holiday from real - part VI
Title: Holiday From Real
Author: gluckspirat
Artist: loverstar
Fandom: CW RPF
Genre: Slash, AU.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following story is fiction and it never happened. I don't know nor own the characters.
Word count: 39,975
Summary: Jared's life finally seems to be on track: he's living with his friend Chad, studying what he loves, and now that he's working for his mother, he can afford both things. Even the introduction of Jensen Ackles to the picture doesn't appear to shake things up much - he's charming and hot and funny, and Jared feels an instant attraction, but it's just another crush on a straight guy and Jared's positive he'll get over it. That is, until Jensen starts flirting back and sending Jared mixed signs - which would be great, really, if it wasn't for the tiny little fact that Jensen's getting married, and that he's chosen Jared's mom's catering business to serve at his wedding.
It's been fourteen months since Jensen's been in this city, and if he must be completely honest with himself, he never thought he would end up missing Austin. Richardson - with Jensen's family and childhood friends, and all of his memories while growing up - he'd understand, but the city he moved to, leaving everything behind, to try to get a job doing something he doesn't even like? Not so much.
Of course, the circumstances now are different. Austin's different. It now holds one of the most important persons in Jensen's life, and the moment he drives past the Welcome to Austin - Est. 1888 - Home of the Panthers sign, his heart starts beating with such ache and longing that it throws Jensen off a little and leaves him out of breath in anticipation.
The city itself looks the same it did the last time he was here. The people are the same, and so are the buildings, the cars, the buzz. Jensen finds it all surprisingly familiar, and he has to stop himself before driving straight to his old house out of pure habit. Instead, he heads the opposite direction and towards the hotel where he has a room booked. All of his possessions - which aren't many, anyway - are still at his parents' house, where he'd sent them after the divorce. He found no reason to bring it all here when he's not even sure he'll be staying. Right now, all he has is a small bag with a few changes of clothes, and, for some reason, his guitar, which he places over the worn out covers of his bed.
The longing in his chest is now stronger than ever, but he has to think rationally. All in its proper time. So he pushes himself to go take a shower, and changes into some jeans and a clean, black shirt. The guitar stares at him from the bed, reproachful, almost teasing. Jensen wants to pick it up and play a bit, but he's scared to do so - he's scared he'll suck, scared of the memories and the feelings it may bring back.
When was the last time you played? We have time now.
Fuck. Jensen closes his eyes and rubs his temples, trying to ease those thoughts away. But of course, it's too late now, and all he sees is Jared's huge, blinding smile, his eyes looking back at him, trusting, and Jensen feels the tears pricking behind his eyelids.
He pushes it all away with a deep breath, then calls room service to order some lunch. He knows that he won't be able to get anything down, not with the way his stomach's turning, but he's trying to do this right. Thinking things through, being sure of what he wants, taking everyone and everything around him into consideration.
So he lets some hours pass. He eats his chicken salad, watches crappy television, and takes his time to unpack his few items of clothing and to fold or hang all of them neatly in the closet. He calls his sister to let her know he got there alright, and makes small talk with her about the weather conditions and if there was much traffic in the way. Mackenzie knows him too well and just goes with it without saying anything, but Jensen can tell she's just waiting for him to go do what he has come to do. He figures everyone in his family is just dying to hear news about the whole deal, with the way Jensen didn't shut up about Jared the entire time he was there.
Finally, when the clock shows it's past four, and when his legs are almost cramped from all the jiggling, Jensen grabs his wallet, phone and keys and leaves the room.
The drive towards Jared's apartment goes faster than what he was hoping, especially because he gets no time to go over his speech again. Jensen hates to be such a perfectionist, but he also knows himself all too well to expect anything more than stuttering and choking in front of Jared if he doesn't show up with something planned and rehearsed - and even then, it'll be a miracle if he does get any of the words out.
Standing in front of Jared's door, his stomach is twisting with nerves and the idea of bolting, giving up the whole idea and leaving Austin that same night crosses his mind - but with just being there, the ache to see Jared, his dogs, to go back to that familiarity they used to have, where they just laid on the sofa and ate junk food with beer, overpowers whatever desire of running away he might have.
He knocks on the door with trembling hands, and the silence that follows does nothing to relax him. Neither does the tall, scruffy-looking guy who opens the door, sporting a beard and a cap placed backwards. He's shirtless and sweaty, and Jensen isn't stupid enough as to not understand what's going on.
"Hey there, can I help you?"
Jensen swallows and looks around, wondering if there's still any way he can get out of this without Jared finding out he was ever there. But he hasn't come all the way here to be a fucking coward again.
"Yeah, actually, I'm looking for Jared. Is he home?"
The guy shows him a friendly smile. "Jared? Jared Padalecki, you mean?"
Yes. Jared, Jared Padalecki, the guy you were probably fucking before I got here. Jensen can't help but roll his eyes, and the guy's smile falters. "Yes. So, is he here?"
"No, he left a few minutes ago," the guy replies, his tone definitely more tense. "He left to his..." he cuts himself off before saying anything else, then frowns down at Jensen. "Who did you say you were, again?"
"Never mind. I'll come back later."
Jensen's already turning to leave when the guy stops him. "He won't be here later," he tells him, and Jensen has had a long fucking day and he just wants to see Jared, so he takes a hand to rub the bridge of his nose, then turns around with his jaw clenched.
