Where have all the mothers gone?
I wrote part of this entry in response to Alicia's recent journal entry and the rest is just more of my thoughts.
Sometimes i wonder if that because i never grew up with a "normal family" if i will ever be able to have a functioning one myself. If somehow because of the lack of motherly contact that i am fucked for life because i never experienced it. I hope i can be an amazing mother someday without neglecting my child. But all i know is neglect from my mother so is it possible that it will carry through me to my children. I don't want to be like that. I don't think i will be like. I think i would love my child no matter what and want to be there because i never had a mom.
Sitting at a table and eating dinner with family is really weird for me. Shopping with a parent or having a parent give me money is also really weird for me. Considering i have bought my own clothes since i was in seventh grade and payed for my lunch at school and any other food since then too (unless i ate at home). There is so much i have missed out on but at the same time i am prepared for living on my own without parental help what so ever. Honestly, i am not really scared about living on my own. It does not really seem much different from what i have always known. I don't know.
I am very thankful for what i have though. I do not ever want to forget what i do have. My family and friends and the time i have spent with them, good or bad. I am a really luckey person because i have people that care about me a lot. Some people are not as fortunate to have that. I love life and what it has to offer most of the time but sometimes i need a reminder about how good i really have it.
"What does not kill you will only make you stronger"