Fic: Dreams Go On
Author: GMTH
Title: Dreams Go On
Pairing: Remus/Sirius (sort of)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The difference between fantasy and reality is... reality is altogether too real.
Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to other people, and I'm playing with it without their permission.
Warnings: Angst
Notes: Don’t you hate it when you're supposed to be working on one particular fic and another fic demands that you tend to it first? *sigh* Thanks to maeglinyedi for looking this over for me before posting. Originally conceived for the pervy_werewolf "When I think of you, I touch myself" challenge, but far, far overdue.
The first full moon after Sirius died was the hardest Remus had endured for more than a year.
Snape had been away on Order business for most of the month, and by the time he returned it was too late to brew the Wolfsbane Potion. Remus hadn't given the matter any thought, or he might have asked someone else to do it for him. Or tried to do it himself, though in his splintered frame of mind he likely wouldn't have been able to brew anything more potent than aconite-flavored water.
And so he did without. Dumbledore tactfully suggested he retreat to the Shrieking Shack for his transformation, and though the place was rife with memories -- both good and bad -- Remus knew he couldn't handle, he simply sighed and nodded.
It wouldn't have been nearly so bad had Padfoot been there to run with him beneath the swollen yellow moon. But Sirius was gone, and the residents of Hogsmeade looked at each other with round, frightened eyes as the Shack rang with screams for the first time in nearly two decades.
The next morning, he awoke to find Kingsley Shacklebolt wrapping his aching body in a blanket. "Up you get then, Remus," Kingsley rumbled, setting him on his feet. Remus swayed drunkenly, and Kingsley pulled him close with a steadying arm before Apparating them both back to Grimmauld Place.
Remus could feel the threadbare carpet against the soles of his feet as they headed up the stairs, but he wasn't sure if his legs were moving on their own or if Kingsley was dragging him. It wasn't really important, he decided at last, so long as he was saved the embarrassment of being carried up the stairs like a wounded child.
No. The only important thing at the moment was that it felt wrong. The arm wrapped around his waist was too thick, by far. The chiseled muscles flexed across the small of Remus's back, and he wondered how Sirius had come by them. His arm hadn't felt nearly so powerful the month before, as though it were strong enough to snap Remus in half if Sirius decided to flex it.
"You'll want to wash up before going to bed, I think," a deep, slow voice murmured in his ear, and Remus started. Right. Not Sirius. Kingsley.
"No." Remus wasn't sure how he managed to dredge the word up through his chest. "No, I --"
"Trust me, Remus," Kingsley said. "You're a mess. You need cleaning up."
"Do you trust me, Remus?"
Sirius had that look on his face again, the one that made Remus think the words "trust" and "Sirius Black" should never be used in the same sentence, but his cock was so hard and Sirius's mouth looked so inviting Remus knew he couldn't resist. He nodded once, briefly, and Sirius flashed him a wicked grin as he slipped the blindfold over Remus's eyes.
"Good," Kingsley said, and Remus realized he must have nodded for Kingsley, as well. The thought made his insides clench. He hated living in the disjointed world his transformations always created, the one where he walked the line between dreams and reality with one foot on each side. He always feared that one day, he would be unable to find his way back from that world where twilight never faded.
Kingsley steered him into the bathroom, and Remus sat heavily on the closed lid of the toilet while Kingsley busied himself setting a few items on the vanity. "All set, Remus," he said at last, turning on the shower and adjusting the water until the temperature was just right. "You... er... want me to stay with you?"
"I'll stay with you, Moony."
The Shack smelled like blood and wet dog fur, and the warmth of Sirius's body next to his was almost overwhelming. Remus shifted, blinking rapidly in the dull morning sunlight as Sirius brushed away his fringe to press a light kiss to his forehead. It was hot. Why was it so hot? Through half-closed eyes, he swore he saw wisps of steam drifting by, and he wondered vaguely why it didn't hurt to have the sweat boiling off his skin like that.
"Remus?" Kingsley grasped Remus's shoulder and gave him a gentle shake. "Shall I stay?"
Remus shrugged off the Auror's hand and hauled himself to his feet. "No."