"Yeah? Will you two be at your place, then?"
The guy continues to frown until his eyes widen and a smile breaks out in his face. Jensen doesn't even have the strength to be insulted at the fact this guy is laughing at him.
"I think you've got the wrong idea, here," he says. "This is my place. Jared doesn't live here anymore, him and Chad rented a bigger apartment some blocks down."
Relief takes over Jensen and his limbs go a little wobbly. "That's... that's good to hear," he says with a short laugh. "So, you and him are not...?"
"Me and Jared? God, no." The guy laughs and shakes his head. "I don't swing that way, man. We're just friends from college. I'm Zach, by the way."
Jensen shakes his hand. "Jensen."
He watches Zach's face attentively, expecting it to close instantly and lose all signs of friendliness at the mention of his own name alone. He's expecting a oh, so you're Jensen, maybe even a punch. Something remotely close to what Chad's reaction had been back at the bar the day of Chris' concert.
Instead, the guy simply nods, smile firmly in place. "Nice to meet you. I'd, uh, I'd give you Jay's new address, but I... you know. Not that I don't trust you, man, I just..."
And it's only then that Jensen realizes that this kid has no idea of who he is. Jared has never mentioned Jensen to this guy, and instead of being relieved, Jensen feels slightly disappointed.
"No, yeah, it's fine, don't worry about it. I'll just give him a call," Jensen lies. He would like to push this guy to get Jared's address, but he doesn't want to risk coming off as creepy and having the cops called on him or something. "But please, if you do talk to him before I can reach him, would you... could you just not tell him I was here?"
Zach looks a bit surprised but nods anyway. "Sure, man. No problem."
"Great, thanks. Nice meeting you."
"You, too, Jensen."
Zach closes the door and Jensen walks away, hands deep down his pockets and heart racing. He's just met one of Jared's classmates, has just considered the possibility that Jared might have moved on from him, might be seeing someone else. Jared's friend knew nothing about him.
Jensen wants to be let down, but all he can think of is that he pushed Jared to that situation, he forced Jared to keep everything between them a secret, and all the shit Jensen's done that has fucked up Jared's life just keeps on piling up.
Back at his car, Jensen can feel his whole plan falling apart around him. He doesn't know where Jared is, doesn't know where to find him, and doing this thing over the phone is something he just can't do. Besides, he's sure that, after all this time, Jared would never pick up. Jensen knows that, if he were in Jared's place, he would ignore the hell out of himself.
He's not giving up, though, so Jensen heads to the only other place he knows that holds some sort of connection with Jared or that might help him find him. He has driven so many times to that place that, for a second, his mind fools himself into believing he's back at those days in which everything was relatively simple - and yet seemed so complicated already - just picking Jared up after a day of work.
However, when he walks inside Padalecki Delight, Jared's not behind the counter, just as the last time he was there, and Jensen feels his hope slipping between his fingers. The woman, the same one from over a year ago, gives him the same fake smile, only she looks significantly less tired and worn out.
"Hello, sir, how may I help you?"
Jensen's head is pounding, he feels his legs are about to give away, and he just wants to get the hell out of there, maybe go back to his hotel and resume his searching the next morning. Maybe even go to Jared's old apartment and tell this Zach guy the entire story of how he knows Jared and why it is so important to find him.
So he simply shakes his head and says: "Nothing. There's nothing you can do," and he turns around to leave.
"I'm delighted you liked these offers, Ms. Holmes. Feel free to call us if you have any doubts or if you and your fiancee want to revise anything."
Jensen freezes at the sound of that voice, one hand holding the door slightly open. His heart starts pounding out of control as he turns around and sees two women walking through the office door. One of them, young and beautiful, is glowing and holding some papers in her hands. The other, tall and with brown hair, is smiling back with a huge grin that is very much like her son's and that makes Jensen's knees weaken.
The women say their goodbyes, and Jensen holds the door open for the soon-to-be bride. He feels a twinge of regret as he sees her and hopes her fate is better than Danneel's and that she'll marry a decent man. As soon as the girl leaves, Jensen hurries to catch up with the other lady, already heading back towards the kitchen.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Padalecki?"
The woman stops and turns around, and her face is kind and just barely confused. "Hello." She walks over to him and smiles. "I do know you from somewhere, don't I?"
"Yes, yes, I'm Jensen Ackles," Jensen says, his voice slightly wavering. "I wouldn't expect you to remember me, you must have hundreds of clients a year."
Jared's mom is quickly to wave that thought off. "Oh, don't be silly, of course I remember you, Jensen. How is Danneel, by the way?"
Jensen thinks about lying for a second, then realizes it probably wouldn't look too good, considering what he's about to ask. "We, uh. She's fine, but we got a divorce."
"So soon? Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out." She sounds truly sorry and yet not the slightest bit surprised, and Jensen wonders just how obvious it was that he and Danneel weren't the happy couple they pretended to be.
"It was for the best, really," Jensen says.
"And may I ask why are you here? Not getting married again so soon, are you?"
Jensen manages to get out a chuckle at that. "No, not at all. I'm..." he takes a deep breath and looks away from Sharon's eyes, a mixture between blue and green that makes him want to tear up, it's fucking ridiculous. "I'm actually looking for your son, Jared."
