(no subject)
Okay. I got angsty writing out of the way. Rational Jake is going to be the functional one today, because emotional Jake is just too sad to come out today.
Matt, Matt, Matt, that's the thing I get sad about, when I get sad. The regrets, the longing for times past when things seemed saner and happier, and certainly more secure. There is no certainty in my life anymore, I have no assurance in other people. I trust no one, now, least of all Matt. He broke my heart into so many pieces, and now that I've glued most of them back together, I see the one that's missing, that Matt-shaped hole of a piece that he took with him when we broke up.
I'll never stop loving him, but I don't love him in the same way, as I'm sure is the same. I love him like I love a sibling that I'm frustrated with; there's always love there, but bickering, too, because there's still so much emotion for me so close to the surface. I don't know how he's been able to separate himself from it all so quickly, and it genuinely hurts to think that he's gotten over me so much quicker.
My heart still hurts so much, at times. It can feel like pieces of jagged glass sticking in it. Everyone and their mother says 'distance distance distance', and perhaps they're right, but the thought terrifies me.
It's time to start working without the net.
What do I do?
Matt, Matt, Matt, that's the thing I get sad about, when I get sad. The regrets, the longing for times past when things seemed saner and happier, and certainly more secure. There is no certainty in my life anymore, I have no assurance in other people. I trust no one, now, least of all Matt. He broke my heart into so many pieces, and now that I've glued most of them back together, I see the one that's missing, that Matt-shaped hole of a piece that he took with him when we broke up.
I'll never stop loving him, but I don't love him in the same way, as I'm sure is the same. I love him like I love a sibling that I'm frustrated with; there's always love there, but bickering, too, because there's still so much emotion for me so close to the surface. I don't know how he's been able to separate himself from it all so quickly, and it genuinely hurts to think that he's gotten over me so much quicker.
My heart still hurts so much, at times. It can feel like pieces of jagged glass sticking in it. Everyone and their mother says 'distance distance distance', and perhaps they're right, but the thought terrifies me.
It's time to start working without the net.
What do I do?