"Life goes easy on me... most of the time"
I'm feeling completely and totally lost right now. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out exactly what I'm thinking and feeling... but it's hard to say the least. There's a lot going on inside this head of mine and I'm hopelessly trying to arrange the thoughts so I can really figure out what's bothering me and the root of this low.
I guess I'm just discouraged with everything.
I started really really wondering today if this move was a very bad idea. After a meeting with the sales team, I became discouraged and put down. I feel as though the company that I work for wasn't really ready for a second sales person (myself). I'm worried about my future there and wondering if I actually have one. Because of the economy being the way that it is, sales are wayyy down. We're pretty much expected to make a miracle of sales in the next 4 days and sell about... $40k worth of equipment. I worked 7 days last week and they don't want me to work overtime (even though I'm on salary, for some reason they say that they need to pay me for overtime) so I'm expected to take time off... doesn't really work for me. I don't want to get paid overtime. I'm on salary for a sales position and I don't feel like I should have to look at the clock. I have an appointment set up for 6pm one of these evenings and now I'm worried that I'll have to take time off of my day so I won't get OT. It's ridiculous.
Everything that I have been told that I would be getting as perks to this job don't really seem applicable now. I'm supposed to be getting an actual ($1,500) desk instead of the plastic folding table that I'm using now, but I doubt that's affordable right now. I'm supposed to be getting a company truck in March or April and I doubt that's an expense they can afford. My health insurance is supposed to kick in the beginning of April, but in our meeting today, they talked about having to drop it to cut down on expenses. These are all the reasons why I took this job, to look out for my future and to provide a career for myself. My boss said something today about him paying me a "very nice salary"... when it's all said and done, I'm making exactly what I was making at Cedar Mtn. and the benefits were mainly the only reason why I took this job. The cost of living is higher here and my rent is more than 2x what it was before.
Seeing my Dad and Jackie (his GF) on Friday night was great... I can't even express how much I love that man and how much I really like Jackie. It's such a great feeling to see my Dad soo happy and be with somebody soo positive and loving. I don't remember my folks ever really being in love... they were just together. Dad and Jackie call eachother pet names and share their food, when we were driving out to supper, Dad goes "Sweetie, look at that!" and I started looking around before realizing that he wasn't talking to me. Hahaha.
I've realized that I've never really gotten to be around my parents as an adult. I moved out just after I turned 18 and the most that I've been around them since was maybe a week at a time. I wish I could just meet up with my Mom for lunch or supper, go on walks together and that normal stuff that gals are supposed to do with their Moms. I would love to help my Dad work on his duplexes and BBQ with him and Jackie. I would just love to be around my family without living with them.
It's weird... in the almost 5 years that I've been away from home, I could count the times that I've been homesick and I've never even thought about being an adult around them.
I've been soo proud of getting out of Olympia that I've never thought about ever living there again. I just wanted to be different than everybody else that I grew up around and I found home in Coeur d'Alene and found family in friends. Not that they weren't good friends at all, but everybody has their own agenda; it seems to get married and have babies and I just don't fit in there yet.
I'm really starting to see the importance of family and I've always been proud of the fact that I never needed anybody around, but now... I'm actually wanting to be around them.
...I think that if this job doesn't work out, I may head back to Olympia. Katie is in Iowa for life and in the back of my head I've always known that I would be the one to go back when Mom and Dad got old, but I don't really want to wait until then to have an actual relationship with them.
I don't know... this just may be a phase of thinking as I'm so completely lost right now, but I'm entertaining the thought. I have nooo idea what I'd do in Olympia, but I have no idea what I'll do anywhere else if my job falls through.
I'm thinking I'm just going through a low and weak spot, lonliness and cabin fever are not good combinations, so I'm hoping that I'll pull through and make things work for me. Providing that my job stays steady, I won't pull out no matter for at least 6 months. I've always told myself and others that you can do anything for 6 months, so I'm going to stick with that.
Take care all.
I guess I'm just discouraged with everything.
I started really really wondering today if this move was a very bad idea. After a meeting with the sales team, I became discouraged and put down. I feel as though the company that I work for wasn't really ready for a second sales person (myself). I'm worried about my future there and wondering if I actually have one. Because of the economy being the way that it is, sales are wayyy down. We're pretty much expected to make a miracle of sales in the next 4 days and sell about... $40k worth of equipment. I worked 7 days last week and they don't want me to work overtime (even though I'm on salary, for some reason they say that they need to pay me for overtime) so I'm expected to take time off... doesn't really work for me. I don't want to get paid overtime. I'm on salary for a sales position and I don't feel like I should have to look at the clock. I have an appointment set up for 6pm one of these evenings and now I'm worried that I'll have to take time off of my day so I won't get OT. It's ridiculous.
Everything that I have been told that I would be getting as perks to this job don't really seem applicable now. I'm supposed to be getting an actual ($1,500) desk instead of the plastic folding table that I'm using now, but I doubt that's affordable right now. I'm supposed to be getting a company truck in March or April and I doubt that's an expense they can afford. My health insurance is supposed to kick in the beginning of April, but in our meeting today, they talked about having to drop it to cut down on expenses. These are all the reasons why I took this job, to look out for my future and to provide a career for myself. My boss said something today about him paying me a "very nice salary"... when it's all said and done, I'm making exactly what I was making at Cedar Mtn. and the benefits were mainly the only reason why I took this job. The cost of living is higher here and my rent is more than 2x what it was before.
Seeing my Dad and Jackie (his GF) on Friday night was great... I can't even express how much I love that man and how much I really like Jackie. It's such a great feeling to see my Dad soo happy and be with somebody soo positive and loving. I don't remember my folks ever really being in love... they were just together. Dad and Jackie call eachother pet names and share their food, when we were driving out to supper, Dad goes "Sweetie, look at that!" and I started looking around before realizing that he wasn't talking to me. Hahaha.
I've realized that I've never really gotten to be around my parents as an adult. I moved out just after I turned 18 and the most that I've been around them since was maybe a week at a time. I wish I could just meet up with my Mom for lunch or supper, go on walks together and that normal stuff that gals are supposed to do with their Moms. I would love to help my Dad work on his duplexes and BBQ with him and Jackie. I would just love to be around my family without living with them.
It's weird... in the almost 5 years that I've been away from home, I could count the times that I've been homesick and I've never even thought about being an adult around them.
I've been soo proud of getting out of Olympia that I've never thought about ever living there again. I just wanted to be different than everybody else that I grew up around and I found home in Coeur d'Alene and found family in friends. Not that they weren't good friends at all, but everybody has their own agenda; it seems to get married and have babies and I just don't fit in there yet.
I'm really starting to see the importance of family and I've always been proud of the fact that I never needed anybody around, but now... I'm actually wanting to be around them.
...I think that if this job doesn't work out, I may head back to Olympia. Katie is in Iowa for life and in the back of my head I've always known that I would be the one to go back when Mom and Dad got old, but I don't really want to wait until then to have an actual relationship with them.
I don't know... this just may be a phase of thinking as I'm so completely lost right now, but I'm entertaining the thought. I have nooo idea what I'd do in Olympia, but I have no idea what I'll do anywhere else if my job falls through.
I'm thinking I'm just going through a low and weak spot, lonliness and cabin fever are not good combinations, so I'm hoping that I'll pull through and make things work for me. Providing that my job stays steady, I won't pull out no matter for at least 6 months. I've always told myself and others that you can do anything for 6 months, so I'm going to stick with that.
Take care all.