(no subject)
Rugby
Assholes
A Night at the Opera
[It's 4:30 pm on Friday, April 29, 2005.]
**RING RING**
"Hello?"
"Hi, it's me. Hey... how would you feel about going down to Stanford with the band this weekend to support the Rugby team at the Division II national championship?"
"That could be fun..."
"Do 'ya think you could call around and find out what's going on, and whether they can reimburse us for gas?"
"Sure."
"Ok... thanks! Bye."
...about four hours later, we were on our way to San Jose.
We had spent some time making minimal preparations--putting some clothes in a bag, rounding up toothpaste and hard hats and pieces and such... I had spent some time putting together some good road trip music (the Nemesis collection I'd started for DaviSux and not quite gotten to finishing)... but just as I moved the mouse up to click "Burn," the power went out. It flashed on once more, then again, and then it was dead.
It was getting late, so we didn't hang around to find out what happened. We tried to remember what stuff we'd had on when the lights went out, turned off everything we could think of, and left.
The drive was a little long, and involved the following:
- The near maiming/death of an unwary hippie on a bicycle
- An extensive tour of the fair city of Sausalito
- A piss break at Fort Something, complete with deer sighting
- A $5.00 ride on the Golden Gate bridge
We finally arrived at Wizard's parents' house in San Jose at about 1:30 am. We found a little piece of floor and slept on it.
When we woke up at around 7:30 the next morning, and everyone else was still asleep. Coffee was necessary. There was a Safeway a mile or so from the house, so we gathered the means with which to quench our caffeine lust, and returned to a house of bacon and mango nectar.
Everyone read the paper and flapped jaw for a couple hours, then had story time with a children's book about where babies come from. Eventually, the flock mingled its way out to the driveway, and we were on our way shortly thereafter.
There was a place called The Oasis near Leland Stanford, Jr. [pause] University, and we stopped there for food and drink. It took a while for us to go inside because there was some concern over an age limit, but we eventually got settled and drank a lot of pitchers of beer. Eddie and Jennifer bought a bunch of pizzas and fed us all. That was really cool. Eeyore! got an order of pickle spears and a bottle of apple juice. People read the Weekly World News. Jennifer and I had some good words about how the scrotes take care of the bandas when they need it, and how that relationship often drives the band on in hard times. Eddie was being a punk, and we got him really trashed. It was fun.
When we got to Leland Stanford, Jr. [pause] University, we had to park in this weird back dirt lot, and there was this big nasty metal thing in the ground, so you had to drive really strangely to get in.
While we were getting our shit together, a cop drove by and caught Gordon peeing halfway-behind a tree. He yelled from his car, "Couldn't you have found a better place to do that?" ...and Gordon said whatever Gordon says to schmooze and get out of things.
There was some bad noise about water bottles--the Stanford officials were only going to allow the band to carry a total of 12 water bottles into the stadium. As human beings, requiring the regular consumption of water to keep our bodies funcitonal, we were dismayed and concerned by this decision, but marched forth nonetheless. On our way to the field, we passed some Rugby scrotes who were bbq'ing in the parking lot. They were pretty into it, and into us, and we were diggin' them, and it was cool. When we arrived at the gate, the officials made us wait until... um... they just made us wait. Oh, yeah... we had to wait for Wizard, because they said we all had to go in at the same time. It can be pretty tough to distinguish us, in our hard hats and kiss-our-axe shirts... it might have been tricky to keep track of us if they hadn't implemented some ground rules, I guess.
...the Stanford band was playing for their team, and we listened to them for a while. Eddie handed out cigars.
...so they finally let us in, and we had to follow another "official" to the far back end of the field, half-the-field away from our team's fan section. Still, we remained in high spirits, because we had a championship to win. Some Stanford kids joined us (TeaBag on tenor, Sailor Moon on trumpet, and P-Funk with the StrongBad tuba...if I've missed anyone, apologies), and that was fun, so we felt happy. It's always so much fun when bands get together.
Apparently some arrangement had been established so that when the man in the announcer's box put his arms up like a T, that meant it was ok for us to play music. By the end of the first half, he had done this, I believe, a total of two times. During this period, he played pop songs on his stereo in the neighborhood of five to six times. Our team was behind by 20(-ish?) points, and something had to be done. ...so in the second half, we just started blowing him off and playing whenver we wanted to. We'd realized that the game officials had no problem with us playing, but that the dumbass announcer just had his silly little program planned out, and didn't want to skip playing all those incredibly cool, well-selected songs.
