(no subject)
California was much better than I expected it to be. Matt's family immediately accepted me as one of their own, and it was amazing. His brother is basically my new BFF.
It's weird to think that last year, I was at this point in my relationship with Ballsless McGee, and was completely miserable due to the fact that I was giving everything I had and receiving nothing in return and as a result, the entire relationship was crumbling around me. Any mention of commitment, of anything other than the overly sexual and sparsely emotional connection we had, caused him to burrow inside of himself and clam up, and his inability to address any problem revealed a level of cowardice I had never picked up on in the years that I'd known him. Even his behavior in public showed he was not ready to love anyone other than himself. He would never introduce me to other people, unless he was outwardly asked who I was. He would control my movement, guiding me around like he was steering a car. He couldn't even bring himself to end the relationship on his own; his friend had to text me and tell me he wanted to see other people, and it took me an hour of calling to get him to answer the phone and man up.
It's really kind of funny to look back and realize what a fool I was.
But here I am today, having found a new person to share my life and love with, and everything I give, he returns. He takes time every day to show me that he loves me, to let me know that I mean something to him, to prove to me that I'm not just a walking, talking sex toy. He misses me when I'm not around, and pays attention to me when I am. If there's a problem, he goes out of his way to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it, and he works with me and talks with me when things aren't all sunshine and rainbows between us. He comforts me, and does everything in his power to fix whatever is hurting me. Matt takes me for everything I am, the good and the bad, and loves me in spite of all of my flaws. He discusses the current state and the future of our relationship without fear, without hesitation, and assures me every day that he's in this for me, for my love, and not simply to get his rocks off. He's made me as much a part of his life as he is of mine, and has no qualms with telling me or showing me that he loves me, whether we are in public or private; he took the time and effort to take me a thousand miles just so his family could meet the girl he loves. He doesn't treat me like I'm just any average person, but at the same time, he doesn't treat me like I'm separate from the other people in his life. He treats me as an equal, as a lover, a friend, and a confidant. He expects nothing more or less of me than what I can give, and accepts and loves every aspect of me.
It's completely surreal... some days I can't believe that I found such a good man. Some days I wake up and wonder if it's all been a dream.
But every day, I realize how incredibly lucky I am.
It's weird to think that last year, I was at this point in my relationship with Ballsless McGee, and was completely miserable due to the fact that I was giving everything I had and receiving nothing in return and as a result, the entire relationship was crumbling around me. Any mention of commitment, of anything other than the overly sexual and sparsely emotional connection we had, caused him to burrow inside of himself and clam up, and his inability to address any problem revealed a level of cowardice I had never picked up on in the years that I'd known him. Even his behavior in public showed he was not ready to love anyone other than himself. He would never introduce me to other people, unless he was outwardly asked who I was. He would control my movement, guiding me around like he was steering a car. He couldn't even bring himself to end the relationship on his own; his friend had to text me and tell me he wanted to see other people, and it took me an hour of calling to get him to answer the phone and man up.
It's really kind of funny to look back and realize what a fool I was.
But here I am today, having found a new person to share my life and love with, and everything I give, he returns. He takes time every day to show me that he loves me, to let me know that I mean something to him, to prove to me that I'm not just a walking, talking sex toy. He misses me when I'm not around, and pays attention to me when I am. If there's a problem, he goes out of his way to figure out what's wrong and how to fix it, and he works with me and talks with me when things aren't all sunshine and rainbows between us. He comforts me, and does everything in his power to fix whatever is hurting me. Matt takes me for everything I am, the good and the bad, and loves me in spite of all of my flaws. He discusses the current state and the future of our relationship without fear, without hesitation, and assures me every day that he's in this for me, for my love, and not simply to get his rocks off. He's made me as much a part of his life as he is of mine, and has no qualms with telling me or showing me that he loves me, whether we are in public or private; he took the time and effort to take me a thousand miles just so his family could meet the girl he loves. He doesn't treat me like I'm just any average person, but at the same time, he doesn't treat me like I'm separate from the other people in his life. He treats me as an equal, as a lover, a friend, and a confidant. He expects nothing more or less of me than what I can give, and accepts and loves every aspect of me.
It's completely surreal... some days I can't believe that I found such a good man. Some days I wake up and wonder if it's all been a dream.
But every day, I realize how incredibly lucky I am.