The woman's eyes widen. "Jared? I didn't know you two knew each other."
Her words make Jensen's heart sink even deeper, and he wants to beat the shit out of himself for making Jared go through all this alone. He put Jared in a position in which he couldn't even tell his mother about this? Fuck, he's such an asshole.
"We do," Jensen breathes out, his eyes falling close for a few seconds. "We... I know this is going to sound weird and incredibly inappropriate, I just - I went over to Jared's house and he has moved out, and I really need to see him."
Sharon looks like she's starting to understand where Jensen's heading with his words. "Yes, he and Chad moved a year ago or so."
Jensen sighs. "And I suppose you wouldn't tell me where his new apartment is?"
"I'm sorry, Jensen, but I don't think I'm in a position to give out Jared's address to whoever asks it, even if I'm sure you're a very respectable man." Jensen barely holds back a snort. "Why don't you just call him and ask him?"
"Because I'm pretty sure he hates me," Jensen replies, his tired mind providing no filter to what he's saying. "I... I made a huge mistake before leaving Austin, and I really need to find him and apologize."
Sharon is shaking her head before Jensen even finishes talking. "Jensen, I'm sorry, but if Jared has decided he doesn't want to see you anymore, then you and me both must respect his decision."
She raises a hand to stroke his cheek, and that act of kindness alone makes Jensen break down, tears falling freely and his breath leaving him in choked gasps. He must be a pathetic sight right now, and he's pretty sure the woman replacing Jared behind the counter is staring at him, but he couldn't care less. He doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve being here or Jared's mom being so nice to him. Doesn't deserve a chance to apologize to Jared.
"I'm in love with your son," Jensen gets out. He wipes out his tears and forces himself to relax, then looks deep into Sharon Padalecki's eyes. "I'm completely in love with him and I made the mistake of letting him think otherwise. I, I need the chance to say that to him."
Sharon smiles and uses her thumb to wipe away another tear that makes its way down Jensen's cheek, and when Jensen looks closely, he sees her own eyes are watering. "Come on. Let's go into my office and see what we can do."
The atmosphere is calm and relaxed. People are walking around the room, talking quietly to each other, pointing at certain details here and there. There are not many guests, other than a few supporting classmates and family members and friends of the selected few Jared finds himself amongst. His mom isn't there yet, and Jared can only hope she'll be able to leave the shop on time.
He catches Sandy's eye from the other side of the room, her short, dark blue dress contrasting deeply against the white walls behind her, and she smiles nervously at him. He throws back an equally nervous wave, then turns to answer the question of a couple that is discussing something about one of his pictures.
"Dude, this is amazing." Chad approaches him once the pair leaves, one of his hands patting Jared's shoulder and staying there. "Aren't you excited? You don't look excited."
"I feel like I'm going to throw up," Jared says with a shrug, "but other than that, yeah, this is pretty cool," he adds with a small grin.
"Well, I'm proud of you," Chad tells him. "And so is Chris. He just texted me, said he got caught up at practice with Steve, but that he'll break all speed limits to make it. He really wants to be here."
Jared feels his insides warm up at his friend's words, and he squeezes Chad's shoulder in response. Both Chad and Chris have been there for him throughout this entire year, and Jared feels he couldn't be any luckier. And Chris is a great guy - he's perfect for Chad, and he's also an amazing friend to Jared, so Jared definitely wants him there at his exhibition as much as he wants his mom there, who has also helped Jared pull through this, even without knowing it.
Jared's about to pull his phone out to call her, when Chad's hand suddenly tightens around his shoulder painfully. Jared quickly shrugs it off with a grunt of complain.
"Dude, what the hell?"
Chad, however, doesn't answer. His eyes are fixed on a point somewhere to Jared's left, and Jared turns around to see what's keeping Chad's attention.
His heart immediately falls to his feet and his throat closes so abruptly that Jared's pretty sure he starts turning blue. Which is the least important thing here, though, because his eyes are set over a guy walking inside the room. A guy Jared definitely thought he'd never see again.
A pair of green eyes starts searching through the crowd uncertainly, oblivious to the people staring at his jeans in disdain. Jared shrinks a little in his own place and does nothing but stare. Jensen looks good, his hair is a little longer and styled differently, and even though he's thinner, there's a certain glow to him that Jared has seen in him only a very few number of times.
"Dude, what the hell?" Chad echoes from his right, and his tone abruptly shifts. "I'm going to kick his ass."
Jared turns around and grips his friend's arm tightly. "Don't even think about it, man. Don't make a scene here."
"Fine, fine. I'll kick him out and then I'll kick his ass."
But Jared tells Chad to get lost instead, because he can see through the corner of his eyes that Jensen has spotted him and that he's walking in their direction, and Jared doesn't know what the fuck will come out of this, but whatever it shall be, he doesn't think Chad should be there. He didn't have the balls to reject Jensen himself before and walk out of it with dignity, so maybe he'll get a second chance now.
Or maybe he won't do that, because Jensen's standing in front of him with fear in his eyes, which look red and puffy like he's maybe been crying, and still he's smiling at Jared as if he's the best thing he's ever seen in his entire life, and that smile alone is so painfully beautiful that Jared wants to run away so that he won't have to say no to him.
