contentment
altruism vs self-satisfaction... that is the question of the day.
it's been on my mind a lot lately. maybe because i feel like i'm at a juncture in my life where i'm being offered a choice.
my life is fucking awesome. after taking some time away from sex (and society as a whole, i suppose) to re-evaluate what i want to create in my life and who i want to be as a person, i'm finally drawing to me the friendships that support, uplift and inspire me with absolutely amazing like-minded folks on similar paths. i feel like i've magically stumbled through some door that is getting me "plugged in" to the community, and i'm finding more and more fun stuff to do. i'm feeling increasingly creative , and i'm physically, spiritually, and emotionally healthier, happier, and more fit than i've ever been, which in turn improves my confidence, heightens my outgoing nature, and continues the cycle of bringing more awesome people and activities into my life.
but it's seductive. it's easy to start pursuing only my own pleasure and happiness, and release my higher goals for helping humanity as a whole. i only have so much energy, and devoting myself to altruism, to goodness, to walking a meticulously conscious path of service takes up a lot. it takes up damn near all of it. it leaves very little left for me.
the choice i guess is whether to submerse myself in life as a pacifier as opposed to life in service to humanity and spiritual evolution.
the motivating factor in my altruism has been that, even if many people feel the same things that i do...compassion for others, a strong sense of social justice, a protective impulse towards this beautiful world we in habit and all it's creatures...not many people put their money where there mouth is. sure they have a twinge of guilt and sadness when they walk by the homeless, but they walk by. they might decry the destruction of the ozone layer while they're commuting to work in their hummer. if i have the passion, talent, and desire to do my best to make a real and noticeable difference in the world, it's a waste not to, right?
but then again, ultimately, what difference does it make? if death is the end of life and i cease to exist, perhaps i should spend my limited time enjoying myself to the best of my ability. if death is not the end, and there's a benevolent god who we are reabsorbed into once our spirits are freed from our bodies, then there's a happy ending for everyone anyway and our struggles on this planet are ultimately meaningless compared to infinite bliss.
i guess the real question is, who do i want to be while i'm here on earth? who do i envision myself as? do i want to create and display a person who genuinely cares about others and takes that concern to a level that most people won't? do i want to devote my life to improving the conditions of other peoples lives and raising the consciousness of the world i live in? or do i want to carve out my own little niche of happiness and contentment and live out my days in peace? and, based on who i know myself to be, could i ever find peace and be truly content if i wasn't pouring myself into bettering the world?
it's been on my mind a lot lately. maybe because i feel like i'm at a juncture in my life where i'm being offered a choice.
my life is fucking awesome. after taking some time away from sex (and society as a whole, i suppose) to re-evaluate what i want to create in my life and who i want to be as a person, i'm finally drawing to me the friendships that support, uplift and inspire me with absolutely amazing like-minded folks on similar paths. i feel like i've magically stumbled through some door that is getting me "plugged in" to the community, and i'm finding more and more fun stuff to do. i'm feeling increasingly creative , and i'm physically, spiritually, and emotionally healthier, happier, and more fit than i've ever been, which in turn improves my confidence, heightens my outgoing nature, and continues the cycle of bringing more awesome people and activities into my life.
but it's seductive. it's easy to start pursuing only my own pleasure and happiness, and release my higher goals for helping humanity as a whole. i only have so much energy, and devoting myself to altruism, to goodness, to walking a meticulously conscious path of service takes up a lot. it takes up damn near all of it. it leaves very little left for me.
the choice i guess is whether to submerse myself in life as a pacifier as opposed to life in service to humanity and spiritual evolution.
the motivating factor in my altruism has been that, even if many people feel the same things that i do...compassion for others, a strong sense of social justice, a protective impulse towards this beautiful world we in habit and all it's creatures...not many people put their money where there mouth is. sure they have a twinge of guilt and sadness when they walk by the homeless, but they walk by. they might decry the destruction of the ozone layer while they're commuting to work in their hummer. if i have the passion, talent, and desire to do my best to make a real and noticeable difference in the world, it's a waste not to, right?
but then again, ultimately, what difference does it make? if death is the end of life and i cease to exist, perhaps i should spend my limited time enjoying myself to the best of my ability. if death is not the end, and there's a benevolent god who we are reabsorbed into once our spirits are freed from our bodies, then there's a happy ending for everyone anyway and our struggles on this planet are ultimately meaningless compared to infinite bliss.
i guess the real question is, who do i want to be while i'm here on earth? who do i envision myself as? do i want to create and display a person who genuinely cares about others and takes that concern to a level that most people won't? do i want to devote my life to improving the conditions of other peoples lives and raising the consciousness of the world i live in? or do i want to carve out my own little niche of happiness and contentment and live out my days in peace? and, based on who i know myself to be, could i ever find peace and be truly content if i wasn't pouring myself into bettering the world?