m afraid of disappointing someone. … namely, myself. I don’t want to be wrong about this. I don’t want to have fought with my mother so I could go and fail in the city. I don’t want to break my promise to my father about not asking him for financial help. But I’m worried. I have a low-low-paying internship that works for 35 hours a week, and no other source of income. But the hours are difficult to work around. They said it is hard to have the internship and an outside job, but I need one. It makes me just want to prove to them it is possible. I was told I wouldn’t graduate in four years with a double-major and education, but I did. But that time I was naïve enough to actually believe it.
So this is my first night in Chicago. That’s right, I live there now. I’m so excited to be out, on my own, and just living. But at the same time, I am so incredibly nervous I feel sick sometimes. I have no job. I don’t have enough money in my back account to pay for rent. I don’t know if I’m insured. Honestly, I am scared. I am scared of failing, but it’s that very fear that has gotten me …well, I don’t think failing is the right word. I think it’s rather I’m afraid of disappointing someone. … namely, myself. I don’t want to be wrong about this. I don’t want to have fought with my mother so I could go and fail in the city. I don’t want to break my promise to my father about not asking him for financial help. But I’m worried. I have a low-low-paying internship that works for 35 hours a week, and no other source of income. But the hours are difficult to work around. They said it is hard to have the internship and an outside job, but I need one. It makes me just want to prove to them it is possible. I was told I wouldn’t graduate in four years with a double-major and education, but I did. But that time I was naïve enough to actually believe it.