so, crazy ness.

[gnothi_sauton]

ok well lets see.. Friday night, chris read my journal. i think he only read the past entry, but wow. i was pissed(at myself for even writing those things, and leaving it out for him to see). i know if i had gone to used his computer and his journal was open and i saw my name in it, i would have read it. so anyway, i got home and he wasn't here. so i called him, not knowing anything was wrong. he said he had sent me a text message and that would explain everything. i waited for like 10 minutes and never got it and called him back. first he says he doesn't want to come back here tonight. then i ask him why, and he tells me to go up to my computer and just look at what is sitting there. i get up her and im like "WTF YOU READ MY JOURNAL!?!" and he said he went on my computer to play minesweeper, and it was just sitting there. and then i suddenly remembered that i had been rereading it before i left for work. so there it was for him to see. i dont know if he read anything else. but anyway, he told me he was coming over to talk about it. so then i freak out. first i chuck some nail polish at my door and leave a huge dent. then i get up and punch a hole in the door. i was also bawling at this point. beth heard all the commotion from down stairs and came up to see what was wrong with me, saw that my hand was bleeding really bad (which i didn't even notice till she said something... and im still bawling it this point). Right away he told me he wasn't mad, and started hugging me and holding me. I wish i had never written those things, because this week we started talking about marriage, and long-term stuff. I dont know why, but this week made me realize how much i love him, and how much i really do want to be with him forever. and I can now say that without any second thoughts... and i just.. love him.

by the way, the sex is amazing lately. ;)