better...
we went out for breakfast this morning, got up at like, 9:30 when christine called me. got bitched at by my mom because friday night, after we finished watching alfie, i was lying down with my head on her stomach. mom looked in and was like "i don't think that's a very good idea...". so then today, she tells me that "that's basically the same thing as sneaking her in here when i'm not home. that's half of the way there. no, three quarters the way there". fucking ridiculous. so i can't bring her over here for movies or anything anymore. i'm so sick of this shit. she doesn't trust me, and even though she's had no right to, she's never trusted me with anything. she thinks that i'll get christine pregnant by osmosis. then she just says it's because she worries about christine. bullshit. take some fucking interest in the woman i love before you go throwing lines like that around. the most she's done is she bought us dinner, and even then she asked no questions or took any real interest in christine. and she wonders why i never brought any girls here to meet her before.
anyway. had a good breakfast, then to the coffee shop, where much chaos ensued between the workers....fat bitch and drunk bitch messing with anna, christine just got thrown into the wolf pit pretty much. then i thought i had to leave and i took off thinking i was late, but i ended up getting to hopkins at 12, not 1 like i was supposed to. my bad. at least i got anna to her house and back before then.
then i got to work from 12-8:30 without a break. christine, anna, laura, alisa(sp? i dunno), and laura's friend mike all came to visit me at hopkins. that definitely made my day. i got to wait on them, and they tipped me well too. left a fake tip on the table and gave me a real tip. bastards. anke let me go early too, so i could take christine home. we went to baskin robbins first and got a yummy cookies+creme milkshake...so good. talked to christine about i dont even remember what, then she went to bed. i'm so exhausted but i'm too lazy to even crawl into bed. i want to start writing. i have an urge to write a movie or a book. my first book which is a quarter done, really has no meaning to me anymore. my passion for it has passed, because i was depressed as fuck when i wrote it. i don't really ever want to read it again. i hope someday, someone finds all my works and publishes them and i get famous after i die. that way it wont go to my head. i see some shit that my friends write, and they get it published, and they brag about it, and i'm just like...fuck...my writing is just so different, not as simple, i mean, i just feel better about the stuff that i write when i see some peoples' writings. i sound so pompous, but oh well. it's one of like, 2 things that i'm confident about, so cram it.
i find it really great that kat, my dear old friend who i didnt talk to for a year or two, found my journal online, then busted on me about one of my really syrupy-sicky-sweet entries about christine. i mean, really ripped me apart about it. and she wasn't even kidding. now she writes the same stuff in her journal and on her profile and whatever. it's just like...i feel so tempted to do the same back but i'm just not a dick like that most of the time. maybe when i'm pissed off i will.
i have to call like, 3 counselors tomorrow, try to set up something by my birthday. remind me what my motivation is again? oh yeah, to be a better, stronger person. god i hate that. do this for yourself, be selfish, people will thank you later. for what?!? for saying, oh, i'm sorry, i have to tend to myself, but i'll be with you in a couple years?!? i hate being fucking selfish, it's not my nature. i've given my sweater and my shirt off my back in one night because people in arizona were cold and i dont get cold. i spend my last dollars so that christine doesnt have to pay for her food. it's little shit, but it means a lot to me, not to be selfish like everybody else in my family. it's not me first. it's you, you, you, you over there, you with the tail, and then maybe me. maybe i just have wires disconnected up there in the ol' noggin. that would explain some stuff.
all i have to say is, i hope it's as beautiful tomorrow as it was the last couple days. or else. thats right god, else! (this is me shaking my fist towards the sky)
i'm off to start another book in the middle of the action
anyway. had a good breakfast, then to the coffee shop, where much chaos ensued between the workers....fat bitch and drunk bitch messing with anna, christine just got thrown into the wolf pit pretty much. then i thought i had to leave and i took off thinking i was late, but i ended up getting to hopkins at 12, not 1 like i was supposed to. my bad. at least i got anna to her house and back before then.
then i got to work from 12-8:30 without a break. christine, anna, laura, alisa(sp? i dunno), and laura's friend mike all came to visit me at hopkins. that definitely made my day. i got to wait on them, and they tipped me well too. left a fake tip on the table and gave me a real tip. bastards. anke let me go early too, so i could take christine home. we went to baskin robbins first and got a yummy cookies+creme milkshake...so good. talked to christine about i dont even remember what, then she went to bed. i'm so exhausted but i'm too lazy to even crawl into bed. i want to start writing. i have an urge to write a movie or a book. my first book which is a quarter done, really has no meaning to me anymore. my passion for it has passed, because i was depressed as fuck when i wrote it. i don't really ever want to read it again. i hope someday, someone finds all my works and publishes them and i get famous after i die. that way it wont go to my head. i see some shit that my friends write, and they get it published, and they brag about it, and i'm just like...fuck...my writing is just so different, not as simple, i mean, i just feel better about the stuff that i write when i see some peoples' writings. i sound so pompous, but oh well. it's one of like, 2 things that i'm confident about, so cram it.
i find it really great that kat, my dear old friend who i didnt talk to for a year or two, found my journal online, then busted on me about one of my really syrupy-sicky-sweet entries about christine. i mean, really ripped me apart about it. and she wasn't even kidding. now she writes the same stuff in her journal and on her profile and whatever. it's just like...i feel so tempted to do the same back but i'm just not a dick like that most of the time. maybe when i'm pissed off i will.
i have to call like, 3 counselors tomorrow, try to set up something by my birthday. remind me what my motivation is again? oh yeah, to be a better, stronger person. god i hate that. do this for yourself, be selfish, people will thank you later. for what?!? for saying, oh, i'm sorry, i have to tend to myself, but i'll be with you in a couple years?!? i hate being fucking selfish, it's not my nature. i've given my sweater and my shirt off my back in one night because people in arizona were cold and i dont get cold. i spend my last dollars so that christine doesnt have to pay for her food. it's little shit, but it means a lot to me, not to be selfish like everybody else in my family. it's not me first. it's you, you, you, you over there, you with the tail, and then maybe me. maybe i just have wires disconnected up there in the ol' noggin. that would explain some stuff.
all i have to say is, i hope it's as beautiful tomorrow as it was the last couple days. or else. thats right god, else! (this is me shaking my fist towards the sky)
i'm off to start another book in the middle of the action