Beyond The Words | Chapter 19
Chapter 19
“ I think about you all the time…”
___________________________________________________________
So maybe tomorrow,
I’ll find my way home…
….
Jenny’s heart sank as she made her way through the hospital doors, Serena hadn’t told her much just that Nate had been in some accident and was in pretty bad shape, infact that was the only thing Jenny heard her say the whole cab ride to the hospital, it was obvious Jenny was still in her bad books, another thing Jenny had on her ‘to do’ list, fix things with Serena. But right now, that could wait all that mattered was Nate.
As they made their way through the corridors Jenny suddenly spotted Dan sat outside, shaking his leg nervously.
“Dan!”, Jenny shouted running up to her brother and hugging him. “What happened? Is Nate ok?!”
“He’s unconscious, I don’t know anything else.” Pulling away from Dan she looked at him and Serena.
“Well can we see him? Is he in there alone?”. Jenny heard the door to Nate’s room open behind her, and was shocked at who she saw walking out of it.
Vanessa. What was she doing here? “Vanessa, oh my god.” Jenny walked over to her friend, and hugged her tightly. “What are you doing here?” Jenny asked tucking her hair behind her ear.
“Vanessa’s the one who found him.” Dan muttered sheepishly, him and Vanessa hadn’t exactly been best buddies since their break up, they still hung out once in a while but things were just too… different now. Another reason Dan regretted their disaster of a relationship.
“Yeah, I was coming out of work and saw him stumbling on the path, he must of been drinking, I tried shouting him but he didn’t hear me, he fell onto the road and the next thing he’s underneath a cab and Im calling an ambulance.”
Jenny’s stomach knotted with every word Vanessa was saying. This is all my fault. She thought to herself, the guilt creeping up on her. “Well what now? Is he gonna be ok?”
“I just talked to the doctor. He’s got a separated shoulder, a couple broken ribs, and he’ll probably be suffering from a concussion too with how hard his head smacked the road…”, Jenny looked down the tears forming in her eyes.
“…Their prepping him for surgery now.”
“Well can I see him? I need to see him.” Jenny said walking over to the door, and grabbing the handle.
“I don’t think so Jenny.” Vanessa said quickly intercepting her. “I mean he’s in pretty bad shape, and I was just in there so…”
Nodding her head, Jenny was in no fit state to argue, she sat down on the chair next to her brother.
“I guess all we can do now is wait…”, Serena muttered, clutching Dan’s hand tightly.
“Yep. And pray he’s gonna be ok.” Dan mumbled looking at Jenny, putting a hand on her knee. “He will be ok Jenny.”
What if he wasn’t? What if he died on that operating table, and Jenny didn’t get the chance to tell him how she felt. To tell him how in love with him she really was, how in love with him she’d always been. You Idiot, all you’ve done this past month is push him away, tell him how you don’t want him. If he dies tonight, he would die thinking Jenny Humphrey didn’t love him.
….
Twitching her thumbs nervously, Jenny looked at the clock for what felt like 100th time in the last minute. Nate had been in surgery for 2 hours now, which just made Jenny more worried, more anxious. If it wasn’t that bad then he’d just be in and out of there, he’d been in there too long. What if he’d died, and they were trying to bring him back. Or if he has internal bleeding? Shaking her head, she shook away the cruel, painful thoughts that filled it. Turning her attention to Vanessa.
“He’s lucky you found him, I mean he could have just been left lying there.” Jenny whispered playing with her shirt.
“Yeah. I guess I was just in the right place at the right time. You should have seen him Jenny, there was so much blood. I didn’t know what to think, what to do.”
“You called the ambulance.” Jenny said holding Vanessa’s hand. “You did enough, trust me.”
“I held his hand the whole way here. It’s weird to think that something as awful as this, can really make you realise how much a person means to you.” Vanessa said, before looking over at Dan who was returning with the coffee’s. Jenny’s stomach twisted, frowning she watched as Vanessa got up and took her coffee. What did she mean by that?
Standing up, Jenny scratched her arm nervously before seeing a doctor approaching the reception. She knew it was the same doctor that operated on Nate, because she saw him walk into Nate’s room. Slipping past Dan and Vanessa, she made her way over to him.
