may of 2007 already?
life is craziness
i dont know why i have this thing. i know why i have this thing.
i just read johnny's lj and it inspired me to write something/anything.
it is may 5th, and this is my last weekend in UNC of the spring semester. what a semester. right now it's in turmoil, but it was wayyyyyy up before it came back down. and before it was wayyyyyy up it was wayyyy down. once i ended it with dee everything changed. and i mean EVERYthing. it's pretty much a benchmark of me enjoying UNC. everything before it really doesn't matter... everything since has been momentous.
i've got a headache from thinking about life.
do you ever get the feeling that you have lost how to be happy? how to have fun. i get that feeling lately. i've got all stress, all the time. i do it to myself.
it's unbelievable that it's may of 2007? it was just june of 2005. yea that's right... and before that, it was just december of 2002, and shiz was throwing me a surprise birthday party. things were great. what the hell happened.
i'm confused. i dont know what to do or where to go. i feel like i'm stuck under a mountain of something/anything. maybe once i go home that mountain will crumble or even disappear. i hope so. i sound like an emo kid, or maybe even jill mattera, right now. i love jill, i'm just kidding. but i'm serious. i dance with words these days. ask cristy.
i don't want to get into that one, but i think it's a bust. i respect her like NO other. but i think she dont like me like she thinks she does, all in her head. same as the ones that have come before her. i dont know where it will end
i still can't believe they shot sonny on the causeway.
for the record maybe i should jot a few things down.
april 20th weekend, my dad visited me. it was an awesome, awesome weekend. he is losing absurd amounts of weight on his diet, we played frisbee, we went out to lunch and dinner with my friends, and uh. saturday night was the best. went to the siena with him ryan and cristy. he had me and cristy drunk, and he was telling stories like he's becoming popi. it was a sight to behold. was great hangin with dad all weekend, and i mean GREAT.
ummmm ryan's friend yuxi was here in march. two weeks after spring break ended... so i guess march 31st weekend. THAT was a fun weekend. mad chinese food, mad spicy food, mad wii. mad things starting with C.
that will be all for now.
at this time last year, i had one of the worst/strangest weeks of my life. losing buddy (RIP), which i cant overstate how bad that was, the salvia incident, and the disaster with danielle were the bad parts. jeff to Long Island and that day with roseman, jeff's last night, a bunch of people's last nights, those nights at proof and skinny, and it being my last week of NYU classes/finals were the good parts. it was unreal. shahin in the park, thursday may 4th, 2006, you know what i'm talkin bout girl. proof AND skinny, night of may 5th. deedle comes to NYC may 6th, basically just about to get back together and i fucked it up, what a day that was. may 7th jeff in LI, incredible day. may 8th worked at PS 33, then the salvia incident at night, which is still hands down the scariest thing to ever happen to me. tuesday may 9th, wed. may 10th, i worked the elem school one day and at empire the other. thursday may 11th jeff's last day, 5 hour conversation, the WTC, little italy, south street seaport, drinking, a session, and waking up the morning of friday may 12th to find him gone, off on his plane to hawaii. phone call from aunt moe, friday night, tellin me they're puttin buddy down the next day. up late, packin up for the room switch, up early on saturday may 13th, catch a 7 something train home from penn to smithtown to get there before the vet gets there at 9:30. made it, mother picked me up. saw buddy in his last minutes, saw the devastation on everyone's faces. vet came there, vet talked to gramps and me, and thus began a terrible terrible memory. gramps couldn't take it, i had to carry the day for him. gramps has since told me i was a rock that day, and i couldn't be happier that i was able to help him. me and the vet carry Buddy's body out to the car. Damn, what a dog he was. I say goodbye to the vet, thank him, run back into the house, go in my room, shut the door, and cry for a bit. everyone else was hiding. it was unreal. what a day. Buddy RIP.
