In Penang
This trip, while wonderful in many ways, has been very hard on me. From homesickness to digestive issues to dehydration and mental issues. This morning I realized how bad the depression had gotten and sought out a Chinese doctor. I spent more money on herbs than I care to admit, but I feel like it has already helped. Being in the presence of the medicine, talking with the doctor, watching the pharmacists dole out large quantities of herbs, known and unknown to me, was a salve for my soul. Something about constanly being on the move, having no real friends other than Ted, makes it much harder for me to regulate my emotions. The positive side of this, other than seeing some amazing places is that it has been such a great petri dish for my personal growth. I've started drawing again, I've committed to doing one wellness oriented thing per day, I am giving myself structure. I cannot emphasise how big an achievement that is for me.
I am doing the things that I love because I love them, without (or with little) fear that I'm not good enough...that I shouldn't create unless I have the approval of at least a few others. And I like what I'm doing.
I am not sure who or what I have to thank for my tenacious spirit. It is truly a gift that has gotten me through the toughest of times. This alchemy of my soul would not be possible without it.
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