Happy Birthday, Mario
Inspired by STFUmarieds
"Are ya ready to go?" Brian asked.
"Huh? Where to?" Mario responded.
"I'll tell you when we get there, Birthday Boy! It's supposed to be a surprise!"
"Fine, fine… Just let me finish my coffee first though."
Fifteen minutes later they were climbing out of a cab and standing in front of a dilapidated old warehouse.
"Follow me." Brian said as he jogged around the side of the condemned building.
"Are we even allowed to be here?" said Mario, trying to keep up.
"Believe me, nobody else probably knows about this. There's nothing to worry about. Well… Um. Nevermind."
"What does that mean? What do you mean? Why are we here?"
"Just shut up and give me a hand here!" Brian grunted as he pressed his weight against an old rusted door, trying to coax it open.
Mario and Brian half stumbled through the door as it finally gave. Inside there was nothing, save for quite a bit of dirt and a few boxes strewn about. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, Mario was able to make out a large dark shape near the center of the warehouse floor.
Click! Brian had pressed a switch somewhere and the shape became illuminated.
As they walked closer, Mario could see it was a huge metal sphere with cables running from it in all directions.
"Ah. Here we are!" Brian said excitedly as he pressed a button on sphere.
A vertical seam appeared along the side of the sphere. The seam widened as the sphere opened and the sides spread further apart.
"Now this" exclaimed Brian excitedly "this is a wonderful machine… a simulator of sorts."
"Like a flight simulator?" Mario asked.
"No. A LIFE simulator! More specifically, a marriage simulator. With this, you'll experience, first hand, exactly what life is like after marriage!"
"Dude… That sounds kind of lame…"
"Trust me! You'll be thanking me later. I promise! Now get in!"
"Are you sure it's safe?"
"Perfectly. Danette has already tried it. She loved it!"
"Lucky bastard." Brian said under his breath as the sphere closed around his friend. "I wish I'd known about this before… Before… Jenn…"
Even though Brian's heart was sinking at the thought, he knew he would be protecting Mario from the same fate. A fate worse than death. Holy Matrimony...