after may 13th i began my summer in NYC. i worked PS 33 for the beautiful Ms. Kurlan 3-4 days a week, and for my Dad at Empire 1-2 days a week. It varied. I had a bedroom to myself, and got two new roommates for those 7 weeks. June 23th, a Friday, I moved out of Third Avenue North. Danielle helped me 'cause she really was great. I miss her. In between those dates, I lived and worked in NYC, and was in SMithtown every weekend. In hindsight, it was one of the best periods of my life. Since, my nostalgia for high school has almost faded and turned into my nostalgia for those days. I went to the gym all the time, I saw my sister a lot, I had friends and family at home to look forward to on the weekends, I was getting up early every day, around 7-7:30, and much earlier on days when I worked for Dad, more like 4:30 or 5, but I was STILL lovin' it. and even if i didnt love it at the time, cause it sucked gettin up sometimes, in hindsight it was incredible. to go on... i was food shopping for myself, learning to cook better, doin all this shit for myself. i learned so much. it was during that time that I decided to transfer schools. I realized that I would never be happy staying at NYU simply because I did not decide on it, it more or less (by giving me a scholarship), decided on me. I had a better reason than that actually, but I forget it. I remember sitting there in my room one night thinking about it. That I would transfer. I had no idea where. But I knew i was gonna go. I don't think I told anyone. Not even momma. but yea.... those days. i could rave about them for a while. the world cup was happening during all that time. DAMN what good days. then after i moved out of Third North, on june 23rd, i stayed in the city three days of the next week to finish the academic year at P.S. 33. Someday, some beautiful day, I will tell Ms. Kurlan that I'm in love with her. But until that day. well. whatever. yea I worked those three days, and i stayed two nights with my sister reeny in her apartment. that was her first month in that place over on 2nd st and avenue A. she was lovin it. Oh! i remember what else! those days I was driving my dad's BMW X5 around. i freakin miss that car. man i felt so independent back then. i took such great strides in life. I had so much responsibility. A steady job, takin care of my dad with his broken leg, keepin an eye on things back home, just everything. it felt so good to be me, in those days. i miss it so badly.
well thats about it for now. the rest of my life since those days will have to wait.
if you read this whole thing, and i mean really read it, please let me know. i will be very grateful for giving me your time.
love,
james (formerly king james of the high school)
i dont know why i have this thing. i know why i have this thing.
i just read johnny's lj and it inspired me to write something/anything.
it is may 5th, and this is my last weekend in UNC of the spring semester. what a semester. right now it's in turmoil, but it was wayyyyyy up before it came back down. and before it was wayyyyyy up it was wayyyy down. once i ended it with dee everything changed. and i mean EVERYthing. it's pretty much a benchmark of me enjoying UNC. everything before it really doesn't matter... everything since has been momentous.
i've got a headache from thinking about life.
do you ever get the feeling that you have lost how to be happy? how to have fun. i get that feeling lately. i've got all stress, all the time. i do it to myself.
it's unbelievable that it's may of 2007? it was just june of 2005. yea that's right... and before that, it was just december of 2002, and shiz was throwing me a surprise birthday party. things were great. what the hell happened.
i'm confused. i dont know what to do or where to go. i feel like i'm stuck under a mountain of something/anything. maybe once i go home that mountain will crumble or even disappear. i hope so. i sound like an emo kid, or maybe even jill mattera, right now. i love jill, i'm just kidding. but i'm serious. i dance with words these days. ask cristy.
i don't want to get into that one, but i think it's a bust. i respect her like NO other. but i think she dont like me like she thinks she does, all in her head. same as the ones that have come before her. i dont know where it will end
i still can't believe they shot sonny on the causeway.
for the record maybe i should jot a few things down.
april 20th weekend, my dad visited me. it was an awesome, awesome weekend. he is losing absurd amounts of weight on his diet, we played frisbee, we went out to lunch and dinner with my friends, and uh. saturday night was the best. went to the siena with him ryan and cristy. he had me and cristy drunk, and he was telling stories like he's becoming popi. it was a sight to behold. was great hangin with dad all weekend, and i mean GREAT.
ummmm ryan's friend yuxi was here in march. two weeks after spring break ended... so i guess march 31st weekend. THAT was a fun weekend. mad chinese food, mad spicy food, mad wii. mad things starting with C.
