Undisclosed Desires | Chapter One
Undisclosed Desires by Naomi.
Pairing: Nate & Jenny | Gossip Girl.
Rating: TBD.
Chapters: 1/??
Summary: Set in Season 3. Starts with an Alternate take on 315. What if Nate had found Jenny that night? My take on the disaster of a love triangle, on how their friendship should have been portrayed in season 3. And what leads their feelings to resurface. Hope you enjoy (:
Chapter One
no matter what, you can always come to me
. . . .
Jenny’s heart sank into her stomach, she laid everything she had on the line tonight, her heart was set on loosing her virginity to Damien, she was ready, she thought it was what she wanted but seeing him walk out of the door like that, so quickly, so cruelly, and spitting out those words to her? It stung every nerve ending in her body. A part of her was glad he’d walked out, glad he’d revealed his true colors before she’d slept with him, but the other more dominating part was crushed, yet another man in her life that didn’t want her. Asher, Damien… Nate. What’s wrong with me?! She asked herself over and over again, was she really that unlovable? That repulsive? All she’d ever wanted was for people to accept her, to appreciate her ambitions to support her dreams, to understand her in her times of need but every time all she ever got was the image of people walking away.
Wiping away the tears streaming down her delicate features, Jenny clutched onto the bed covers tightly. She didn’t want to get up yet, she didn’t want to have to put her clothes on and walk out of the door still a virgin, still the same old unlovable Jenny Humphrey. The truth was, she was ashamed. Ashamed of the things she’d done with Damien, ashamed of believing his stupid lies, her family wouldn’t understand. Her Dad would just be his overprotective self and Dan would be the judgemental hypocrite he always was. Why couldn’t they just understand that all she wanted was to have her family back, was to feel protected, and wanted and loved? She was more vulnerable now than she ever had been, and truthfully she had no one.
Wiping her eyes, Jenny heard a buzzing noise coming from her purse. Climbing out of bed, she picked up her purse before pulling out her cell. Jenny bit her lip as she read the called ID. Nate. He must be so mad at her, after what she’d said to him, and letting Damien go ahead and punch him, a lecture from Nate was the last thing she needed right now. Throwing her phone onto the bed, she folded her arms around her thin waist, waiting for it to stop ringing. Jenny replayed Nate’s words in her head, how he’d called her special, how he’d described the guy she’d always wanted. The truth was even though their relationship had been tainted in the past, Nate was the only person Jenny could see herself talking to, she wasn’t sure exactly why that was… all she knew was that she needed somebody. Picking up her phone, she decided to send him a text rather than call him. Her hands were shaking as she typed out the words.
Im at the Empire. Room 112.
- Jenny
Throwing her phone back into her purse, she picked up her dress. Sliding it up her slim frame, Jenny felt the tears returning but decided to this time fight them off. She promised herself she wasn’t going to cry again until she was back in the sanctity of her own room. Pulling up her tights, she sat on the bed slowly placing her feet into the shoes she’d literally just taken off 15 minutes ago. Sighing, she clasped her hands tightly together waiting for the knock on the door. Nate would be here soon, the judgement and pity on his face would be apparent, oh god why did she have to text him? The two of them weren’t even that close anymore, infact after the Snowflake Ball they’d barely even said two words to each other. But tonight, for some strange reason - she needed him.
“Jenny?”.
Hearing a knock on the door, Jenny gulped before straightening up her dress and hair. Opening the door, she saw Nate stood in front of her looking frantic.
“Jenny what the hell were you playing at?! Ive been calling and ca-”
“Nate…”, Jenny whispered before throwing her arms around his neck. Nate held out his arms, unsure of what to do. It had been so long since him and Jenny had been this physically close, he was shocked by her sudden embrace. Feeling her body trembling against his, he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her tiny waist. He hated seeing her like this, so broken. Reaching around her, he shut the hotel door. Ushering her along the corridor.
“Come on, lets get you home.”
“No, I don’t want to go home yet.” Jenny mumbled pulling away from the safety of Nate‘s arms.
Sighing, Nate scanned her face. “Ok, lets take a walk. Your ok to walk right?”
Jenny nodded, wiping away the tears streaming down her cheek. She must have looked terrible. Walking along next to Nate, Jenny felt his eyes on her, she could sense how worried he was, grateful that he wasn’t yelling, Jenny threw her arms around his waist, causing Nate to smile weakly. Putting his hand on Jenny’s shoulder, the two walked out of the hotel now entwined together.
Jenny’s arms didn’t leave Nate’s waist the entire time they were walking around Manhattan, anyone would have thought they were a couple. He was her support unit tonight, she felt like if she let him go she’d collapse, collapse back into the pain and the darkness. The two soon stopped outside a set of very familiar steps, Jenny hadn’t realised how close they were to Blair’s house, she’d completely forgotten about these steps - their spot. Jenny let go of Nate and looked up at him, who was smirking weakly.
