i worry too much
now that school is finally almost here i don't know if i'm ready. i know a lot of the freshmen coming (and by a lot i mean like 10) and it might be sort of weird to have them here. and being a student manager at work all of a sudden has me freaked. i can be so irresponsible sometimes, i'm thinking maybe they made a mistake in choosing me, or ed did anyway, i don't think don ever wanted me as one. but what if people don't respect me and i forget to do half the stuff i'm supposed to, i'm the only one responsible! and what if i get sucky people that i have to yell at to get them to do their job and then they hate me a say nasty things when i leave the table at dinner. plus i'm really young, i could have seniors working under me! i just don't know. not having a roommate is nice, so i don't have to worry about getting along with someone. but there are always sinkmates, i mean i had a nightmare of a sinkmate last year. (i'm sorry gina!! i'll pray for you) and my classes are of course scaring me, especially multivariate. i've never forgotten what mr. harter said about learning math up to a certain point and then your brain just can't understand any higher than that. i'm so scared i'll get to that point in one of these classes and all of a sudden i'll lose what i've always had, it won't be easy for me anymore, i won't enjoy it. and money always has me worried. i need to save, but after working like a dog all summer i have almost nothing, rent and phone bills are not cheap. all of this stuff has been keeping me up nights. i get off the phone with luke every night, usually when he starts falling asleep on the phone, and for a while i'm happy and ok. talking to him usually relaxes me. but then things start going through my mind and i get tense and don't fall asleep for a long time. right now i feel like the only good thing about school will be having my friends back and having luke back, cuz the rest of it is just driving me crazy.