"Hey."
Jensen's voice hasn't changed, although it does sound less confident than it did. Jared's suddenly all too conscious of the fact that he's standing in a suit and tie with a huge picture of Sadie hanging on the wall behind him, and that he hasn't seen Jensen in over a year. He doesn't even know what to do with himself or with the feelings of shame, anger and love that are flowing through his veins.
"What are you... um..."
Jensen waits for a few seconds, then sees Jared can't get any more words out and rubs the back of his neck. The gesture is awfully familiar. Jensen's still the same man Jared fell in love with.
"You, uh, you look good," Jensen offers, motioning with his hand at Jared's clothes.
Jared clears his throat nervously. "Um, thanks. I guess," and when Jensen does nothing but smile and nod, a slight frown appears in Jared's face. "What are you even doing here?"
"I was just passing by through Austin, and I-" Jensen cuts himself off with a shake of his head and a small, bitter smile. He runs a hand down his face and then looks at Jared straight into his eyes. "Me and Danneel got a divorce."
Well, that's a fucking surprise. Jared's silent for some seconds. "I... what?"
"About six months ago," Jensen explains, his eyes clouded by an emotion Jared can't quite make out, but he clings to that subject so that they don't have to talk about anything related to himself.
"Why, though? You guys looked happy."
At this, Jensen raises both eyebrows at him, a clear are you serious? question directed at Jared. "But we weren't. You of all people should know that."
Jared does. He knows how Jensen and Danneel never were the perfect couple they so hardly struggled to make others believe, but he also knows how much Jensen tried to make that image come true, how much he wanted him and Danneel to have a great marriage and be happy together, like they were meant to.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, and he truly means it. Jensen smiles at him gratefully.
"I guess I am, too, in a way. I... I really thought marrying her was doing the right thing. She's an amazing girl, we just... it wasn't meant to happen."
Jared nods and looks around just to have an excuse to not stare into Jensen's eyes. He catches Sandy's gaze from across the room, looking worriedly at Jared like she perfectly knows what's going on, and a few feet away from her, Chad and Chris both staring at them with matching glares. Jared wants to tell them he's fine, that he's strong enough to deal with this without making a stupid mistake, but he's not even sure what being strong means. Maybe it implies taking risks - being brave enough to go down the same road again with hopes that it'll end up differently.
His eyes find Jensen's again. "That still doesn't explain what you're doing here."
"No, I know." Jensen nods and lets out a small sigh. "Listen, I just - I need to tell you this, and I need you to hear me out. I know I don't deserve this and that I don't have the right to demand anything from you. I know I fucked up and ruined whatever chance I had to be with you. But fuck, throughout all my marriage with Dani, all I did was think about you." Jensen takes a deep breath, and one of his hands shyly finds Jared's sleeve just to have something to hold on to. "Every single thing had me wondering what you'd say, how you'd react. I couldn't live with it anymore, it wasn't healthy for any of us."
This is too fucking much. Jared can tell where this is going and he wants to tell Jensen to stop and to shut up, but his heart is hammering wildly in his chest and he's been dreaming of this for so long that he doesn't know how to fight the feeling of happiness that is invading him. He doesn't even know if he wants to fight it.
"I... I wanted to come here straight away - after the divorce, I mean - but I didn't want you to think you were a rebound or that I was still confused. So I spent five months down at my parents' house just, clearing my mind... and still - still, all I did was think about you, and miss you, and I can't get over how stupid I was, and I..." Jensen's voice breaks, and Jared watches the tear that slips from Jensen's eye, who looks around them embarrassed and lets go of Jared's sleeve. "Fuck, I'm making a scene. I'm sorry. I already cried in front of your mom, that was pathetic enough."
Jared's mind is buzzing, and he says the only thing he can muster. "You were with my mom?"
"Yeah," Jensen replies with a half shrug. "I went over to your old place and your friend Zach told me you'd moved out, so I went to the shop and ran into your mother there. I told her everything and she told me where to find you."
It's so much to process that Jared can barely do anything but stare at Jensen and take in how sad he looks. It then dawns on him that Jensen told Jared's mom about what was going on between them - Jared's mom, who helped Jensen with his wedding, and Jensen didn't care and told her anyway.
Jared notices how Jensen's face is getting paler and paler by the second, and he searches his mind for something to do to make everything right, but he comes up with nothing. "I... I don't know what to say."
At this, a small smile finds its way to Jensen's lips, and he nods his head. He looks tired, defeated, and Jared feels like his heart is trying to claw its way out of his chest.
"I just thought - hell, I don't know what the fuck I thought. You once told me I was a selfish dick," Jensen makes a pause to look around, his eyes meeting Jared's friends' and running over Jared's pictures hanging from the walls. "And clearly, I still am. I'm sorry, I don't know why I showed up here like this, you're obviously... fine."
Jared frowns, and he wants nothing but to take that sad look off Jensen's face. "Fine?"
Finally making up his mind, Jared reaches out to take Jensen's hand in his, and he starts pulling him to the end of the room. He can feel everyone's eyes on them, even those of people he doesn't even know, but Jared can't think of anything outside the warmth of Jensen's shaking hand wrapped around his, and the pounding of his own heart in his ears.
