(no subject)
I'm becoming more and more weary of speaking in metaphors because of their tendency to make things seem more profound simply by drawing connections between two utterly disparate things. Perhaps it's more that I'm becoming disillusioned with the idea of profundity in intellectual thought and the notion that anyone really knows anything. It takes a certain degree of arrogance to simply state, "I know." None of us know. There are times when things refuse to obey logic and times when life becomes almost predictably unpredictable. Reality contradicts itself. It is because of this that I find the only thing truly profound is unabashed emotional honesty, but my rational-mindedness prevents me from expressing that. Logic is the antithesis of emotion. I find myself sitting down and attempting to create something profound and worthwhile, all while knowing this cannot be achieved if I set out with the aspirations to do so. I'm approaching it all wrong.
I'm in an odd place. I'm finding it hard to identify with many people on levels that I personally give much weight. While that number was never huge, it's certainly shrunk. I don't know a lot of people who hold the same degree of convictions as me, but it might because I'm simply not compelled to do certain things that most other people are.
I don't know where I'll be living next month nor who I'll be living with, and I haven't applied for loans yet. My primary means of transportation was lost when I took my bike into Cambridge Bicycle for repair and they destroyed the back tire rather than fixing it. They basically told me they weren't liable because the tire was cheap and couldn't be fixed, but they brought it from ridable condition to a state of immobility and crippled me to some extent as a result, so they certainly hold some responsibility. I don't know how I'm going to pay for a new bike, let alone an apartment or school, when I'm making minimum wage, minus basic benefits such as overtime and time and a half on sundays or holidays. I believe I'm making roughly half as much in a week this summer as last. On top of it, I have to pay to get the back tire of Travis' bike re-trued because some asshole cab driver rear-ended me and attempted to shift the blame to me by saying I cut him off. The police officer seemed to be siding with the cab driver because he said he had a witness, but we'll see how that goes. I also lost my sunglasses case.
In spite of the proverbial shit hitting the fan, I can't allow myself to get too down. I don't really have a choice in the matter - it's the logical side of me taking over again. I look back at myself a few years ago and am amazed at how I could say things like, "life sucks" when the fact of the matter is, I am alive. I am alive and maintain some level of control, even when it seems almost nominal. I'm glad to say that that is something I never grow tired of.
I'm in an odd place. I'm finding it hard to identify with many people on levels that I personally give much weight. While that number was never huge, it's certainly shrunk. I don't know a lot of people who hold the same degree of convictions as me, but it might because I'm simply not compelled to do certain things that most other people are.
I don't know where I'll be living next month nor who I'll be living with, and I haven't applied for loans yet. My primary means of transportation was lost when I took my bike into Cambridge Bicycle for repair and they destroyed the back tire rather than fixing it. They basically told me they weren't liable because the tire was cheap and couldn't be fixed, but they brought it from ridable condition to a state of immobility and crippled me to some extent as a result, so they certainly hold some responsibility. I don't know how I'm going to pay for a new bike, let alone an apartment or school, when I'm making minimum wage, minus basic benefits such as overtime and time and a half on sundays or holidays. I believe I'm making roughly half as much in a week this summer as last. On top of it, I have to pay to get the back tire of Travis' bike re-trued because some asshole cab driver rear-ended me and attempted to shift the blame to me by saying I cut him off. The police officer seemed to be siding with the cab driver because he said he had a witness, but we'll see how that goes. I also lost my sunglasses case.
In spite of the proverbial shit hitting the fan, I can't allow myself to get too down. I don't really have a choice in the matter - it's the logical side of me taking over again. I look back at myself a few years ago and am amazed at how I could say things like, "life sucks" when the fact of the matter is, I am alive. I am alive and maintain some level of control, even when it seems almost nominal. I'm glad to say that that is something I never grow tired of.