that will be all for now.
at this time last year, i had one of the worst/strangest weeks of my life. losing buddy (RIP), which i cant overstate how bad that was, the salvia incident, and the disaster with danielle were the bad parts. jeff to Long Island and that day with roseman, jeff's last night, a bunch of people's last nights, those nights at proof and skinny, and it being my last week of NYU classes/finals were the good parts. it was unreal. shahin in the park, thursday may 4th, 2006, you know what i'm talkin bout girl. proof AND skinny, night of may 5th. deedle comes to NYC may 6th, basically just about to get back together and i fucked it up, what a day that was. may 7th jeff in LI, incredible day. may 8th worked at PS 33, then the salvia incident at night, which is still hands down the scariest thing to ever happen to me. tuesday may 9th, wed. may 10th, i worked the elem school one day and at empire the other. thursday may 11th jeff's last day, 5 hour conversation, the WTC, little italy, south street seaport, drinking, a session, and waking up the morning of friday may 12th to find him gone, off on his plane to hawaii. phone call from aunt moe, friday night, tellin me they're puttin buddy down the next day. up late, packin up for the room switch, up early on saturday may 13th, catch a 7 something train home from penn to smithtown to get there before the vet gets there at 9:30. made it, mother picked me up. saw buddy in his last minutes, saw the devastation on everyone's faces. vet came there, vet talked to gramps and me, and thus began a terrible terrible memory. gramps couldn't take it, i had to carry the day for him. gramps has since told me i was a rock that day, and i couldn't be happier that i was able to help him. me and the vet carry Buddy's body out to the car. Damn, what a dog he was. I say goodbye to the vet, thank him, run back into the house, go in my room, shut the door, and cry for a bit. everyone else was hiding. it was unreal. what a day. Buddy RIP.
after may 13th i began my summer in NYC. i worked PS 33 for the beautiful Ms. Kurlan 3-4 days a week, and for my Dad at Empire 1-2 days a week. It varied. I had a bedroom to myself, and got two new roommates for those 7 weeks. June 23th, a Friday, I moved out of Third Avenue North. Danielle helped me 'cause she really was great. I miss her. In between those dates, I lived and worked in NYC, and was in SMithtown every weekend. In hindsight, it was one of the best periods of my life. Since, my nostalgia for high school has almost faded and turned into my nostalgia for those days. I went to the gym all the time, I saw my sister a lot, I had friends and family at home to look forward to on the weekends, I was getting up early every day, around 7-7:30, and much earlier on days when I worked for Dad, more like 4:30 or 5, but I was STILL lovin' it. and even if i didnt love it at the time, cause it sucked gettin up sometimes, in hindsight it was incredible. to go on... i was food shopping for myself, learning to cook better, doin all this shit for myself. i learned so much. it was during that time that I decided to transfer schools. I realized that I would never be happy staying at NYU simply because I did not decide on it, it more or less (by giving me a scholarship), decided on me. I had a better reason than that actually, but I forget it. I remember sitting there in my room one night thinking about it. That I would transfer. I had no idea where. But I knew i was gonna go. I don't think I told anyone. Not even momma. but yea.... those days. i could rave about them for a while. the world cup was happening during all that time. DAMN what good days. then after i moved out of Third North, on june 23rd, i stayed in the city three days of the next week to finish the academic year at P.S. 33. Someday, some beautiful day, I will tell Ms. Kurlan that I'm in love with her. But until that day. well. whatever. yea I worked those three days, and i stayed two nights with my sister reeny in her apartment. that was her first month in that place over on 2nd st and avenue A. she was lovin it. Oh! i remember what else! those days I was driving my dad's BMW X5 around. i freakin miss that car. man i felt so independent back then. i took such great strides in life. I had so much responsibility. A steady job, takin care of my dad with his broken leg, keepin an eye on things back home, just everything. it felt so good to be me, in those days. i miss it so badly.
well thats about it for now. the rest of my life since those days will have to wait.
if you read this whole thing, and i mean really read it, please let me know. i will be very grateful for giving me your time.
love,
james (formerly king james of the high school)