Wow. Life hurts right now.
So Ryan, Cat, and I have all finished moving the majority of the really heavy stuff over to the new place. The only stuff that's left are my clothes, kitchen stuff (dishes and food items), blankets, bathroom stuff, and some odds and ends. All stuff that can be taken over in my car. I'm pretty sore right now and know I'm going to be hurting tomorrow even more so my body's hurting. Tomorrow, my clothes and whatever else I can ferry over will be living in the new stead and with luck I should be able to start getting my room(s) in order. Ryan is still working next week so he and I have to discuss me either driving him to work or him taking the bus back and forth. He leaves on Friday of next week, his mother and brother coming down to help him move, so he'll be in my life until then. It's going to be a tough week trying to get used to the idea of him no longer being there and me being on my own.
On another topic, several weeks ago I got an acute case of phone-itis and started calling and e-mailing old friends and seeing what was going on in their lives. My mom told me a long time ago that people get so busy in their lives that if you want to keep in contact with them you have to make the effort. I went through my address book starting with the A's and moving my way to the Z's (yes I have a few Z's in my book). Some numbers were no longer active others had inactive e-mails, others weren't home. I caught up with a great many of my friends...talking to some I haven't talked to in well over 3 years. It was really interesting to find out where everyone was versus where they've been. Anyone I didn't reach immediately, I made the effort to try to reach and if I couldn't after so many attempts I'd shrug and cross their name out of my book.
When I reached Steve's name at first I tried to call him. The number I had for him wasn't valid anymore. No worry, I tried e-mailing him. My mail bounced back because I happened to contact him the week that the BLC mail re-direct was having issues. I waited a long time, catching up with everyone else. My friend's Angela, Nathan, Wood, Katie, Sarah, Kane (whom I talk to on MSNm all the time but whom I have a faulty number for now), Sean, Dan, Shades, Kumi, Frank, Terra, Snowbunny, my sister Shannon, my grandmother, Ken, Clint and Becky, Jeff, and even Ron and Justine. I got in contact with them all. I tried to IM my friend Shelb (a mutual friend of Steve's) I first got no response. Then a few days ago I tried to IM her again and did so we were doing the catch up thing. Since I had just gotten the job at the Puppet Forge and Steve was the one who got me interested in puppets I asked her for his new number. She supplied it, we continued to chat until she had to go. So I called him. It was 9pm-ish on his side of the world (probably too late) and he asked me to call back the next day, I did, we had a short discussion about life and stuff (He's getting married in 2 weeks, is working at a puppet place now isn't that great?) and he said he had to go again.
Then today I got a cryptic voicemail from him on my phone. He asked me not to contact him anymore. That if we ran into each other at a convention he's be cordial but that otherwise we should not have any contact anymore. Behind the cut is my reply via e-mail to him back.
Hi Steve-
I got your message today. I had switched phone serves so when I had
finally gotten everything set up I was a little confused that I
already had a voicemail message waiting for me and was even more
surprised that it was from you.
I respect your reasons for not wanting to talk to me. You're ready to
embark upon a new life and part of you sees me as your old life. I can
understand that you don't want to jeopardize your new marriage with
our past relationship...
I was hurt though by your decision because I always thought we had a
friendship past our relationship. That we had put those feelings
behind us and stayed friends...
I was hurt because the message you left came from "an ex boyfriend"
and not "a friend," and, believe it or not, I had stopped thinking of
you that way a long time ago which was why I was a little shocked by
your request.
I had called you because I had gotten the puppet gig with The Puppet
Forge and you were the one who introduced me to that world. I wanted
to catch up, see what you were doing, keep tabs on you like I do all
my friends. But I guess my reasons don't matter to you. I guess I
never realized until now that I've always been "the ex girlfriend" in
your mind. That our friendship seemed to have only existed alone in my
own. I suppose that explains the awkwardness and infrequency of it and
why I was always the one who initiated contact. I'm sorry to be so
delusional about such matters and not realize that any friendship we
had had ended a long time ago.
I won't contact you again because I understand and respect your
reasons for not wanting to contact me. Believe it or not, I'm happy
for you to have found the one who completes you in this world. You
really deserve to be happy after everything you've been through. I
hope to run into you on the convention circuit and say "hi" as well as
all of the other formalities that ex's do. I think that's a good place
for you and I to be. Good luck in life and keep chasing your dreams.