“Excuse me, you just operated on Nathaniel Archibald right?”, Jenny asked folding her arms.
“I did. Are you a friend of his?”. Jenny laughed to herself weakly, she didn’t know what the hell she was, and she wasn’t going to get into that now.
“Yeah I am, how is he doing?”.
“Well, I was just making my way over to you and your friends now but, the surgery went extremely well, we had a little problem with his heart rate at first, but nothing too serious.”
“So is he gonna be ok?”, she asked swallowing deeply.
“He should be, it’s hard to tell at the minute I mean…”
“Please…”, Jenny pleaded looking into his eyes, the tears stinging her own. “I need to know, is he gonna be ok?”.
Putting a hand on Jenny’s arm, the doctor smiled at her gently. “He should be just fine, we’ll keep an eye on him.” He whispered, causing Jenny to exhale deeply, nodding her head. “Would you like to see him?”
Jenny looked up at him quickly, almost loosing her breath. “Yes please.” The two were about to make their way to Nate’s bedside, when Jenny heard Vanessa shouting the doctor before running up to him and Jenny.
“Doctor, what happened. Is he alright?”, Vanessa asked breathless.
“He’s going to be fine. Like I told your friend here, the surgery went well, we had a minor complication at the beginning, but nothing to worry about.”
“Oh thank god.” Vanessa said, sighing before looking at Dan and Serena.
“So, can we see him?”, Serena asked holding onto her boyfriends hand.
“Of course, follow me.” The doctor said leading the four of them to Nate.
Watching him open the door, Jenny walked into the room slowly terrified of what she’d see. Gulping quickly, she made her way inside holding Dan’s hand. Looking up, that was when it hit her. The bandage wrapped around Nate’s perfect head, the bruises masking his beautiful face, the tubes coming out of his mouth and the monitors around him. Jenny let go of Dan’s hand, wrapping her arms around her tightly. She watched as Vanessa walked up to him, stroking his hair.
“It almost doesn’t look like him does it?”.
That was it. Jenny couldn’t handle this anymore. “Im sorry, I need some air.” She practically ran out of the room, pushing her way past all the doctors and other patients in the corridors, she needed to get out, the whole place was claustrophobic, finally making her way outside she threw herself against one of the walls, not able to hold back her tears any longer. Standing there she just sobbed, unable to control herself, oblivious to everyone else around her.
“Jenny…”.
Looking up she saw Serena, standing in front of her. Oh god, she really wasn’t in the mood for another pointless fight with her. Jenny wiped her eyes furiously, before watching Serena lean against the wall next to her.
“It’s hard isn’t it? Seeing him like that.” Serena muttered looking into the distance.
Jenny nodded her head, sniffling. “Yeah it is, that place is just so… suffocating. It just oozes death and depression and pain, Nate shouldn’t be in there.”
Serena looked at Jenny sympathetically. “You really do care about him don’t you?”
“I do. More than I should, but I do.” Jenny mumbled looking at her step sister. “Serena, I never apologised to you for what I did a couple months back, it was hurtful and wrong and…”
“Jenny, it’s alright. To be honest, Ive been feeling a little bit like a hypocrite lately. Being mad at you for doing something when back when I was your age, I did so much worse. And I did it over and over again, until it just ate me up inside, there was just this whole that I filled with alcohol and parties and pretty soon that led me to pushing away everyone Ive ever cared about, it led me to almost loosing Blair. I mean sleeping with your best friends boyfriend on a barstool, that one really was classy.”
The two of them laughed weakly. “We all make mistakes you know, and all we can do is learn from them and try to make things right. Which is what I think your doing, and I admire you for that, because when I came back, all I ever did was run from them.”
“But what if some things can never be put right, what if you just carry this darkness around with you for the rest of your life? I mean Blair is never going to forgive me, and I can barely even Ch.. Chucks name without feeling like I wanna jump off the nearest building.”
