Adventures in porn
Homework has completely consumed my life. In the meantime... There's never a dull day at the video store. Not really. Slow days, boring days perhaps-- but never exactly dull.
So this customer comes in, stopping short in amazement when he sees the first set of shelves with VHS. He says something about being on a friend's boat that only has a VCR, and he was convinced he wouldn't be able to watch anything. As he's wandering around I tell him there's more in the back room, and he peeks in.
"Ohh, usually if there's a back room, that's just all the.. adult stuff."
"That's upstairs."
"Is it? You got VHS up there too?!"
"I dunno actually. Probably. I haven't really checked."
"Well, I think I'll go have a look! Wanna help? Come on up with me!"
*blink?* "Uh... heh, no that's okay."
"Awww, c'mon! It'll be an adventure!!"
o_0
So he goes upstairs and starts rummaging around, while I'm dealing with other customers. There's an occasional enthusiastic "Wow!!" and "Look at THAT!" and "That's HUGE!!" from upstairs-- presently he's waving some box set case at me and wanting to know "What do you suppose comes in THAT?"
"...I really have no idea."
And then a few minutes later-- "Think fast!"
"Enh?" And I look up to see him aiming a VHS case at my head from the balcony. I have no idea if the damn thing is loaded or not-- I don't know how the VHS is kept up there.
"C'mon! I'm good, I'll send it right to you!" And he flings it, and it comes spinning down still aimed neatly at my head-- only to spin off course at the last second, ricochet off the back of the monitor and leap directly behind the shelves of No Return, into the foot-wide gap between the new release rack and the wall of glass that borders an interior hallway next door. Occasionally the cafe next door calls and complains because unsightly trash has collected back there, and we have to use long sticks or something to try to scrape it out. The VHS porn box lands towards the very back of this space. Laughing uncontrollably, I go and get the stick and crawl under the desk, over the computer, and eventually manage to fish the damn thing out.
By this time the customer has come downstairs with a VHS tape in a clear case-- Deep Throat. This is not the same title as the box he chucked at me, I discover as I try to figure out if I'm supposed to put the tape in the colored box or leave it in the clear unmarked one. Also-- OF COURSE-- he's a new customer and we have to go through the whole rigarmarole of signing him up with an account, with a lot of BS about how he doesn't want to leave his phone number, paranoid about us calling about porn or something... Another customer meanwhile comes up and asks to pay while this is going on, and so I get him taken care of. My phone alarm goes off, informing me that it's 11 and the store is closed. The porn guy has started rambling about having been kicked out by his wife, and Deep Throat being the movie that 'started it all' and something about seeing it when he was a kid... eventually I weasel a phone number (although not a signature) out of him. As the other customer is heading out the door he changes his mind and heads back to look at the shelf again-- I mention some movie or other, and the porn guy announces with enthusiasm, "You guys should watch it together!", and as the other customer goes to the shelves the porn guy leans in-- I can smell the alcohol on his breath rather intensely-- and starts mouthing at me things like "HE WANTS YOU."
Finally, finally I get the money and send Mr. Adventure on his way.
The other guy comes up with another movie he found and says "Actually, I was only staying cause I wanted to make sure you were okay, but this is pretty good so I think I will take it after all." And I thank him and tell him about the wierd foibles of the porn renters, and he shuts the door on his way out. This was all basically harmless, but still, nice of him!
So this customer comes in, stopping short in amazement when he sees the first set of shelves with VHS. He says something about being on a friend's boat that only has a VCR, and he was convinced he wouldn't be able to watch anything. As he's wandering around I tell him there's more in the back room, and he peeks in.
"Ohh, usually if there's a back room, that's just all the.. adult stuff."
"That's upstairs."
"Is it? You got VHS up there too?!"
"I dunno actually. Probably. I haven't really checked."
"Well, I think I'll go have a look! Wanna help? Come on up with me!"
*blink?* "Uh... heh, no that's okay."
"Awww, c'mon! It'll be an adventure!!"
o_0
So he goes upstairs and starts rummaging around, while I'm dealing with other customers. There's an occasional enthusiastic "Wow!!" and "Look at THAT!" and "That's HUGE!!" from upstairs-- presently he's waving some box set case at me and wanting to know "What do you suppose comes in THAT?"
"...I really have no idea."
And then a few minutes later-- "Think fast!"
"Enh?" And I look up to see him aiming a VHS case at my head from the balcony. I have no idea if the damn thing is loaded or not-- I don't know how the VHS is kept up there.
"C'mon! I'm good, I'll send it right to you!" And he flings it, and it comes spinning down still aimed neatly at my head-- only to spin off course at the last second, ricochet off the back of the monitor and leap directly behind the shelves of No Return, into the foot-wide gap between the new release rack and the wall of glass that borders an interior hallway next door. Occasionally the cafe next door calls and complains because unsightly trash has collected back there, and we have to use long sticks or something to try to scrape it out. The VHS porn box lands towards the very back of this space. Laughing uncontrollably, I go and get the stick and crawl under the desk, over the computer, and eventually manage to fish the damn thing out.
By this time the customer has come downstairs with a VHS tape in a clear case-- Deep Throat. This is not the same title as the box he chucked at me, I discover as I try to figure out if I'm supposed to put the tape in the colored box or leave it in the clear unmarked one. Also-- OF COURSE-- he's a new customer and we have to go through the whole rigarmarole of signing him up with an account, with a lot of BS about how he doesn't want to leave his phone number, paranoid about us calling about porn or something... Another customer meanwhile comes up and asks to pay while this is going on, and so I get him taken care of. My phone alarm goes off, informing me that it's 11 and the store is closed. The porn guy has started rambling about having been kicked out by his wife, and Deep Throat being the movie that 'started it all' and something about seeing it when he was a kid... eventually I weasel a phone number (although not a signature) out of him. As the other customer is heading out the door he changes his mind and heads back to look at the shelf again-- I mention some movie or other, and the porn guy announces with enthusiasm, "You guys should watch it together!", and as the other customer goes to the shelves the porn guy leans in-- I can smell the alcohol on his breath rather intensely-- and starts mouthing at me things like "HE WANTS YOU."
Finally, finally I get the money and send Mr. Adventure on his way.
The other guy comes up with another movie he found and says "Actually, I was only staying cause I wanted to make sure you were okay, but this is pretty good so I think I will take it after all." And I thank him and tell him about the wierd foibles of the porn renters, and he shuts the door on his way out. This was all basically harmless, but still, nice of him!