(no subject)
I set here..time after time.. wanting to type how I feel..yet I don't have the courage to do it.
Everyone knows about my escapade with pot..everyone knows I've been drinking a lot more lately.. what no one really knows.. is that I am dying on the inside. You can only be told "Oh Casey.. lol you are such a nice guy" so many times. It doesn't matter what the hell I do its the same god damn answer from everyone.
What no one knows is I think about killing myself at least once a week..Its not me, and it's not anyone else..it's i hate my life...The only way I can save myself from myself is through writing suicide letters then realizing how sad it is...so here is one for you all to read...
I write this letter to my family and friends, I want to explain how this life ends, I always thought I was doing fine, Until one day I realized my life was not mine. Yes, I always look happy and yes I do smile, but I was only happy for a little while. Sometimes I would hurt, Sometimes I would cry, other times I thought this was the end, I would soon die. Life, I tell you, it's not really fair, To get through it, you have to pretend to not care. The good times, the bad, the unhappy, the sad. This is my life what can I say? Things just never go my way. Hurting myself was not the way out, Neither was putting a gun in my mouth. You are the people who did this to me. Why couldn’t you just let me be free? Why won't you understand I am who I am, Please understand not everyone’s the same. Trapped inside are my acts of anger, expressed are my acts of danger. Family and friends try not to miss me. I had to escape, I needed to be free. I love you all, but
you'll never understand what I felt deep inside. Nobody cares, nobodies here, nobody wants to deal with me, no, not anybody. I'm sick of it all, sick of these hoes. I guess life's a bitch and that's how it goes. I pick up the razor; I grab hold of the knife. To tell you the truth, I don't hate myself, I hate my life. what's really sad is, you don't know me, yet you look right through me. Not even sure of what you see. Do you know who I am? Do you even care? What’s it to you if I'm never there? Not once did you tell me you love me, not once did you hold me tight. It scares me to know what I might do tonight. Maybe as time goes by, things will get better.
It's not enough to hold me over anymore...the pain has overcome to resources I have to cope with it...I've really been thinking like this for 5 years now.... I've never really stopped thinking it, its just that it has been a longer time in between times I've thought it.. Nothing goes my way, I get something nice, it breaks, I do something nice for someone else, something bad happens to me, I get a girlfriend, she leaves me for another guy, I have a good day, tell someone about it, then my day is ruined by something horrible... the list goes on and on, it just seems like everything bad happens to me.
It's like my life is a game of Halo and the homing shrapnel is coming right for me.. I don't know what to do anymore, I need help...
Everyone knows about my escapade with pot..everyone knows I've been drinking a lot more lately.. what no one really knows.. is that I am dying on the inside. You can only be told "Oh Casey.. lol you are such a nice guy" so many times. It doesn't matter what the hell I do its the same god damn answer from everyone.
What no one knows is I think about killing myself at least once a week..Its not me, and it's not anyone else..it's i hate my life...The only way I can save myself from myself is through writing suicide letters then realizing how sad it is...so here is one for you all to read...
I write this letter to my family and friends, I want to explain how this life ends, I always thought I was doing fine, Until one day I realized my life was not mine. Yes, I always look happy and yes I do smile, but I was only happy for a little while. Sometimes I would hurt, Sometimes I would cry, other times I thought this was the end, I would soon die. Life, I tell you, it's not really fair, To get through it, you have to pretend to not care. The good times, the bad, the unhappy, the sad. This is my life what can I say? Things just never go my way. Hurting myself was not the way out, Neither was putting a gun in my mouth. You are the people who did this to me. Why couldn’t you just let me be free? Why won't you understand I am who I am, Please understand not everyone’s the same. Trapped inside are my acts of anger, expressed are my acts of danger. Family and friends try not to miss me. I had to escape, I needed to be free. I love you all, but
you'll never understand what I felt deep inside. Nobody cares, nobodies here, nobody wants to deal with me, no, not anybody. I'm sick of it all, sick of these hoes. I guess life's a bitch and that's how it goes. I pick up the razor; I grab hold of the knife. To tell you the truth, I don't hate myself, I hate my life. what's really sad is, you don't know me, yet you look right through me. Not even sure of what you see. Do you know who I am? Do you even care? What’s it to you if I'm never there? Not once did you tell me you love me, not once did you hold me tight. It scares me to know what I might do tonight. Maybe as time goes by, things will get better.
It's not enough to hold me over anymore...the pain has overcome to resources I have to cope with it...I've really been thinking like this for 5 years now.... I've never really stopped thinking it, its just that it has been a longer time in between times I've thought it.. Nothing goes my way, I get something nice, it breaks, I do something nice for someone else, something bad happens to me, I get a girlfriend, she leaves me for another guy, I have a good day, tell someone about it, then my day is ruined by something horrible... the list goes on and on, it just seems like everything bad happens to me.
It's like my life is a game of Halo and the homing shrapnel is coming right for me.. I don't know what to do anymore, I need help...