Merry Christmas! (Or whatever.)
I guess I don't post here very much. When I do it's generally because I have nothing better to do, or I am annoyed at something/someone, or happy about something. (Today it's the nothing better to do reason.)
I set up a christmas tree at work today. I put it in the entrance way of the shop, and I guess it looks festive and all that, but man oh man I was fucking depressed when I finished doing it. There is nothing worse than the reminder, at this time of the year, of what you don't have, what you want, what you miss, what you hate,what you need, and where you are in life. The surefire way of traveling down this merry road of thought is to put together a christmas tree...all alone, at work.
Fuck...it blows goats let me tell you. I will be completely alone this christmas. Dale is going to spend christmas with his folks in Pittsburgh. My son, if he shows up at all is not doing well as he will not take his medication, he is flat ass broke and suicidally depressed. My friends....well...they have their own family or partners to be with. I am going to Stephan and Kristen's for dinner, but I will be waking up alone in my house and staying alone for the whole Christmas "holiday."
Hmmmm.
I have my dogs...and cats, but it's not the same.
This was to be mine and Topher's first Christmas together. HA!!!Well that was a royal sack of fuckeries right from the start now wasn't it? I don't know what he is doing, maybe going home to Florida, maybe hanging himself from a tree....I dunno.
Do I care? Well...yes I fucking do! I am angry at him for messing with my life, angry at myself for letting him and angry at the whole motherfucking "love" thing for letting me down AGAIN! I tell ya, if I ever actually saw that fucking little cocksucker Cupid, I would strangle him with his own sweet, cute fucking diaper and ram a goddam arrow through his adorable little baby blue motherfucking eye!
I should be "thankful" I suppose, I should be glad that I have what I have, but that isn't what christmas does to you. Christmas has always been the time of year that will ram right down your protesting throat, constant, bitter reminders of what you don't have.
I do like looking at the pretty lights and all. I do like Christmas gifts and such and I like parties and all that shite, but dammit....Bah HUMBUG!
I set up a christmas tree at work today. I put it in the entrance way of the shop, and I guess it looks festive and all that, but man oh man I was fucking depressed when I finished doing it. There is nothing worse than the reminder, at this time of the year, of what you don't have, what you want, what you miss, what you hate,what you need, and where you are in life. The surefire way of traveling down this merry road of thought is to put together a christmas tree...all alone, at work.
Fuck...it blows goats let me tell you. I will be completely alone this christmas. Dale is going to spend christmas with his folks in Pittsburgh. My son, if he shows up at all is not doing well as he will not take his medication, he is flat ass broke and suicidally depressed. My friends....well...they have their own family or partners to be with. I am going to Stephan and Kristen's for dinner, but I will be waking up alone in my house and staying alone for the whole Christmas "holiday."
Hmmmm.
I have my dogs...and cats, but it's not the same.
This was to be mine and Topher's first Christmas together. HA!!!Well that was a royal sack of fuckeries right from the start now wasn't it? I don't know what he is doing, maybe going home to Florida, maybe hanging himself from a tree....I dunno.
Do I care? Well...yes I fucking do! I am angry at him for messing with my life, angry at myself for letting him and angry at the whole motherfucking "love" thing for letting me down AGAIN! I tell ya, if I ever actually saw that fucking little cocksucker Cupid, I would strangle him with his own sweet, cute fucking diaper and ram a goddam arrow through his adorable little baby blue motherfucking eye!
I should be "thankful" I suppose, I should be glad that I have what I have, but that isn't what christmas does to you. Christmas has always been the time of year that will ram right down your protesting throat, constant, bitter reminders of what you don't have.
I do like looking at the pretty lights and all. I do like Christmas gifts and such and I like parties and all that shite, but dammit....Bah HUMBUG!