You never really remember what you felt like until you backslide a bit.
I was hoping that with the recent advent of a certain amount of newfound self-confidence and comfort in my own skin, I wouldn't be dealing with feelings like my current ones for a while. Apparently I was too optimistic about that.
To be totally honest, I'm lonely, and I'm lonely for no particular reason and totally in spite of all the great friends I have. For this I apologize, but as some of you know already, your best efforts cannot fix me when I'm in such a state, so don't feel like you're not helping. Chances are you can't, and I don't fault anyone for that.
I hate to sound like I'm jealous of all of you, but nearly everyone I know has found a really good significant other and is happy with them. I, on the other hand, can't seem to find anyone that wants to be any kind of significant other at all (although I am aware that I am not looking for one through the usual 'date and then get to know someone' channels and that does temper my unhappiness to an extent.) Those of you who know me know that I instinctively blame myself for this sort of thing, rather than, say, the chaotic nature of the universe. This means that I am now unhappy because I feel like I'm not worth dating, regardless of what my conscious mind and other people have told me, and not because nobody's currently dating me. Logical? Probably not, no. Can I help it? I thought I could, but apparently I have proven myself wrong.
See, now I'm lonely and frustrated. I wish I had the ability to get out of these destructive thought patterns and keep myself from tearing myself down. I thought I'd done it, I really did, and I wish I didn't feel like this right now because I felt so good before. I liked myself for a while there, and while I don't know whether or not I'll like myself tomorrow, I certainly hope I haven't slid backwards a few months in the course of a day.
Arrrrgh. Great, I'm angsty again. That's enough for now.