The hits just keep on coming
So on Monday I got rear ended. I'm okay. My car is fenderless at the moment and the actual bumper part is bent to shit. My airbag didn't go off and insurance has been notified.
The person who hit me was a young girl 19-20. She cried and told me she had a lot going on in her life. Who doesn't sweetheart? I am not happy that I got hit yet at the same time it really was anti-climatic. I mean we live in the fear of getting in an accident. We dread accidents and don't get me wrong. We fear accidents for good reasons like death. Yet, getting into an accident like this was just not that big of a deal. I'm fine the car will be fixed and I keep on going.
I guess in a lot of ways life is reminding me that things are only as big a deal as we make them.
Which bring me to my next topic.
I'm DEPRESSED. I haven't been depressed in awhile and I forgot how much it sucks. I'm not really taking Kathryn moving away as well as I would like too. I'm still very emotionally attached to her. She called me on my birthday and I fucking fell apart after that. Before that I was doing a pretty good job living in Denialsville. Yet denial isn't really healthy and the truth of the matter is I have a heart. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to have these feelings yet it's not okay to get too caught up in them. I feel that as people the hardest thing to do is to give up someone we are emotionally addicted/attached to. Our emotions are SO powerful and easily override the logical parts of our brains it's ridiculous.
As people we get addicted to feeling certain ways yet I don't want to find new ways to become depressed. I do find myself asking myself terrible questions though. Questions like "what happened?" and "Why?" These are self destructive questions. The moment they are asked the brain, being so amazing, starts coming up with answers for them. The thing is it comes up with negative answers from the subconscious of your fears and self doubts and you start believing these things even more. I have decided that I am not going to ask myself those questions anymore. Those questions are negative and get my brain working against me instead of for me. I am now asking myself things like "What did you learn?", "How can you take the things you learned to make yourself better?" and "How can I use my experiences to make me better?"
Just thinking about these things starts to turn things around for me. The fact of the matter is I need to think this way. I need to think positively. If I spend my life trying to figure out how someone else is living there lives, I am wasting my time. Just like my mom wasted so much time trying to figure out why my dad left. The fact is that person is gone and you're still here. What you do now is what's important. How I get better is important.
At the End of the Day I'm still Matt. I can have amazing relationships with all kinds of people. I know this. I believe this. I've come so far, this is just another lesson. It's what I do with it that's important. Let's keep going.
The person who hit me was a young girl 19-20. She cried and told me she had a lot going on in her life. Who doesn't sweetheart? I am not happy that I got hit yet at the same time it really was anti-climatic. I mean we live in the fear of getting in an accident. We dread accidents and don't get me wrong. We fear accidents for good reasons like death. Yet, getting into an accident like this was just not that big of a deal. I'm fine the car will be fixed and I keep on going.
I guess in a lot of ways life is reminding me that things are only as big a deal as we make them.
Which bring me to my next topic.
I'm DEPRESSED. I haven't been depressed in awhile and I forgot how much it sucks. I'm not really taking Kathryn moving away as well as I would like too. I'm still very emotionally attached to her. She called me on my birthday and I fucking fell apart after that. Before that I was doing a pretty good job living in Denialsville. Yet denial isn't really healthy and the truth of the matter is I have a heart. It's okay to be hurt. It's okay to have these feelings yet it's not okay to get too caught up in them. I feel that as people the hardest thing to do is to give up someone we are emotionally addicted/attached to. Our emotions are SO powerful and easily override the logical parts of our brains it's ridiculous.
As people we get addicted to feeling certain ways yet I don't want to find new ways to become depressed. I do find myself asking myself terrible questions though. Questions like "what happened?" and "Why?" These are self destructive questions. The moment they are asked the brain, being so amazing, starts coming up with answers for them. The thing is it comes up with negative answers from the subconscious of your fears and self doubts and you start believing these things even more. I have decided that I am not going to ask myself those questions anymore. Those questions are negative and get my brain working against me instead of for me. I am now asking myself things like "What did you learn?", "How can you take the things you learned to make yourself better?" and "How can I use my experiences to make me better?"
Just thinking about these things starts to turn things around for me. The fact of the matter is I need to think this way. I need to think positively. If I spend my life trying to figure out how someone else is living there lives, I am wasting my time. Just like my mom wasted so much time trying to figure out why my dad left. The fact is that person is gone and you're still here. What you do now is what's important. How I get better is important.
At the End of the Day I'm still Matt. I can have amazing relationships with all kinds of people. I know this. I believe this. I've come so far, this is just another lesson. It's what I do with it that's important. Let's keep going.