Detailing the next oh-so-many minutes of my life, thoughts included
I just picked up Black & White again recently.
I was terribly disappointed to find the game I spent from 3-5 A.M. early yesterday morning was totally not autosaved and thus all progress was lost. When I loaded up the game again today, I was thoroughly angered, and thus the game is probably completely off-limits to me for a week, as any game that accidentally deletes all of my data from a long day's plugging away at.
You might wonder what this has to do with my day, other than that it occurred.
I just looked away for like 5 minutes right there. I looked for something, Genesis tracks from The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. I don't know why, just always heard the old Genesis was good. I don't know.
I just hit random on my collection of music, but I don't like what pops up at the top. I'm looking for music, but right now I can't seem to listen to anything other than Tool and APC. I know, they're great, but I feel like I've hit a point where my musical tastes are getting lame; even as I enjoy the musical aspect of it, what I hear overall doesn't seem terribly appealing.
By the way, it's Deftones right now. Digital Bath, from the White Pony CD.
Yongbo just woke up from an hour respite, he said something meaningless that I missed entirely.
Back to the main topic. I was going to use Black & White as an escape from my thoughts, but now I'm considering going for a walk outside. The night's cold, but just right for a shirt and my Reebok pully and some slacks. And the iPod obviously, because I can't leave the house and do nothing in particular without it.
Linkin Park now, Pushing Me Away. Yea, lame.
Music lies to me in terms of musical and lyrical content, the pure aesthetics of music and the poetic content of lyrics. Not too much has impressed on both fronts as of late.
I need something to use as an escape tonight, because right now I can't shake the thought that I'm going to blow an opportunity with my latest foray into romantics.
I know, whoever reads this is going to think that Michael is overreacting like he has every time he makes an elaborate post about something like this. I don't know, maybe I will.
I'll shake the thought soon, I'm going to try and spend some time with Samantha tomorrow and do something right, hopefully. As Xandra says, the only thing in my way is myself, since I'm way too lazy for this. It isn't like it was in the past, where I had delusions of grandeur. That past I would think helped me grow as a person, toned down my delusions and forced me back into reality. I have no expectations in any distant future, just the simple desire for connection, if for a short while. No, that isn't an allusion or metaphor to sex, used because I don't want to sound shallow and would rather come off as "deep," whatever that means nowadays, but it is what it is. However that connection comes, I'll take, but I want not to feel like I missed something that was there, however fleeting.
I switched to Deftones for the indefinite future.
I've been reading Nietzsche. Or rather, I've been hearing and discussing Nietzsche in my political theory class. The idea of life apparently is to be the man you'd read about, I guess. To fulfill the full story, tragic or comic it may be, is the key to life. You must create your own plot, surpass the life you're forced to lead and live the life you were meant to live, the life of an intrepid hero in the ebb and flow, the eternal balance of order and chaos of life.
The imperative is to live your life so that each and every minute you would want to occur time and time again, in an infinite regress of lives. If you had to live your life again, you would do it the same way, because that would be the life most aesthetically pleasing, most tragically amazing, most comically endearing, every moment a piece of the grand masterpiece of your life that you would not ever change. A beautiful collage indeed.
If you were to follow that imperative, wouldn't college be the perfect time for it? You have the least amount of inhibitions placed on you than you'll ever have the rest of your life, for the most part. You have the backing of either your parents or your scholarship to pay for your life, for the most of us, and you're free, perhaps for the first time, to decide your every aspect of life. Why wouldn't it be the time to strike at the heart of aesthetic desire, make every minute entirely worth it?
Nietzsche said most of the population wouldn't make the leap to the ubermensch, most of the population being incapable of shedding all metanarrative control over their lives. Some people cling to religion, others to reason, logic, science, ethics, all sorts of ideas that comfort those who subscribe to them, providing them order and truth, a goal or meaning to life. Those who would recognize life as a mere mixture of stories, all kinds of stories interacting with each other, and enjoy the sheer life, so to speak, of life, will be the ubermensch.
I don't know if I can do that. No amount of freedom can be afforded to me, a man (in the biological terminology, not so much in the prototypical masochistic sense that the word usually comes with) ruled by logic, restrictions, a world defined by laws, couldn't surpass that defined world. Austin can, and probably does regularly. He lacks fear, and I think that if life is for living and not for simply getting by, Austin is a success story to some degree.
Heh, I was going to write more on this, but it seems I've run into a block of sorts. Perhaps more in the future, certainly in the year in review. I leave you now to your own devices.
