Venom...
...
The past 3 years have been shitty to me... That's no shock to anyone...
My depression is officially back, and it's not just SAD.
The past 2 weeks ave been especially shitty to me...
The world is too expensive to live in.
School is either full of fucktards who don't work on their homework as hard as they could or full of students who can afford to spend the time because they're not working to pay for food.
I can't pay for food out of the money I earned because that money has gone to pay off medical bills, recovery of my data from the crashed comp, and printing out this shitty midterm...
I think I'm just going to drop off my work in class today, find out the homework, and go to bed.
You know, after I cry for a good long time.
I'm breaking my date with Seamus for tonight.
And the world should leave me alone or you're going to get your head bitten off.
I'm sick of people saying "It'll get better, perk up, you'll power through this." I'm sick of them asking "What's wrong? Why do you look so tired? Why are you so angry?"
I don't know why I'm so sad/angry/tired, okay?
I'm not powering through this.
It hasn't been getting better.
And I can't afford a fucking doctor to talk to to help me with any of it.
Will power is an interesting thing... For the past year and a half, I've been on the verge of sleeping 20+ hours a day, not leaving the house, not eating well at all, not drinking water, or bathing myself... Not because these things are difficult just because I haven't had the emotional motivation to do anything different... Aside from the fact that I've been willing myself to do these things.
I've been willing myself to eat, wash myself, get up when my alarm goes off, do my homework, go to class, cook, clean my apartment, etc. etc. etc...
I don't have the will anymore.
My will is burned up.
What you see before you are the words typed by an empty shell. There is no more will behind these teary, hallowed eyes... only venom...
Anger, fear, depression, sadness, apathy, indifference, and uncaring contempt for all of those around me... That's right, even you.
Do you deserve this from me? Hell no. But I don't fucking care anymore.
If you try to comfort me or console me, remember, I warned you. Whatever reaction you get from me, you've brought upon yourself.
-glych
The past 3 years have been shitty to me... That's no shock to anyone...
My depression is officially back, and it's not just SAD.
The past 2 weeks ave been especially shitty to me...
The world is too expensive to live in.
School is either full of fucktards who don't work on their homework as hard as they could or full of students who can afford to spend the time because they're not working to pay for food.
I can't pay for food out of the money I earned because that money has gone to pay off medical bills, recovery of my data from the crashed comp, and printing out this shitty midterm...
I think I'm just going to drop off my work in class today, find out the homework, and go to bed.
You know, after I cry for a good long time.
I'm breaking my date with Seamus for tonight.
And the world should leave me alone or you're going to get your head bitten off.
I'm sick of people saying "It'll get better, perk up, you'll power through this." I'm sick of them asking "What's wrong? Why do you look so tired? Why are you so angry?"
I don't know why I'm so sad/angry/tired, okay?
I'm not powering through this.
It hasn't been getting better.
And I can't afford a fucking doctor to talk to to help me with any of it.
Will power is an interesting thing... For the past year and a half, I've been on the verge of sleeping 20+ hours a day, not leaving the house, not eating well at all, not drinking water, or bathing myself... Not because these things are difficult just because I haven't had the emotional motivation to do anything different... Aside from the fact that I've been willing myself to do these things.
I've been willing myself to eat, wash myself, get up when my alarm goes off, do my homework, go to class, cook, clean my apartment, etc. etc. etc...
I don't have the will anymore.
My will is burned up.
What you see before you are the words typed by an empty shell. There is no more will behind these teary, hallowed eyes... only venom...
Anger, fear, depression, sadness, apathy, indifference, and uncaring contempt for all of those around me... That's right, even you.
Do you deserve this from me? Hell no. But I don't fucking care anymore.
If you try to comfort me or console me, remember, I warned you. Whatever reaction you get from me, you've brought upon yourself.
-glych