"You're sure?" Kingsley peered at Remus through the veil of steam. His dark face was creased with a concerned frown. "You look like you could use some hel--"
"Damn it, Kingsley, I said no!" Remus threw off the mouldering blanket and treated Kingsley to his darkest glare, the effect of which was lost as he staggered sideways and slumped against the wall. Later, he would regret snapping at Kingsley that way, giving voice to the last vestiges of the wolf so recently gone dormant once again, but Kingsley's expression didn't change. If he was angry, he hid it well.
"I'll be right outside, then, if you need anything," he said, and pulled the door shut behind him. Through the steam now curling in thick clouds from the top of the shower curtain, Remus could see his reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. His outline looked hazy through the mist, and for a moment he wondered if his mind was playing another one of its tricks, or if the lines of his body actually had blurred like a partially-erased charcoal sketch.
Charcoal, but for the streaks of red criss-crossing his arms and legs. Remus closed his eyes and turned away.
The hot water stung as it coursed over the gashes. Remus watched dispassionately as the water ran red around the drain, then to lighter and lighter shades of pink. It hurt, but he was used to the pain by now, and it was almost pleasant to realize that this pain, at least, would fade with time. He braced himself against the wall with his forearm and leaned his forehead against a patch of undamaged skin, letting the water cleanse him, and pretending that all of the moisture on his face came from the spray above his head.
"Bad one this month, eh, Moony?"
Sirius climbed into the shower fully clothed and wrapped his arms around Remus, pulling him against his own thinly-muscled chest. Remus nodded against the sodden T-shirt. Sirius's arms tightened around his waist. "I've got you now." The words were nearly lost to the sound of falling water. "Just relax."
The mirror was fogged when he shut the water off. Remus limped to the sink and picked up the towel Kingsley had placed there, nearly knocking over a small jar in the process. The lid clattered to the floor, and the pungent odor of healing ointment tickled Remus's nose. Yeah. He should probably put some of that on. It stank, and it would burn, but the wounds would knit faster and the scars wouldn't be quite so noticeable.
"Let me do that for you, Remus."
It seemed the most natural thing in the world to let Sirius attend to him. Remus leaned back against the cool tile wall and closed his eyes again, his knees trembling as Sirius worked the ointment into his skin. The man's fingers were the best healing magic Remus could imagine. They always had been. Strong and supple, they knew how to find and fix the pain almost better than Remus did himself.
His arms first. One by one, the cuts stopped throbbing, leaving behind only the awareness that the sinews beneath were strained and aching.
Next, his legs. His calf muscles twitched in anticipation of those fingers sweeping over the ticklish spots on the insides of his knees, but Sirius knew his body too well. They found the sore spots on his thighs instead, and kneaded away the knots. "Feels good," he whispered, but Sirius did not answer, and Remus found he was holding his breath as the fingers worked across the sensitive patch where his thighs met his torso.
"Better?"
"Yes. God, yes," Remus said as the fingers curled around his cock, coaxing it to life with dizzying speed. He cracked one eye open, his heart rate accelerating as he glanced at the mirror through the haze of steam and the curtain of eyelashes. Sirius's dark head was centered between his legs, and he screwed his eyes shut again as his cock slid down the warm length of Sirius's tongue.
They never hurried on the mornings after his transformations. Sirius licked his cock slowly, bathing every inch, his clever tongue caressing the underside, worrying the divot just at the base of his glans, and he reached up with one hand to roll a nipple between his fingers. Remus came with a strangled groan, driving his cock forward, and collapsed onto his knees as the last of his strength drained out of him with his seed.
"All right, Remus?"
Panting, Remus managed a nod and leaned in to bestow a grateful kiss. Sirius's mouth tasted of come and his skin smelled like the healing ointment, but there was a bitter taste to his lips, as well. It made Remus's stomach churn. Something was wrong that could only be fixed by slipping his tongue into Sirius's mouth, but the bitter taste nearly overwhelmed him as he did so.
"Remus!" The door rattled on its hinges as something heavy pounded against it. "I said, are you all right?"
Remus opened his eyes and slowly withdrew his tongue from between his fingers. The mirror was no longer foggy, and he was alone. And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he wished he could have stayed in that world of dreams just a few moments longer.
***
P.S. Check out this fabulous drawing of Lucius by ebonyserpent, too. :-)
Title: Dreams Go On
Pairing: Remus/Sirius (sort of)
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The difference between fantasy and reality is... reality is altogether too real.
