There's always more to come...
That's a line that could possibly be the byline to my life. I suppose you could argue its the byline for everyone's lives, up to a point when there isn't any more to come. I'm not thinking down that line tho, so anyone who may be concerned by me saying things like that, relax, I'm just gonna go on philosophically here.
How I hate the word potential. As used in the phrase "you've got so much potential". "Greg has so much potential he could do well at anything if he put his mind to it." Copy and paste that comment onto about 7 years worth of high school reports. Hell, put it on my tombstone when I'm dead and gone, cos I doubt a truer word was ever spoken. And I can't excuse it. There is no mitigating cause, there was never any reason I never reached above or beyond what was there in front of me. I never aspired to be more than what I was, for such a long period of time. I look back on those high school days at times and I do think "what if?" Or even "why?" why didn't I ever strive to be more?
I can probably say without being conceited that in Grade 6 I was either the smartest or the most developed out of my school. And going in to Yr 7, easily in the top 5 in the year level. But I was lazy. The competitive fire never burned in me, or something. I was scared of being smarter than everyone. Even with things as they were, I still felt distanced from a lot of my friends. My most vivid memories of primary school are a few little things. T-ball and rounders, the class with cornflour slime, sanding down and polishing a block of talc in art, rainy lunchtimes indoors. I miss the simplicity of life from those days.
This is all a roundabout way of avoiding what I came here to write about. I'm a big pussy, cos I don't want to commit the words to type. I guess that would make it kinda true, and something that I'd probably have to face up to at some point. I guess its my constant theme if you like, its riddled thru all my posts on this thing, and I guess you could call it self-doubt, or feelings of inadequacy. Funny looking word that. But the spell checker thinks its right, so I'll go with that.
I'm confused about things. Would a girl write to me in emails, msg me, talk to me on msn, all almost constantly for about 3 weeks, maybe 4, and be looking for nothing more than friendship? I don't know anymore. I don't know what I'm sposed to think, don't even know what I do think. I'll be seeing her in 2 weeks at least. I don't know if I'll take any joy in it tho, its really all going to depend. And to top it off I'm fairly sure that I'll get drunk and act like a tool. I really hope I don't do the last part anyway.
I don't have to impress anyone. Need to remember that. I'm impressive enough as I am...
I hope she likes me. Yes, I feel stupid saying that...
How I hate the word potential. As used in the phrase "you've got so much potential". "Greg has so much potential he could do well at anything if he put his mind to it." Copy and paste that comment onto about 7 years worth of high school reports. Hell, put it on my tombstone when I'm dead and gone, cos I doubt a truer word was ever spoken. And I can't excuse it. There is no mitigating cause, there was never any reason I never reached above or beyond what was there in front of me. I never aspired to be more than what I was, for such a long period of time. I look back on those high school days at times and I do think "what if?" Or even "why?" why didn't I ever strive to be more?
I can probably say without being conceited that in Grade 6 I was either the smartest or the most developed out of my school. And going in to Yr 7, easily in the top 5 in the year level. But I was lazy. The competitive fire never burned in me, or something. I was scared of being smarter than everyone. Even with things as they were, I still felt distanced from a lot of my friends. My most vivid memories of primary school are a few little things. T-ball and rounders, the class with cornflour slime, sanding down and polishing a block of talc in art, rainy lunchtimes indoors. I miss the simplicity of life from those days.
This is all a roundabout way of avoiding what I came here to write about. I'm a big pussy, cos I don't want to commit the words to type. I guess that would make it kinda true, and something that I'd probably have to face up to at some point. I guess its my constant theme if you like, its riddled thru all my posts on this thing, and I guess you could call it self-doubt, or feelings of inadequacy. Funny looking word that. But the spell checker thinks its right, so I'll go with that.
I'm confused about things. Would a girl write to me in emails, msg me, talk to me on msn, all almost constantly for about 3 weeks, maybe 4, and be looking for nothing more than friendship? I don't know anymore. I don't know what I'm sposed to think, don't even know what I do think. I'll be seeing her in 2 weeks at least. I don't know if I'll take any joy in it tho, its really all going to depend. And to top it off I'm fairly sure that I'll get drunk and act like a tool. I really hope I don't do the last part anyway.
I don't have to impress anyone. Need to remember that. I'm impressive enough as I am...
I hope she likes me. Yes, I feel stupid saying that...