Why I Hate Valentines Day
by Robbie Chambers
1. If I had a girl to give something to(I don't), I would have to spend money (which I also don't have, thank you Uncle Sam) to buy her a nice dinner and a nice gift. I have no problem with this under normal circumstances. The issue I have here is this: If I fail, or even disappoint, specifically on this day, said theoretical woman would most likely be angry with me. Why? My theory is that, when comparing with other women about how much money their men spent on them, theoretical woman comes up short.
2. My heart is not my source of love. It is a slipshod organ which pumps nutrients through my body, and the cessation of this pumping will cause my death. Candy hearts do not represent this organ. They represent the posterior of a woman.
3. If I fail to have a mate on this holiday, I am branded by society, if ever so slightly, as unfit. It is not an active act, but by all the media given this, the talk of how to please your mate on this special day (which is not so special), those without mates are reminded of their lack of such. This is not a good feeling
4. Death. St. Valentine was a Martyr. A bunch of gangsters were killed on Valentine's Day. How many millions of people over the course of human history died on February 14th? And yet we continue to cavort on this day. We are bastards. One day I hope to die on Valentine's day, so all of my friends are reminded of it, and it ruins the day for them.
1. If I had a girl to give something to(I don't), I would have to spend money (which I also don't have, thank you Uncle Sam) to buy her a nice dinner and a nice gift. I have no problem with this under normal circumstances. The issue I have here is this: If I fail, or even disappoint, specifically on this day, said theoretical woman would most likely be angry with me. Why? My theory is that, when comparing with other women about how much money their men spent on them, theoretical woman comes up short.
2. My heart is not my source of love. It is a slipshod organ which pumps nutrients through my body, and the cessation of this pumping will cause my death. Candy hearts do not represent this organ. They represent the posterior of a woman.
3. If I fail to have a mate on this holiday, I am branded by society, if ever so slightly, as unfit. It is not an active act, but by all the media given this, the talk of how to please your mate on this special day (which is not so special), those without mates are reminded of their lack of such. This is not a good feeling
4. Death. St. Valentine was a Martyr. A bunch of gangsters were killed on Valentine's Day. How many millions of people over the course of human history died on February 14th? And yet we continue to cavort on this day. We are bastards. One day I hope to die on Valentine's day, so all of my friends are reminded of it, and it ruins the day for them.