They reach another small room, almost empty except for a girl who leaves the moment they both walk in. The walls are also white and intimidating, but from one of them hangs the biggest picture in the whole exhibition, black and white, and beautiful. Jared stares at it as if he hadn't seen it before, as if he hadn't lived the moment already. Jensen's fingers close tighter around his.
The photo displays Jensen sitting over a crappy sofa that has lived too many nights under the weight of lazy asses watching TV and playing video games - Jared's sofa - with Harley standing by his legs. There's a gorgeous smile on Jensen's face, shy and happy, one of his hands patting the dog's head. Next to the photo, a small sign reads "FEATURED: Other Side, by Jared Padalecki. Arts Student, 4th year."
When the silence gets too much to bear, Jared looks at Jensen. He's staring at the picture in awe, his cheeks flushed and his eyes wide. "I can't..."
Jared closes his hand tighter around his and takes a deep breath. "This? One of the best moments of my life." Jensen looks away from the photo and meets Jared's eyes, a barely concealed flicker of hope in his expression. "You're... the best fucking thing that's happened to me, Jensen, and... you're also the worst. You came into my life and made everything so great just so you could take it away from me, and-"
"Jared-"
"No," Jared cuts him off. "You have no fucking clue how long it took me to at least be able to pretend I was over you. So no, I'm not fine. I'm not even close to being fine." He can feel Jensen try to drop Jared's hand, so he pulls him closer. "I... I miss you like hell, even if I shouldn't."
Jared's vision is blurry, but he can still see how Jensen closes his own eyes and runs a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry. Fuck, Jay, I truly am. And I know it doesn't mean much, but if I could go back and do things differently..." he trails off. His voice is unsteady and his free hand is shaking at his side, but he looks determined. "The circumstances are different now. I've grown up. Those months I spent with my family, those months with Danneel, away from you..." Jensen looks at him deeply and Jared feels like he's going to die, and yet it's such a great feeling that he never wants it to go away. "I love you. I am so fucking in love with you, and we were so good together, Jay. Now... we could be amazing together. And I know I don't deserve another chance, but I-"
Jared follows the tug of his heart and leans down to press his lips against Jensen's in a short, chaste kiss that sends electricity down to his toes and makes his brain a little dizzy. When he pulls back, they're both crying and Jared can't fight off the grin at the thought of how ridiculous they must look, at how fucking happy he is.
"Jared-"
"No, shut up," he cuts him off, his hand gripping the back of Jensen's neck. "Just shut up," he repeats.
Jensen smiles, beautifully and freely, and he wraps both arms around Jared's waist, then brings their mouths together again. Jared can taste Jensen's tears, can feel Jensen's heartbeat against his own, and all he can do is pull Jensen closer to him, because he knows that, no matter what happens from now on in their lives, he knows that right here is where they both belong.
The music is warm and soothing. It crawls under Jared's skin and loosens up every muscle - it makes his breathing slow down and his eyes fall shut, and at the same time gives him goosebumps despite the familiarity of the notes and the tender voice. He's already slipping into a slight doze when the guitar strumming suddenly stops.
"Don't fall asleep on me, that's rude."
Jared cracks one eye open and grins up at Jensen. "It's not my fault. Your music always does this to me."
Faking offense, Jensen puts the guitar over its stand next to the bed and then scoots down to place his head over the pillow next to Jared's. "Fucker, are you saying my music's boring?"
"Hey, those are your words, not mine," Jared says, though he still leans forwards to kiss Jensen and murmur against his lips, "you know I love your music." And Jensen does know it, for Jared tells him practically every single time he hears Jensen play. But he doesn't get tired of saying it, and he's pretty sure Jensen doesn't get tired of hearing it.
"I talked to Chris," Jensen tells him. "They're playing next Friday at that new bar down the street. I think it's a big deal, so we should probably be there."
"It is a big deal, didn't The Dead play there last weekend?" Jared reaches out and takes one of Jensen's hands in his to play with his fingers. "You do know this is all part of his plan to get you up there to play with him, right?"
Jensen smiles, his eyes crinkling. "Yeah. We'll see."
They spend the next few minutes in silence, until Jared shifts to lay his head over Jensen's stomach. It's an awkward position and his legs are hanging out of the side of the bed, but Jensen isn't usually cuddly unless it's after sex, so Jared's planning to take as much as he can while it lasts.
"Your mom called again."
"Oh, fuck. What did she say? Same as always?"
"Yep," Jensen grins and uses one hand to push Jared's hair off his forehead. "Except this time she ranted for about ten minutes about how we shouldn't serve fish because it gives guests bad breath and that puts them off from kissing and, therefore, from dancing."
Jared snorts. "Yeah, let's take that advice. Not serve imaginary fish at our imaginary wedding."
"I think our imaginary guests will appreciate that." Jensen grins. He starts playing with the silver band around his ring finger and looks down at Jared. "In her defense, the whole ring deal might have confused her."
"Your fault entirely."
"Dick. You were begging for any sign of commitment."
Jared smacks Jensen's stomach. "I meant something like an apartment, not a fucking ring."
"Well, you got the apartment and the ring, so shut up."
Jared chuckles and turns around. He places both of his hands over Jensen's chest and then lays his chin over them. Jensen's eyes are set on his, and he knows Jensen's reading all of his thoughts right now, but Jared feels the need to say it anyway. "I'm happy about the ring, you know."
