(no subject)
everyone is kinda boring here. they never have anything important to say. it's always the same thing, either the guy is single and he is thinking of getting laid, or he has a girlfriend/fiance' and they have that little "high school" wisper talk over the phone. or they have those weird childish discussions. really annoying. oh well, what can you do, right?
so i have been thinking alot lately, i mean there aren't many other things i can do with my time. so... i have this urge and desire to come home and go back to old habbits. hang out, get high, and work a low paying job for a while. the only thing with that is that i would end up comfortable like that and wouldn't have the ambition that i have now to go out and look for something better and go to school next year like i want. and if i have learned anything while i have been away from home it's that going back to being comfortable and doing things the easy way, is the worst thing that i can do. what i should do is go somewhere and start fresh with people that will respect me and be as ambisious as i am about succeeding. if i go aback to old habbits, i'll never be able to mature and grow. i am a people person. i want to be with a group that can have fun, but also stay on track and acccomplish their goals. i am just so sensitive that i don't want to hurt the friends that i have had for years, who accept me and treat me like family...
so i am torn between this urge to escape to a new life, but also to please and self sacrifice for others. i am just thinking that i need a push in the right direction, and something to keep me on track. the push in the right direction would be like a new best friend/companion, who knows and understands what i am going through and will help keep me on that path. what would help me stay on track would be a new group of friends that wouldn't let me stray, emotions and inspiration so that i don't forget or wonder too far off.
life comes with many tranquilities and challenges that cause stress and annoyance, but pushing past all that, allways keeping a clear head, and a positive attitude and outlook on things shows that ambition can conqure fear of the unknown and complications of the past. haviung a vision of what you want and what you need to make life better, puts you in a state of mind to accomplish those goals.
so you need someone there that feels just as strongly as you do. they will help push and test you. a companion that can cope with your problems. they trust you to better yourself every way possible. some people can blind others. they seem to be more than they really are and that can block your path to your goals. it's like they take all of the ambition out of you so you end up comfortable where you are, instead of pushing further and further. there can't be some place to stop and stay comfortable, there has to be more fun and struggle for anyone to find their happines and peak.
of many of the things that i have been thinking about, being a parent, a father, is something i have always thought about. i know exactly the type of woman that i want for my children. i have known for a long time. i also know she is the same type of person that i want to be with. i am just afraid that i might "settle" with the wrong one or that i could have had the right one but let her go long ago.
the people that i really am talking about i just wish i could be with again. i have old friends that i could trust and would help with all these complications, i just know that i'll never see them again. so now i have to be careful what i do. i just wish it was easier to find the kind of friends that will be ambisious with me but also have fun... i know that's alot of my problem. i don't have fun. what i used to call fun is really just so boring... i mean yeah video games are entertaining, but they are loosing their fun. i have been writing alot of poetry and songs, and i wish i have friends that i could just play around with my music. if it got serious, cool, if not then i know that i have more important things that need to be done.
as far as all that goes, i don't know.... i just woke up from a nap and thought that all of this needed to be said. it's actually a letter that i sent someone in an e-mail today. i really wonder how they are going to act....
so i have been thinking alot lately, i mean there aren't many other things i can do with my time. so... i have this urge and desire to come home and go back to old habbits. hang out, get high, and work a low paying job for a while. the only thing with that is that i would end up comfortable like that and wouldn't have the ambition that i have now to go out and look for something better and go to school next year like i want. and if i have learned anything while i have been away from home it's that going back to being comfortable and doing things the easy way, is the worst thing that i can do. what i should do is go somewhere and start fresh with people that will respect me and be as ambisious as i am about succeeding. if i go aback to old habbits, i'll never be able to mature and grow. i am a people person. i want to be with a group that can have fun, but also stay on track and acccomplish their goals. i am just so sensitive that i don't want to hurt the friends that i have had for years, who accept me and treat me like family...
so i am torn between this urge to escape to a new life, but also to please and self sacrifice for others. i am just thinking that i need a push in the right direction, and something to keep me on track. the push in the right direction would be like a new best friend/companion, who knows and understands what i am going through and will help keep me on that path. what would help me stay on track would be a new group of friends that wouldn't let me stray, emotions and inspiration so that i don't forget or wonder too far off.
life comes with many tranquilities and challenges that cause stress and annoyance, but pushing past all that, allways keeping a clear head, and a positive attitude and outlook on things shows that ambition can conqure fear of the unknown and complications of the past. haviung a vision of what you want and what you need to make life better, puts you in a state of mind to accomplish those goals.
so you need someone there that feels just as strongly as you do. they will help push and test you. a companion that can cope with your problems. they trust you to better yourself every way possible. some people can blind others. they seem to be more than they really are and that can block your path to your goals. it's like they take all of the ambition out of you so you end up comfortable where you are, instead of pushing further and further. there can't be some place to stop and stay comfortable, there has to be more fun and struggle for anyone to find their happines and peak.
of many of the things that i have been thinking about, being a parent, a father, is something i have always thought about. i know exactly the type of woman that i want for my children. i have known for a long time. i also know she is the same type of person that i want to be with. i am just afraid that i might "settle" with the wrong one or that i could have had the right one but let her go long ago.
the people that i really am talking about i just wish i could be with again. i have old friends that i could trust and would help with all these complications, i just know that i'll never see them again. so now i have to be careful what i do. i just wish it was easier to find the kind of friends that will be ambisious with me but also have fun... i know that's alot of my problem. i don't have fun. what i used to call fun is really just so boring... i mean yeah video games are entertaining, but they are loosing their fun. i have been writing alot of poetry and songs, and i wish i have friends that i could just play around with my music. if it got serious, cool, if not then i know that i have more important things that need to be done.
as far as all that goes, i don't know.... i just woke up from a nap and thought that all of this needed to be said. it's actually a letter that i sent someone in an e-mail today. i really wonder how they are going to act....