I was terribly disappointed to find the game I spent from 3-5 A.M. early yesterday morning was totally not autosaved and thus all progress was lost. When I loaded up the game again today, I was thoroughly angered, and thus the game is probably completely off-limits to me for a week, as any game that accidentally deletes all of my data from a long day's plugging away at.
You might wonder what this has to do with my day, other than that it occurred.
I just looked away for like 5 minutes right there. I looked for something, Genesis tracks from The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway. I don't know why, just always heard the old Genesis was good. I don't know.
I just hit random on my collection of music, but I don't like what pops up at the top. I'm looking for music, but right now I can't seem to listen to anything other than Tool and APC. I know, they're great, but I feel like I've hit a point where my musical tastes are getting lame; even as I enjoy the musical aspect of it, what I hear overall doesn't seem terribly appealing.
By the way, it's Deftones right now. Digital Bath, from the White Pony CD.
Yongbo just woke up from an hour respite, he said something meaningless that I missed entirely.
Back to the main topic. I was going to use Black & White as an escape from my thoughts, but now I'm considering going for a walk outside. The night's cold, but just right for a shirt and my Reebok pully and some slacks. And the iPod obviously, because I can't leave the house and do nothing in particular without it.
Linkin Park now, Pushing Me Away. Yea, lame.
Music lies to me in terms of musical and lyrical content, the pure aesthetics of music and the poetic content of lyrics. Not too much has impressed on both fronts as of late.
I need something to use as an escape tonight, because right now I can't shake the thought that I'm going to blow an opportunity with my latest foray into romantics.
I know, whoever reads this is going to think that Michael is overreacting like he has every time he makes an elaborate post about something like this. I don't know, maybe I will.
I'll shake the thought soon, I'm going to try and spend some time with Samantha tomorrow and do something right, hopefully. As Xandra says, the only thing in my way is myself, since I'm way too lazy for this. It isn't like it was in the past, where I had delusions of grandeur. That past I would think helped me grow as a person, toned down my delusions and forced me back into reality. I have no expectations in any distant future, just the simple desire for connection, if for a short while. No, that isn't an allusion or metaphor to sex, used because I don't want to sound shallow and would rather come off as "deep," whatever that means nowadays, but it is what it is. However that connection comes, I'll take, but I want not to feel like I missed something that was there, however fleeting.
I switched to Deftones for the indefinite future.
I've been reading Nietzsche. Or rather, I've been hearing and discussing Nietzsche in my political theory class. The idea of life apparently is to be the man you'd read about, I guess. To fulfill the full story, tragic or comic it may be, is the key to life. You must create your own plot, surpass the life you're forced to lead and live the life you were meant to live, the life of an intrepid hero in the ebb and flow, the eternal balance of order and chaos of life.
The imperative is to live your life so that each and every minute you would want to occur time and time again, in an infinite regress of lives. If you had to live your life again, you would do it the same way, because that would be the life most aesthetically pleasing, most tragically amazing, most comically endearing, every moment a piece of the grand masterpiece of your life that you would not ever change. A beautiful collage indeed.
If you were to follow that imperative, wouldn't college be the perfect time for it? You have the least amount of inhibitions placed on you than you'll ever have the rest of your life, for the most part. You have the backing of either your parents or your scholarship to pay for your life, for the most of us, and you're free, perhaps for the first time, to decide your every aspect of life. Why wouldn't it be the time to strike at the heart of aesthetic desire, make every minute entirely worth it?
Nietzsche said most of the population wouldn't make the leap to the ubermensch, most of the population being incapable of shedding all metanarrative control over their lives. Some people cling to religion, others to reason, logic, science, ethics, all sorts of ideas that comfort those who subscribe to them, providing them order and truth, a goal or meaning to life. Those who would recognize life as a mere mixture of stories, all kinds of stories interacting with each other, and enjoy the sheer life, so to speak, of life, will be the ubermensch.
I don't know if I can do that. No amount of freedom can be afforded to me, a man (in the biological terminology, not so much in the prototypical masochistic sense that the word usually comes with) ruled by logic, restrictions, a world defined by laws, couldn't surpass that defined world. Austin can, and probably does regularly. He lacks fear, and I think that if life is for living and not for simply getting by, Austin is a success story to some degree.
Heh, I was going to write more on this, but it seems I've run into a block of sorts. Perhaps more in the future, certainly in the year in review. I leave you now to your own devices.