Jensen smiles. "I know you're happy, you dork. And I also know you're scared shitless of weddings, which I respect. I might be scared of them, too, now."
Jared pushes himself forward and kisses Jensen slowly, their hands unconsciously finding each other and their fingers twinning. Jared pulls back regretfully and with a low hum, and buries his face in Jensen's neck.
"We should go take a shower and get dressed," he mumbles against soft skin. "Not that I don't like seeing you play guitar naked, but I'm not sure your parents would appreciate that."
Jensen snorts. "I'm thinking not."
Jared presses one final kiss to Jensen's mouth, then stands up and starts heading to the bathroom. Jensen stays for some seconds longer, stretching out his body pleasantly, until Jared pokes his head back inside the room, the sound of the shower coming from behind him.
"If you don't hurry up, I'm gonna bring my camera in here."
Jensen raises one lazy eyebrow at him. "Is that supposed to be a threat, Padalecki?" he shoots back, regretting it instantly when a smirk forms in Jared's lips.
"You've just given me consent to publish naked pictures of you."
"I did not!" Jensen complains, his entire body flushing.
"Get your white ass in here, then, or your dick will be this month's featured photo."
"Shut up," Jensen grumbles, and then adds to himself, "and my ass isn't white."
He can hear Jared laughing from inside the bathroom. "Don't worry, I love it just that way."
Jensen can't fight the grin off his face as he gets up and goes to join Jared in the shower.
Masterpost | Previous | Extra & Deleted Scenes
Author: gluckspirat
Artist: loverstar
Fandom: CW RPF
Genre: Slash, AU.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following story is fiction and it never happened. I don't know nor own the characters.
Word count: 39,975
Summary: Jared's life finally seems to be on track: he's living with his friend Chad, studying what he loves, and now that he's working for his mother, he can afford both things. Even the introduction of Jensen Ackles to the picture doesn't appear to shake things up much - he's charming and hot and funny, and Jared feels an instant attraction, but it's just another crush on a straight guy and Jared's positive he'll get over it. That is, until Jensen starts flirting back and sending Jared mixed signs - which would be great, really, if it wasn't for the tiny little fact that Jensen's getting married, and that he's chosen Jared's mom's catering business to serve at his wedding.
It's been fourteen months since Jensen's been in this city, and if he must be completely honest with himself, he never thought he would end up missing Austin. Richardson - with Jensen's family and childhood friends, and all of his memories while growing up - he'd understand, but the city he moved to, leaving everything behind, to try to get a job doing something he doesn't even like? Not so much.
Of course, the circumstances now are different. Austin's different. It now holds one of the most important persons in Jensen's life, and the moment he drives past the Welcome to Austin - Est. 1888 - Home of the Panthers sign, his heart starts beating with such ache and longing that it throws Jensen off a little and leaves him out of breath in anticipation.
The city itself looks the same it did the last time he was here. The people are the same, and so are the buildings, the cars, the buzz. Jensen finds it all surprisingly familiar, and he has to stop himself before driving straight to his old house out of pure habit. Instead, he heads the opposite direction and towards the hotel where he has a room booked. All of his possessions - which aren't many, anyway - are still at his parents' house, where he'd sent them after the divorce. He found no reason to bring it all here when he's not even sure he'll be staying. Right now, all he has is a small bag with a few changes of clothes, and, for some reason, his guitar, which he places over the worn out covers of his bed.
The longing in his chest is now stronger than ever, but he has to think rationally. All in its proper time. So he pushes himself to go take a shower, and changes into some jeans and a clean, black shirt. The guitar stares at him from the bed, reproachful, almost teasing. Jensen wants to pick it up and play a bit, but he's scared to do so - he's scared he'll suck, scared of the memories and the feelings it may bring back.
When was the last time you played? We have time now.
Fuck. Jensen closes his eyes and rubs his temples, trying to ease those thoughts away. But of course, it's too late now, and all he sees is Jared's huge, blinding smile, his eyes looking back at him, trusting, and Jensen feels the tears pricking behind his eyelids.
He pushes it all away with a deep breath, then calls room service to order some lunch. He knows that he won't be able to get anything down, not with the way his stomach's turning, but he's trying to do this right. Thinking things through, being sure of what he wants, taking everyone and everything around him into consideration.
So he lets some hours pass. He eats his chicken salad, watches crappy television, and takes his time to unpack his few items of clothing and to fold or hang all of them neatly in the closet. He calls his sister to let her know he got there alright, and makes small talk with her about the weather conditions and if there was much traffic in the way. Mackenzie knows him too well and just goes with it without saying anything, but Jensen can tell she's just waiting for him to go do what he has come to do. He figures everyone in his family is just dying to hear news about the whole deal, with the way Jensen didn't shut up about Jared the entire time he was there.
Finally, when the clock shows it's past four, and when his legs are almost cramped from all the jiggling, Jensen grabs his wallet, phone and keys and leaves the room.
The drive towards Jared's apartment goes faster than what he was hoping, especially because he gets no time to go over his speech again. Jensen hates to be such a perfectionist, but he also knows himself all too well to expect anything more than stuttering and choking in front of Jared if he doesn't show up with something planned and rehearsed - and even then, it'll be a miracle if he does get any of the words out.