Our team scored, and we played over the diptard's stupid canned pop. ...with 15 seconds on the clock, the score was 24-22 (Northern Colorado University). One of our guys took the ball and started running ass-over-teakettle for the line. The clock ran out a moment too soon.
We played a few songs after the game, but I don't think anyone was really in the mood. The team was really sad.
While we were putting our stuff back in our cars, Liam climbed the tree Gordon had peed half-behind. He was joking about peeing from up there. I'm not sure if he was joking. Whatever. Anyway, we were going to tell the cop that we found a better place to do that.
A girl with glazed eyes and a lot of makeup walked up to us and thrust a small, smoking roach into our circle of talky-people. She babbled some nonsense about Humboldt and weed. We sort of ignored her, and she moved on.
Some folks were hungry, so we headed back over to The Oasis for more food. We ordered a grilled cheese, a cheeseburger, and fries. I sexually objectified Eddie and gave him a dollar in exchange for a beer.
That night, though, we stayed in a hotel in San Mateo, and the men's and women's rugby teams and the women's basketball team were all staying in the same place or next door. I think things went off. It was good. As soon as we arrived at the hotel, EeEr and Alex leaned out their window on the 2nd floor and told us to come up and room with them. 235. ...so we did. Anyway, we didn't leave our room much that night... except Alex, who went to hang out with the women's basketball team (earlier, while he was getting dressed to go out, there had been a lengthy ordeal involving his choice to shave with soap--considered by some to be a sub-standard shaving lubricant--and the aquisition of a complimentary can of shaving cream to remedy said situation). EeEr seemed to be having a difficult time accepting his choice to leave our party, and kept making really cheap shots at him about his height, and making fun of him and insulting him...and she kept accusing him of being shallow and sex-crazed. It was very weird. ...but we kind of ignored it, and we all had a really good time hanging out together. Except Alex. ...and I can't really blame him for not sticking around. Too bad.
We drank some wine and some rum punch, and we talked and listened to music on our laptop. We smoked a bunch of bowls and doobies.
EeEr, Joe, and I started getting tired around 10:00, and I didn't feel like having a lot of people in our room anymore. We said we were going to bed, and everybody (Carolyn, Debbie, and a rookie) left. EeEr may have been asleep at this point. Joe and I took a shower, because we were soaked in the grime of sunblock and rugby. We laid down. I woke up a few minutes later, and didn't know I'd been asleep. It was a little confusing. ...then I went back to sleep.
Some time later, Alex came in and said he needed a condom. I got him one. He left. I went back to sleep.
There was a loud knock at the door. I ignored it. There was another loud knock at the door. I ignored it. There was another loud knock on the door. I got up and looked through the peephole. The door opened, and I got squished behind it. It was two rookies, looking for Alex. Somehow, they'd gotten the key to our room. I told him he'd gone out. They went away. I went back to sleep.
At some point, Alex came back from his...whatever he was doing... and announced that he had not gotten any. He somehow ended up on our bed, or maybe just on me. He said some things. I'm not sure. I was still asleep.
At about 8:00 the next morning, a man with a British accent said, "may affect the upcoming," and then EeEr hit snooze.
"in what may be the last" [Snooze]
"today, with nearly" [Snooze]
"the game. In the ne" [Snooze]
...and EeEr and Alex got up, and I stayed asleep. They left about an hour and a half before we did.
There was continental breakfast, and we had fruit and muffins and juice. There was a funky vibe among the other guests. I think our mayhem may have annoyed them to a certain extent.
We had a hard time getting back into our building after breakfast. For once, it wasn't the little mag-strip key card that was the problem--it was, in fact, the very fact that, in fact, the door knob (a door handle, really) was not entirely functional. It was the sort where you push the lever down, and pull the door toward you... but the lever spun around in circles instead of catching and releasing the latch. ...so...when I had a go at it, I put in the key card, and pulled the handle, and it came off in my hand. I turned around, and Gordon and Eddie were cracking up behind me, a parking lot away. Luckily, the pin that held the handle in place had not escaped the concrete sidewalk, and we were able to repair it and regain access to our suite.
Wizard and Carolyn joined us at our car, and we started home. We had a good time listening to music in the car, and it only took us about four and a half hours to get home. When we arrived, I got some shoes and things out of the car, and took them into the bedroom. The light was on.
Now we're home, and it's just another mellow Sunday night.
Just so.