Serena licked her lips, nodding. “I wish I could say, that you could take that back but you cant. Jenny your first time will stay with you for the rest of your life. And while it might be painful for you now, it will get better. You’ll learn to accept what happened and move forward, move forward with your life and with someone else. I mean you did with Liam…”
“Yeah but, I couldn’t sleep with Liam.”
“Are you sure that was because of Chuck?”, Serena asked nudging her gently.
Jenny chuckled weakly. She knew exactly who Serena was talking about.
Smiling Serena put her arm around Jenny. “Come on, let’s go get something to eat. Have you tried hospital food?”. Serena asked as the two walked back inside.
“Nope.” Jenny mumbled, folding her arms.
“It’s awful.” Serena joked causing the two to laugh hysterically.
….
Jenny awoke to find Dan stood kneeled down in front of her, nudging her. “Jenny…”
Squinting her eyes she looked at her brother. “What time is it?”. She asked, adjusting herself on the chair. She didn’t know how in hell she fell asleep in this thing.
“4:30 AM”. Dan whispered looking at the clock. “Were gonna take off now, you coming?”
Rubbing her eyes she stood up. “Yeah, how’s Nate? Has he woken up yet?”
“No, he’s still asleep. Vanessa’s in there with him now.” Jenny’s stomach knotted every time Dan said Vanessa and Nate in the same sentence, it was like they were dating all over again.
“Ok, lets go.”
“Are you sure you wanna leave Jenny, you havent even seen him properly yet.” Serena asked, grabbing Dan’s hand.
“Yeah Im sure, I can see him tomorrow.” Jenny muttered, watching Vanessa walk out of Nate’s room, smiling gently at Dan who passed her, her jacket.
“Alright, we going?” Vanessa asked.
“Yeah, lets go.” Dan replied. Jenny followed them before stopping outside of Nate’s door. She swallowed deeply. Frowning at the door handle, she was contemplating whether or not to leave him alone for the night.
Turning around Serena noticed Jenny staring at Nate’s door, she smiled gently.
“Stay. Someone should be with him tonight.”
“I don’t, I don’t know.”, Jenny muttered looking at her.
“Jenny, just go see him. You’ll feel better.” Winking at her step sister she walked off with Dan, grabbing Vanessa’s arm to make sure she didn’t walk back into Nate’s room.
Smiling, Jenny waved at Dan and Serena before turning her attention to the door that faced her. Exhaling deeply she slowly opened it, making her way into the room. The sight of Nate stung her again, although it wasn’t as severe this time around. She walked over to his bed slowly, his bruises looking more and more purple as she got closer. Tears began to fall from her eyes as she saw the state he was in, inspected the monitors and machines surrounding him. “This is all my fault.” Jenny whispered, stroking his cheek gently.
Hearing the door open behind her, she turned to find the doctor walking in.
“Ah, your still here.” He said casually walking over to Nate’s bedside, checking his vitals and writing something down on his notepad.
“Yeah, I am.” Jenny replied, turning her attention back to Nate.
“He looks worse than he actually is. An athletic boy like this, Im sure he’ll recover in no time.” The doctor assured her, looking up at her.
Jenny nodded her head, licking her lips she tasted the salt from her tears, before watching the doctor make his way back over to the door.
“You know, his injuries are only sustained on his left side. So if you wanted to give him a little cuddle, you could. I just suggest you keep it to the right side and keep it tender.” He whispered, winking at her before leaving the room. Jenny smiled weakly, before frowning. Were all doctors this nice?
Turning her attention back to Nate, she took her shoes off throwing them onto the chair that was beside his bed, before climbing onto the bed slowly. Making sure she didn’t lean or touch Nate too much, she laid down next to him, nuzzling her head underneath his chin. He still smelt like Nate, still smelt so deliciously perfect. Listening to his steady heartbeat, Jenny began making small circles on his chest, she hoped he wasn’t in too much pain, she hoped this wasn’t hurting him. Licking her lips, she closed her eyes before her exhaling soon matched Nate’s, they were in sync with each other so peacefully, so perfectly.
Now it was a waiting game, she began counting down the seconds, the minutes before he’d wake up, before she could hear him say her name, before she could be entranced once again by his beautiful blue eyes.