(no subject)

Jan 19, 2006 01:42

i feel sometimes like im flawed. ive studied stimulant seekers, and for a while i thought i was one, constantly trying to find something that makes me feel like i exist, and to find satisfaction in something that rewards me with some type of gratification. but upon further self- analyzation, i see that i am not this. sure, i abuse alot of substance and do alot of stupid things. but i dont think this is to find my existence, i think i use it more to smooth my existance over, killing time until i slowly fade away. this might be another level of stimulant seeking, or its something else. i dont know, i just dont feel good anymore.

can i never be happy? or can i never be happy with the life ive gotten by default?

i just get so upset sometimes and just want to run away, to be another face in the crowd somewhere.

also: this is a self reminder for me to post on the fish theory and do my social stats HW.
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