Disclaimer: Everything here belongs to other people, and I'm playing with it without their permission.
Warnings: Angst
Notes: Don’t you hate it when you're supposed to be working on one particular fic and another fic demands that you tend to it first? *sigh* Thanks to maeglinyedi for looking this over for me before posting. Originally conceived for the pervy_werewolf "When I think of you, I touch myself" challenge, but far, far overdue.
The first full moon after Sirius died was the hardest Remus had endured for more than a year.
Snape had been away on Order business for most of the month, and by the time he returned it was too late to brew the Wolfsbane Potion. Remus hadn't given the matter any thought, or he might have asked someone else to do it for him. Or tried to do it himself, though in his splintered frame of mind he likely wouldn't have been able to brew anything more potent than aconite-flavored water.
And so he did without. Dumbledore tactfully suggested he retreat to the Shrieking Shack for his transformation, and though the place was rife with memories -- both good and bad -- Remus knew he couldn't handle, he simply sighed and nodded.
It wouldn't have been nearly so bad had Padfoot been there to run with him beneath the swollen yellow moon. But Sirius was gone, and the residents of Hogsmeade looked at each other with round, frightened eyes as the Shack rang with screams for the first time in nearly two decades.
The next morning, he awoke to find Kingsley Shacklebolt wrapping his aching body in a blanket. "Up you get then, Remus," Kingsley rumbled, setting him on his feet. Remus swayed drunkenly, and Kingsley pulled him close with a steadying arm before Apparating them both back to Grimmauld Place.
Remus could feel the threadbare carpet against the soles of his feet as they headed up the stairs, but he wasn't sure if his legs were moving on their own or if Kingsley was dragging him. It wasn't really important, he decided at last, so long as he was saved the embarrassment of being carried up the stairs like a wounded child.
No. The only important thing at the moment was that it felt wrong. The arm wrapped around his waist was too thick, by far. The chiseled muscles flexed across the small of Remus's back, and he wondered how Sirius had come by them. His arm hadn't felt nearly so powerful the month before, as though it were strong enough to snap Remus in half if Sirius decided to flex it.
"You'll want to wash up before going to bed, I think," a deep, slow voice murmured in his ear, and Remus started. Right. Not Sirius. Kingsley.
"No." Remus wasn't sure how he managed to dredge the word up through his chest. "No, I --"
"Trust me, Remus," Kingsley said. "You're a mess. You need cleaning up."
"Do you trust me, Remus?"
Sirius had that look on his face again, the one that made Remus think the words "trust" and "Sirius Black" should never be used in the same sentence, but his cock was so hard and Sirius's mouth looked so inviting Remus knew he couldn't resist. He nodded once, briefly, and Sirius flashed him a wicked grin as he slipped the blindfold over Remus's eyes.
"Good," Kingsley said, and Remus realized he must have nodded for Kingsley, as well. The thought made his insides clench. He hated living in the disjointed world his transformations always created, the one where he walked the line between dreams and reality with one foot on each side. He always feared that one day, he would be unable to find his way back from that world where twilight never faded.
Kingsley steered him into the bathroom, and Remus sat heavily on the closed lid of the toilet while Kingsley busied himself setting a few items on the vanity. "All set, Remus," he said at last, turning on the shower and adjusting the water until the temperature was just right. "You... er... want me to stay with you?"
"I'll stay with you, Moony."
The Shack smelled like blood and wet dog fur, and the warmth of Sirius's body next to his was almost overwhelming. Remus shifted, blinking rapidly in the dull morning sunlight as Sirius brushed away his fringe to press a light kiss to his forehead. It was hot. Why was it so hot? Through half-closed eyes, he swore he saw wisps of steam drifting by, and he wondered vaguely why it didn't hurt to have the sweat boiling off his skin like that.
"Remus?" Kingsley grasped Remus's shoulder and gave him a gentle shake. "Shall I stay?"
Remus shrugged off the Auror's hand and hauled himself to his feet. "No."