“Total coincidence.” He said putting his hands in the air.
Jenny laughed quietly, before sitting down on the spot that was formally Nate’s 3 years ago. Wrapping her arms tightly around her waist, she looked down shaking her legs nervously as Nate sat down next to her.
Licking his lips, Nate looked at Jenny. “Jenny you gotta talk to me. What happened tonight?”
Jenny shook her head, she didn’t want to admit what had happened she was too embarrassed.
“Damien, did he… did he hurt you?”, Nate asked gently his fists clenching when he said that bastards name.
“No, not physically anyways”, Jenny croaked out tucking her gold locks behind her ear.
“So, you two didn’t…”
Shaking her head, Jenny swallowed deeply. “No we didn’t.”
Nate exhaled, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He’d say that was a relief, but for him that would possibly be the biggest understatement of the year.
“I told him I wasn’t ready, and he… walked out”, Jenny stuttered the tears now returning.
Nate closed his eyes, before putting a hand on Jenny’s back.
“Jenny, Im sorry. But that guy he was jerk, and he was trouble. And what he did to you? Someone like that isn’t worth your time, or your tears.” Reaching up to Jenny’s face, Nate wiped away the tears escaping Jenny’s eyes.
“I know he was a bad person, and the things he was doing were wrong… but for once I thought I’d found someone who really liked me, who wanted to be with me, you know someone who respected me.” Jenny shook her head. “I guess I was wrong.”
“Jenny you are such an amazing girl, with so much talent and potential. You don’t need dicks like him ruining your plans, ruining the person you are deep down. I don’t want you to ever think that your not surrounded by people who love and care for you. You dad, Dan, Lilly, Eric, Serena… me. We all want what’s best for you Jenny, and honestly I think you’ve had a pretty lucky escape. Rather he leave now, than in a few weeks when you’ve let him do something that you’ll never be able to take back.”
Nate observed as Jenny nodded her head. “Come here.” Pulling Jenny into another gentle embrace, he couldn’t help but smell her hair it always smelt so fresh, so refreshing. “Im always here for you, no matter what you can always come to me.”
“Your gonna regret saying that Jenny joked, causing the two of them to laugh in sync with each other. Pulling away, Jenny smiled at him. “Thank you Nate, for listening to me.”
“Anytime.” Nate whispered smiling gently at the petite blonde. “Now Wha dya say I go get you a hot chocolate and take you home? You dad must be really worried.”
Smiling Jenny sat up. “Ok, sounds good.”
“Alright.” Getting up, the two made there way to the nearest café. Jenny this time keeping her hands to herself, the pain she once felt had now disappeared the shame of what she was planning to do still lingered but Nate’s presence made her smile, made her feel somewhat complete.
. . . .
Sipping on her drink, Jenny clutched onto the cup nibbling slightly at the top of it.
“So thank you for my hot chocolate.” Jenny mumbled looking at Nate who was finishing off the last of his chocolate muffin.
“Don’t worry about it”, he spat out whilst swallowing his food causing Jenny to giggle to herself, he could be such a dork sometimes, something Jenny only discovered a year ago when he was briefly a Humphrey. Making their way into the building, Jenny looked at the Loft doors that faced her.
She could hear Dan and her father on the other side, they sounded worried…angry. Jenny frowned.
Noticing Jenny’s unease, Nate put a hand on her back.
“Hey, your gonna be fine Ok?”
Swallowing, Jenny nodded gripping the door handle she opened the door slowly. This was gonna be torture. Walking into the Loft she saw her family all gathered for her return, I guess they do care, Jenny thought to herself. Watching Nate walk over to Serena, Jenny looked over at Rufus.
“Everyone will be happy to know that Damien and I broke up…”. Jenny’s brief conversation with her father wasn’t as bad she thought it would be. She was still grounded she expected that, her father would never trust her again but atleast he wasn’t yelling. Catching Nate’s eye once again, she saw him smile at her gently before she made her way to her room. Shutting the door firmly behind her, thank god that was over. Removing her scarf and jacket, Jenny threw herself onto her bed. The tears she had expected to be now streaming down her face uncontrollably were noticeably absent, putting in her earphones Jenny turned on the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Smiling to herself weakly as she sang along to the song in her head.
She was sure this sense of calm she felt, this acceptance was because of her time spent with Nate. Honestly, tonight she’d seen the old Nate resurface, the Nate that was once her friend, the Nate that protected her from harm, she’d seen their innocence, their friendship return in the space of one hour.
And that fact alone blocked out any pain she may have felt previously. Tonight she’d seen a glimpse of hope, a glimpse of light. And nobody was going to ruin this for her, not again.