Oh classmates. why do you reject my fabulous schemes of lameness and public humiliation in skit form
http://books.google.com/books?id=hiEvRZF42OkC&printsec=frontcover&dq=romeo+and+juliet&client=safari&sig=3TAfGkzgYF8xFWco0zXw8vBTiZg#PPA101,M1
pages 100-102
er, this is an extremely lame bit of fluff i wrote in spanish. because i felt romeo and juliet had some distinctly potter tones to it. (oh that shakespeare, trying to make off with jk rowling's work; thinks he can get away with it just cause he's 500 years older than her) so i readapted a scene from romeo and juliet to... well. :) the lines are kinda sorta supposed to match up.
CAST
SNAPE/ TYBALT
JAMES/ ROMEO
JULIET/ LILY
REMUS/ BENVOLIO (hehe taken a bit from shoebox for its fabulosity)
SIRIUS/ MERCUTIO
POMFREY/ SURGEON
DUMBLEDORE/ PRINCE ESCALUS
whoops capslock.
(Snape is looking for James outside the Gryffindor portrait.
He sits, looking livid, and twitching a tiny bit, takes out a book.
James and Sirius prance on stage, happy)
SIRIUS: Could you look a little more eager to read The Third Manifesto on Being Freakish and Creepy?
(Snape looks up)
Hey, his facial expression changed! James, help me out here. I can't tell if he's constipated or angry. What do you think? (tilts head thoughtfully)
SNAPE: (quietly mumbling) Go away. I didn't do anything.
SIRIUS: (cheerfully) Wrongity wrong wrong wrong! You (prods) blinded me with the greasy sheen on your hair.
Sun hits it, blinds me--makes me squinty. No one likes a squinty noggin.
I could trim your locks-- just around the ears a little? (waves wand)
SNAPE: (stands suddenly) You shouldn't have done that.
JAMES: (obnoxiously) Pads, I know you love Snape, but you have to learn to let go. Down, boy. (winks)
SIRIUS: (barks) Only because he's so fun to play with!
(Sirius and Snape start hurling curses at each other. Destruction: It happens. James becomes worried.)
JAMES: Pads! Stop! (desperately, but still joking a little) Snape, Lily wouldn't want you defiling her very favorite corridor!
SNAPE: Don't even-- shut up! Shut--up!
JAMES: (calling offstage) Moony! Help me! They're going to hurt each other! DUMBLEDORE IS GOING TO SET
YOU ON FIRE WITH HIS LEFT NOSTRIL!
SIRIUS: (turns towards James, laughing-- Snape throws a curse at him, then looks horrified and runs. Sirius
lays bleeding from his side on the floor.)
Gryffindor and Slytherin-- both houses are thoroughly buggered now, eh? McGonagall's gonna
dock us at least four billion of those red things. Hey, Prongs, guess what? I took your fight. I owe you one. (Nurse Pomfrey approaches) So you can (breathes deeply) take on Pomfrey for me. You're welcome. Next time (heaves) don't distract me with tender words of Dumbledore's beauty.
pages 100-102
er, this is an extremely lame bit of fluff i wrote in spanish. because i felt romeo and juliet had some distinctly potter tones to it. (oh that shakespeare, trying to make off with jk rowling's work; thinks he can get away with it just cause he's 500 years older than her) so i readapted a scene from romeo and juliet to... well. :) the lines are kinda sorta supposed to match up.
CAST
SNAPE/ TYBALT
JAMES/ ROMEO
JULIET/ LILY
REMUS/ BENVOLIO (hehe taken a bit from shoebox for its fabulosity)
SIRIUS/ MERCUTIO
POMFREY/ SURGEON
DUMBLEDORE/ PRINCE ESCALUS
whoops capslock.
(Snape is looking for James outside the Gryffindor portrait.
He sits, looking livid, and twitching a tiny bit, takes out a book.
James and Sirius prance on stage, happy)
SIRIUS: Could you look a little more eager to read The Third Manifesto on Being Freakish and Creepy?
(Snape looks up)
Hey, his facial expression changed! James, help me out here. I can't tell if he's constipated or angry. What do you think? (tilts head thoughtfully)
SNAPE: (quietly mumbling) Go away. I didn't do anything.
SIRIUS: (cheerfully) Wrongity wrong wrong wrong! You (prods) blinded me with the greasy sheen on your hair.
Sun hits it, blinds me--makes me squinty. No one likes a squinty noggin.
I could trim your locks-- just around the ears a little? (waves wand)
SNAPE: (stands suddenly) You shouldn't have done that.
JAMES: (obnoxiously) Pads, I know you love Snape, but you have to learn to let go. Down, boy. (winks)
SIRIUS: (barks) Only because he's so fun to play with!
(Sirius and Snape start hurling curses at each other. Destruction: It happens. James becomes worried.)
JAMES: Pads! Stop! (desperately, but still joking a little) Snape, Lily wouldn't want you defiling her very favorite corridor!
SNAPE: Don't even-- shut up! Shut--up!
JAMES: (calling offstage) Moony! Help me! They're going to hurt each other! DUMBLEDORE IS GOING TO SET
YOU ON FIRE WITH HIS LEFT NOSTRIL!
SIRIUS: (turns towards James, laughing-- Snape throws a curse at him, then looks horrified and runs. Sirius
lays bleeding from his side on the floor.)
Gryffindor and Slytherin-- both houses are thoroughly buggered now, eh? McGonagall's gonna
dock us at least four billion of those red things. Hey, Prongs, guess what? I took your fight. I owe you one. (Nurse Pomfrey approaches) So you can (breathes deeply) take on Pomfrey for me. You're welcome. Next time (heaves) don't distract me with tender words of Dumbledore's beauty.