I'm not nearly as discriminating
So, I never check my livejournal. Ever. Among the midsts of Myspace and Facebook, this little account is often lost. However, I checked today and saw a wonderfully interesting "question" posed to me. Which celebrities would I sleep with? Before I begin this, I'd like to preface it briefly. My favorite fellow Pollack from The Office totally would've been in my top 5, as would the angsty young son of a famous celebrity who deserves to be angsty because said celebrity father actually fucked and then killed his girlfriend. But I refuse to share. So, here's my new and slightly less cream-worthy list (but not by much.) Also, unlike Holly, I would totally fuck all of them. Hard. In a dirty bathroom.
5.
This one is my most embarrassing because it's purely physical. Seriously. He was in Bring it on and the classic Swimfan(88). Oh yes, they're bad. Plus, he was also in a Clint Eastwood film... Anyway, I digress. He can't really act, but my God! do his eyebrows and sideways/lopsided smile ever say Fuck me. Now. I don't know if I'd want to talk to him, except maybe during the act. But then it wouldn't be about literature or great music. No, it would not be about that at all.
4.
This one's been a long time coming. I loved Rushmore and couldn't stop thinking about how ugly Jason was. And yet, I couldn't keep my hands off myself just thinking about that ugly stepsister-looking mole. Then, I heart Huckabees appeared and I lost it from there. The only problem is that Scott's boss is his uncle and is a total asshole... and looks just like Jason. So the fantasies have been avoided as of late because I think fucking my boyfriend's boss in a dream is just crossing some line. It's like cheating by proxy.
3. I have a type, obviously. This one's a no-brainer. Read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and try not to masturbate afterwards. TRY. I couldn't. Here's my theory: Every time I read it, I laughed. The laughter released endorphins. I got excited and googled JSF. This released hormones. Masturbation ensued.
2. This is a new favorite of mine. I don't think you watch this, Holly... but it's a nerd obsession of mine that overcomes almost any other. So, I like bad boys. Like, serial killers and crazies. So, it should come with no surprise that I love Sylar. He's the villain in Heroes. He was this incredibly sexy watch repairman who loved to learn how things worked. He then discovered that if he sliced people's heads open, he could find out how they work. This is generally done to absorb their special abilities. More brilliantly though are his amazing eyebrows and the pure evil that lurks behind his dark eyes. He just exudes sex. You know how potpourri can be too strong sometimes and almost suffocate you? That's what his testosterone does to me. I can't breathe sometimes when I watch this show. Plus, one time he was pretending to be good and wearing a Ramones t-shirt. I had to pause my Tivo and have a brief encounter with she who rhymes with Dolores.
1. I couldn't choose. What can I say? I'm a slutty whore. Anyway, Ed Norton has always been a favorite of mine. He's got the smarts (speaks Japanese fluently), the looks (Fight Club, anyone?) and the quirky, dark and fucked up humor I love (Death to Smoochy). Seriously, he's my dream man.
Then there's Mos Def. Revolutionary and sexy Mos Def. He's extremely intelligent (which is obvious upon listening to any of his songs), has the most lickable teeth (it's a thing for me) and has this sort of monotoned, deep voice that drives me fucking crazy. I love him so much that I ignored his whole forgetting to pay child support for a while. He made up the payment in the end, dammit! And his ex was a crazy bitch! (this statement is completely unsubstantiated)
Honorable mentions: Angela Davis because I love 'fros, Natasha Khan because her eyelashes drive me wild, and girl #2 from this one amateur porn that I absolutely love.
5.
This one is my most embarrassing because it's purely physical. Seriously. He was in Bring it on and the classic Swimfan(88). Oh yes, they're bad. Plus, he was also in a Clint Eastwood film... Anyway, I digress. He can't really act, but my God! do his eyebrows and sideways/lopsided smile ever say Fuck me. Now. I don't know if I'd want to talk to him, except maybe during the act. But then it wouldn't be about literature or great music. No, it would not be about that at all.
4.
This one's been a long time coming. I loved Rushmore and couldn't stop thinking about how ugly Jason was. And yet, I couldn't keep my hands off myself just thinking about that ugly stepsister-looking mole. Then, I heart Huckabees appeared and I lost it from there. The only problem is that Scott's boss is his uncle and is a total asshole... and looks just like Jason. So the fantasies have been avoided as of late because I think fucking my boyfriend's boss in a dream is just crossing some line. It's like cheating by proxy.
3. I have a type, obviously. This one's a no-brainer. Read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and try not to masturbate afterwards. TRY. I couldn't. Here's my theory: Every time I read it, I laughed. The laughter released endorphins. I got excited and googled JSF. This released hormones. Masturbation ensued.
2. This is a new favorite of mine. I don't think you watch this, Holly... but it's a nerd obsession of mine that overcomes almost any other. So, I like bad boys. Like, serial killers and crazies. So, it should come with no surprise that I love Sylar. He's the villain in Heroes. He was this incredibly sexy watch repairman who loved to learn how things worked. He then discovered that if he sliced people's heads open, he could find out how they work. This is generally done to absorb their special abilities. More brilliantly though are his amazing eyebrows and the pure evil that lurks behind his dark eyes. He just exudes sex. You know how potpourri can be too strong sometimes and almost suffocate you? That's what his testosterone does to me. I can't breathe sometimes when I watch this show. Plus, one time he was pretending to be good and wearing a Ramones t-shirt. I had to pause my Tivo and have a brief encounter with she who rhymes with Dolores.
1. I couldn't choose. What can I say? I'm a slutty whore. Anyway, Ed Norton has always been a favorite of mine. He's got the smarts (speaks Japanese fluently), the looks (Fight Club, anyone?) and the quirky, dark and fucked up humor I love (Death to Smoochy). Seriously, he's my dream man.
Then there's Mos Def. Revolutionary and sexy Mos Def. He's extremely intelligent (which is obvious upon listening to any of his songs), has the most lickable teeth (it's a thing for me) and has this sort of monotoned, deep voice that drives me fucking crazy. I love him so much that I ignored his whole forgetting to pay child support for a while. He made up the payment in the end, dammit! And his ex was a crazy bitch! (this statement is completely unsubstantiated)
Honorable mentions: Angela Davis because I love 'fros, Natasha Khan because her eyelashes drive me wild, and girl #2 from this one amateur porn that I absolutely love.