Listening and Waiting
I now realize that I am about to graduate. I can start a good life with a decent career and work my way to success. The one thing that has always bothered me is whom I'm going to share my life with. I guess I shouldn't really worry about that at this point since I'm sure the right woman will come along and I'll know it. I guess I've spent too much time up until this point worrying about being alone. I never really thought about why until now.
It seems that I have always wanted a normal family coming from a broken home. I don't dwell upon it but it's something that I don't want to face again. The problem is I'm not sure if I want to be with anyone anymore after what I've been through...I can see myself living the good life by myself and not having to worry about anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. It's not so bad, well not until it comes to the time to die...I mean really, who wants to die alone. It would be nice to have my kids and my grandkids come over for the holidays, and watch them smile and play.
I guess I'm just not sure where my "love" life is going at the moment. She says she wants to be with me...and I accept that but she doesn't know if she ever wants to get married. Frankly, I want what I want at this point in my life and the woman that I'm with right now has been so flip floppy lately that I am not even sure that I want anything to do with her since she is so undecisive. I'm not sure if it is the fact that she has no goals in life or my inability to tolerate people that don't want the very best for themselves or their kids(future kids). Don't get me wrong, I don't mind making the decisions but I won't do it all the time without being considerate of the other person's thoughts about the situation.
I'm not perfect...and I do seem selfish at times but I always seem to put everyone else's needs before my own and it's the reason for my downfall in the past and I won't let it happen again just to make a doomed relationship work again. I'm happy with who I am now and I have no reason to think otherwise or change to better suit another persons excessive needs and wants in life other than common goals. SO I say this, fuck it, I don't need it...
It seems that I have always wanted a normal family coming from a broken home. I don't dwell upon it but it's something that I don't want to face again. The problem is I'm not sure if I want to be with anyone anymore after what I've been through...I can see myself living the good life by myself and not having to worry about anyone telling me what I can and cannot do. It's not so bad, well not until it comes to the time to die...I mean really, who wants to die alone. It would be nice to have my kids and my grandkids come over for the holidays, and watch them smile and play.
I guess I'm just not sure where my "love" life is going at the moment. She says she wants to be with me...and I accept that but she doesn't know if she ever wants to get married. Frankly, I want what I want at this point in my life and the woman that I'm with right now has been so flip floppy lately that I am not even sure that I want anything to do with her since she is so undecisive. I'm not sure if it is the fact that she has no goals in life or my inability to tolerate people that don't want the very best for themselves or their kids(future kids). Don't get me wrong, I don't mind making the decisions but I won't do it all the time without being considerate of the other person's thoughts about the situation.
I'm not perfect...and I do seem selfish at times but I always seem to put everyone else's needs before my own and it's the reason for my downfall in the past and I won't let it happen again just to make a doomed relationship work again. I'm happy with who I am now and I have no reason to think otherwise or change to better suit another persons excessive needs and wants in life other than common goals. SO I say this, fuck it, I don't need it...