sick...
so i've been wrestling with all sorts of things lately... mostly stupid things. but nonetheless... i find myself in overprotective bitch mode... amanda's been making appearances in all the wrong ways lately more than i'd care to admit. and no one really cares to see her. she's just too emotional in all the wrong ways. and baker's trying to cover for her. letting her wear the mask of happy neutrality. the baker that wants to see people happy that underneath amanda is sharpening her claws for any wrong move they might make... and maybe baker's just too tired lately to deal with the world. the sick web has been woven, and though most of the nodes are good, the patterns are changing and tangling and making me feel sick... and then here is the new me. she makes me want to hurl. vivacious and flirty and naive but willing... was there ever a now-me despising then-self? i think there was a sex in the city about this. *sigh* one year. that's all it takes. one fucking year. i'm worn out and content at the same time. and something new needs to happen geographically speaking. she's trying to protect us, but she's reacting out of fear and wounding those who are most sensitive. aye. i need this trip home. home is where the heart is. and i've left it in many places. help me find the pieces, so we can make a new home?