You're already catching up to them which shows greatness in you.
Good Bye Steve.
-glych
So needless to say I'm feeling a little hurt all around right now. On the outside because of the moving and on the inside because Steve doesn't want contact with me, Ryan's leaving, and I'm feeling a tad bit isolated from all of my other friends I contacted because none of them live within a day's drive from me.
I'm feeling very alone right now.
-glych
On another topic, several weeks ago I got an acute case of phone-itis and started calling and e-mailing old friends and seeing what was going on in their lives. My mom told me a long time ago that people get so busy in their lives that if you want to keep in contact with them you have to make the effort. I went through my address book starting with the A's and moving my way to the Z's (yes I have a few Z's in my book). Some numbers were no longer active others had inactive e-mails, others weren't home. I caught up with a great many of my friends...talking to some I haven't talked to in well over 3 years. It was really interesting to find out where everyone was versus where they've been. Anyone I didn't reach immediately, I made the effort to try to reach and if I couldn't after so many attempts I'd shrug and cross their name out of my book.
When I reached Steve's name at first I tried to call him. The number I had for him wasn't valid anymore. No worry, I tried e-mailing him. My mail bounced back because I happened to contact him the week that the BLC mail re-direct was having issues. I waited a long time, catching up with everyone else. My friend's Angela, Nathan, Wood, Katie, Sarah, Kane (whom I talk to on MSNm all the time but whom I have a faulty number for now), Sean, Dan, Shades, Kumi, Frank, Terra, Snowbunny, my sister Shannon, my grandmother, Ken, Clint and Becky, Jeff, and even Ron and Justine. I got in contact with them all. I tried to IM my friend Shelb (a mutual friend of Steve's) I first got no response. Then a few days ago I tried to IM her again and did so we were doing the catch up thing. Since I had just gotten the job at the Puppet Forge and Steve was the one who got me interested in puppets I asked her for his new number. She supplied it, we continued to chat until she had to go. So I called him. It was 9pm-ish on his side of the world (probably too late) and he asked me to call back the next day, I did, we had a short discussion about life and stuff (He's getting married in 2 weeks, is working at a puppet place now isn't that great?) and he said he had to go again.
Then today I got a cryptic voicemail from him on my phone. He asked me not to contact him anymore. That if we ran into each other at a convention he's be cordial but that otherwise we should not have any contact anymore. Behind the cut is my reply via e-mail to him back.
Hi Steve-
I got your message today. I had switched phone serves so when I had
finally gotten everything set up I was a little confused that I
already had a voicemail message waiting for me and was even more
surprised that it was from you.
I respect your reasons for not wanting to talk to me. You're ready to
embark upon a new life and part of you sees me as your old life. I can
understand that you don't want to jeopardize your new marriage with
our past relationship...
I was hurt though by your decision because I always thought we had a
friendship past our relationship. That we had put those feelings
behind us and stayed friends...
I was hurt because the message you left came from "an ex boyfriend"
and not "a friend," and, believe it or not, I had stopped thinking of
you that way a long time ago which was why I was a little shocked by
your request.
I had called you because I had gotten the puppet gig with The Puppet
Forge and you were the one who introduced me to that world. I wanted
to catch up, see what you were doing, keep tabs on you like I do all
my friends. But I guess my reasons don't matter to you. I guess I
never realized until now that I've always been "the ex girlfriend" in
your mind. That our friendship seemed to have only existed alone in my
own. I suppose that explains the awkwardness and infrequency of it and
why I was always the one who initiated contact. I'm sorry to be so
delusional about such matters and not realize that any friendship we
had had ended a long time ago.
I won't contact you again because I understand and respect your
reasons for not wanting to contact me. Believe it or not, I'm happy
for you to have found the one who completes you in this world. You
really deserve to be happy after everything you've been through. I
hope to run into you on the convention circuit and say "hi" as well as
all of the other formalities that ex's do. I think that's a good place
for you and I to be. Good luck in life and keep chasing your dreams.
You're already catching up to them which shows greatness in you.
Good Bye Steve.
-glych
So needless to say I'm feeling a little hurt all around right now. On the outside because of the moving and on the inside because Steve doesn't want contact with me, Ryan's leaving, and I'm feeling a tad bit isolated from all of my other friends I contacted because none of them live within a day's drive from me.
I'm feeling very alone right now.
-glych