Standing in front of Jared's door, his stomach is twisting with nerves and the idea of bolting, giving up the whole idea and leaving Austin that same night crosses his mind - but with just being there, the ache to see Jared, his dogs, to go back to that familiarity they used to have, where they just laid on the sofa and ate junk food with beer, overpowers whatever desire of running away he might have.
He knocks on the door with trembling hands, and the silence that follows does nothing to relax him. Neither does the tall, scruffy-looking guy who opens the door, sporting a beard and a cap placed backwards. He's shirtless and sweaty, and Jensen isn't stupid enough as to not understand what's going on.
"Hey there, can I help you?"
Jensen swallows and looks around, wondering if there's still any way he can get out of this without Jared finding out he was ever there. But he hasn't come all the way here to be a fucking coward again.
"Yeah, actually, I'm looking for Jared. Is he home?"
The guy shows him a friendly smile. "Jared? Jared Padalecki, you mean?"
Yes. Jared, Jared Padalecki, the guy you were probably fucking before I got here. Jensen can't help but roll his eyes, and the guy's smile falters. "Yes. So, is he here?"
"No, he left a few minutes ago," the guy replies, his tone definitely more tense. "He left to his..." he cuts himself off before saying anything else, then frowns down at Jensen. "Who did you say you were, again?"
"Never mind. I'll come back later."
Jensen's already turning to leave when the guy stops him. "He won't be here later," he tells him, and Jensen has had a long fucking day and he just wants to see Jared, so he takes a hand to rub the bridge of his nose, then turns around with his jaw clenched.
"Yeah? Will you two be at your place, then?"
The guy continues to frown until his eyes widen and a smile breaks out in his face. Jensen doesn't even have the strength to be insulted at the fact this guy is laughing at him.
"I think you've got the wrong idea, here," he says. "This is my place. Jared doesn't live here anymore, him and Chad rented a bigger apartment some blocks down."
Relief takes over Jensen and his limbs go a little wobbly. "That's... that's good to hear," he says with a short laugh. "So, you and him are not...?"
"Me and Jared? God, no." The guy laughs and shakes his head. "I don't swing that way, man. We're just friends from college. I'm Zach, by the way."
Jensen shakes his hand. "Jensen."
He watches Zach's face attentively, expecting it to close instantly and lose all signs of friendliness at the mention of his own name alone. He's expecting a oh, so you're Jensen, maybe even a punch. Something remotely close to what Chad's reaction had been back at the bar the day of Chris' concert.
Instead, the guy simply nods, smile firmly in place. "Nice to meet you. I'd, uh, I'd give you Jay's new address, but I... you know. Not that I don't trust you, man, I just..."
And it's only then that Jensen realizes that this kid has no idea of who he is. Jared has never mentioned Jensen to this guy, and instead of being relieved, Jensen feels slightly disappointed.
"No, yeah, it's fine, don't worry about it. I'll just give him a call," Jensen lies. He would like to push this guy to get Jared's address, but he doesn't want to risk coming off as creepy and having the cops called on him or something. "But please, if you do talk to him before I can reach him, would you... could you just not tell him I was here?"
Zach looks a bit surprised but nods anyway. "Sure, man. No problem."
"Great, thanks. Nice meeting you."
"You, too, Jensen."
Zach closes the door and Jensen walks away, hands deep down his pockets and heart racing. He's just met one of Jared's classmates, has just considered the possibility that Jared might have moved on from him, might be seeing someone else. Jared's friend knew nothing about him.
Jensen wants to be let down, but all he can think of is that he pushed Jared to that situation, he forced Jared to keep everything between them a secret, and all the shit Jensen's done that has fucked up Jared's life just keeps on piling up.
Back at his car, Jensen can feel his whole plan falling apart around him. He doesn't know where Jared is, doesn't know where to find him, and doing this thing over the phone is something he just can't do. Besides, he's sure that, after all this time, Jared would never pick up. Jensen knows that, if he were in Jared's place, he would ignore the hell out of himself.
He's not giving up, though, so Jensen heads to the only other place he knows that holds some sort of connection with Jared or that might help him find him. He has driven so many times to that place that, for a second, his mind fools himself into believing he's back at those days in which everything was relatively simple - and yet seemed so complicated already - just picking Jared up after a day of work.
However, when he walks inside Padalecki Delight, Jared's not behind the counter, just as the last time he was there, and Jensen feels his hope slipping between his fingers. The woman, the same one from over a year ago, gives him the same fake smile, only she looks significantly less tired and worn out.
"Hello, sir, how may I help you?"
Jensen's head is pounding, he feels his legs are about to give away, and he just wants to get the hell out of there, maybe go back to his hotel and resume his searching the next morning. Maybe even go to Jared's old apartment and tell this Zach guy the entire story of how he knows Jared and why it is so important to find him.
So he simply shakes his head and says: "Nothing. There's nothing you can do," and he turns around to leave.
"I'm delighted you liked these offers, Ms. Holmes. Feel free to call us if you have any doubts or if you and your fiancee want to revise anything."