"You're sure?" Kingsley peered at Remus through the veil of steam. His dark face was creased with a concerned frown. "You look like you could use some hel--"
"Damn it, Kingsley, I said no!" Remus threw off the mouldering blanket and treated Kingsley to his darkest glare, the effect of which was lost as he staggered sideways and slumped against the wall. Later, he would regret snapping at Kingsley that way, giving voice to the last vestiges of the wolf so recently gone dormant once again, but Kingsley's expression didn't change. If he was angry, he hid it well.
"I'll be right outside, then, if you need anything," he said, and pulled the door shut behind him. Through the steam now curling in thick clouds from the top of the shower curtain, Remus could see his reflection in the full-length mirror on the back of the door. His outline looked hazy through the mist, and for a moment he wondered if his mind was playing another one of its tricks, or if the lines of his body actually had blurred like a partially-erased charcoal sketch.
Charcoal, but for the streaks of red criss-crossing his arms and legs. Remus closed his eyes and turned away.
The hot water stung as it coursed over the gashes. Remus watched dispassionately as the water ran red around the drain, then to lighter and lighter shades of pink. It hurt, but he was used to the pain by now, and it was almost pleasant to realize that this pain, at least, would fade with time. He braced himself against the wall with his forearm and leaned his forehead against a patch of undamaged skin, letting the water cleanse him, and pretending that all of the moisture on his face came from the spray above his head.
"Bad one this month, eh, Moony?"
Sirius climbed into the shower fully clothed and wrapped his arms around Remus, pulling him against his own thinly-muscled chest. Remus nodded against the sodden T-shirt. Sirius's arms tightened around his waist. "I've got you now." The words were nearly lost to the sound of falling water. "Just relax."
The mirror was fogged when he shut the water off. Remus limped to the sink and picked up the towel Kingsley had placed there, nearly knocking over a small jar in the process. The lid clattered to the floor, and the pungent odor of healing ointment tickled Remus's nose. Yeah. He should probably put some of that on. It stank, and it would burn, but the wounds would knit faster and the scars wouldn't be quite so noticeable.
"Let me do that for you, Remus."
It seemed the most natural thing in the world to let Sirius attend to him. Remus leaned back against the cool tile wall and closed his eyes again, his knees trembling as Sirius worked the ointment into his skin. The man's fingers were the best healing magic Remus could imagine. They always had been. Strong and supple, they knew how to find and fix the pain almost better than Remus did himself.
His arms first. One by one, the cuts stopped throbbing, leaving behind only the awareness that the sinews beneath were strained and aching.
Next, his legs. His calf muscles twitched in anticipation of those fingers sweeping over the ticklish spots on the insides of his knees, but Sirius knew his body too well. They found the sore spots on his thighs instead, and kneaded away the knots. "Feels good," he whispered, but Sirius did not answer, and Remus found he was holding his breath as the fingers worked across the sensitive patch where his thighs met his torso.
"Better?"
"Yes. God, yes," Remus said as the fingers curled around his cock, coaxing it to life with dizzying speed. He cracked one eye open, his heart rate accelerating as he glanced at the mirror through the haze of steam and the curtain of eyelashes. Sirius's dark head was centered between his legs, and he screwed his eyes shut again as his cock slid down the warm length of Sirius's tongue.
They never hurried on the mornings after his transformations. Sirius licked his cock slowly, bathing every inch, his clever tongue caressing the underside, worrying the divot just at the base of his glans, and he reached up with one hand to roll a nipple between his fingers. Remus came with a strangled groan, driving his cock forward, and collapsed onto his knees as the last of his strength drained out of him with his seed.
"All right, Remus?"
Panting, Remus managed a nod and leaned in to bestow a grateful kiss. Sirius's mouth tasted of come and his skin smelled like the healing ointment, but there was a bitter taste to his lips, as well. It made Remus's stomach churn. Something was wrong that could only be fixed by slipping his tongue into Sirius's mouth, but the bitter taste nearly overwhelmed him as he did so.
"Remus!" The door rattled on its hinges as something heavy pounded against it. "I said, are you all right?"
Remus opened his eyes and slowly withdrew his tongue from between his fingers. The mirror was no longer foggy, and he was alone. And for the first time in as long as he could remember, he wished he could have stayed in that world of dreams just a few moments longer.
***
P.S. Check out this fabulous drawing of Lucius by ebonyserpent, too. :-)