Jensen freezes at the sound of that voice, one hand holding the door slightly open. His heart starts pounding out of control as he turns around and sees two women walking through the office door. One of them, young and beautiful, is glowing and holding some papers in her hands. The other, tall and with brown hair, is smiling back with a huge grin that is very much like her son's and that makes Jensen's knees weaken.
The women say their goodbyes, and Jensen holds the door open for the soon-to-be bride. He feels a twinge of regret as he sees her and hopes her fate is better than Danneel's and that she'll marry a decent man. As soon as the girl leaves, Jensen hurries to catch up with the other lady, already heading back towards the kitchen.
"Excuse me, Mrs. Padalecki?"
The woman stops and turns around, and her face is kind and just barely confused. "Hello." She walks over to him and smiles. "I do know you from somewhere, don't I?"
"Yes, yes, I'm Jensen Ackles," Jensen says, his voice slightly wavering. "I wouldn't expect you to remember me, you must have hundreds of clients a year."
Jared's mom is quickly to wave that thought off. "Oh, don't be silly, of course I remember you, Jensen. How is Danneel, by the way?"
Jensen thinks about lying for a second, then realizes it probably wouldn't look too good, considering what he's about to ask. "We, uh. She's fine, but we got a divorce."
"So soon? Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out." She sounds truly sorry and yet not the slightest bit surprised, and Jensen wonders just how obvious it was that he and Danneel weren't the happy couple they pretended to be.
"It was for the best, really," Jensen says.
"And may I ask why are you here? Not getting married again so soon, are you?"
Jensen manages to get out a chuckle at that. "No, not at all. I'm..." he takes a deep breath and looks away from Sharon's eyes, a mixture between blue and green that makes him want to tear up, it's fucking ridiculous. "I'm actually looking for your son, Jared."
The woman's eyes widen. "Jared? I didn't know you two knew each other."
Her words make Jensen's heart sink even deeper, and he wants to beat the shit out of himself for making Jared go through all this alone. He put Jared in a position in which he couldn't even tell his mother about this? Fuck, he's such an asshole.
"We do," Jensen breathes out, his eyes falling close for a few seconds. "We... I know this is going to sound weird and incredibly inappropriate, I just - I went over to Jared's house and he has moved out, and I really need to see him."
Sharon looks like she's starting to understand where Jensen's heading with his words. "Yes, he and Chad moved a year ago or so."
Jensen sighs. "And I suppose you wouldn't tell me where his new apartment is?"
"I'm sorry, Jensen, but I don't think I'm in a position to give out Jared's address to whoever asks it, even if I'm sure you're a very respectable man." Jensen barely holds back a snort. "Why don't you just call him and ask him?"
"Because I'm pretty sure he hates me," Jensen replies, his tired mind providing no filter to what he's saying. "I... I made a huge mistake before leaving Austin, and I really need to find him and apologize."
Sharon is shaking her head before Jensen even finishes talking. "Jensen, I'm sorry, but if Jared has decided he doesn't want to see you anymore, then you and me both must respect his decision."
She raises a hand to stroke his cheek, and that act of kindness alone makes Jensen break down, tears falling freely and his breath leaving him in choked gasps. He must be a pathetic sight right now, and he's pretty sure the woman replacing Jared behind the counter is staring at him, but he couldn't care less. He doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve being here or Jared's mom being so nice to him. Doesn't deserve a chance to apologize to Jared.
"I'm in love with your son," Jensen gets out. He wipes out his tears and forces himself to relax, then looks deep into Sharon Padalecki's eyes. "I'm completely in love with him and I made the mistake of letting him think otherwise. I, I need the chance to say that to him."
Sharon smiles and uses her thumb to wipe away another tear that makes its way down Jensen's cheek, and when Jensen looks closely, he sees her own eyes are watering. "Come on. Let's go into my office and see what we can do."
The atmosphere is calm and relaxed. People are walking around the room, talking quietly to each other, pointing at certain details here and there. There are not many guests, other than a few supporting classmates and family members and friends of the selected few Jared finds himself amongst. His mom isn't there yet, and Jared can only hope she'll be able to leave the shop on time.
He catches Sandy's eye from the other side of the room, her short, dark blue dress contrasting deeply against the white walls behind her, and she smiles nervously at him. He throws back an equally nervous wave, then turns to answer the question of a couple that is discussing something about one of his pictures.
"Dude, this is amazing." Chad approaches him once the pair leaves, one of his hands patting Jared's shoulder and staying there. "Aren't you excited? You don't look excited."
"I feel like I'm going to throw up," Jared says with a shrug, "but other than that, yeah, this is pretty cool," he adds with a small grin.
"Well, I'm proud of you," Chad tells him. "And so is Chris. He just texted me, said he got caught up at practice with Steve, but that he'll break all speed limits to make it. He really wants to be here."
Jared feels his insides warm up at his friend's words, and he squeezes Chad's shoulder in response. Both Chad and Chris have been there for him throughout this entire year, and Jared feels he couldn't be any luckier. And Chris is a great guy - he's perfect for Chad, and he's also an amazing friend to Jared, so Jared definitely wants him there at his exhibition as much as he wants his mom there, who has also helped Jared pull through this, even without knowing it.
Jared's about to pull his phone out to call her, when Chad's hand suddenly tightens around his shoulder painfully. Jared quickly shrugs it off with a grunt of complain.
"Dude, what the hell?"
Chad, however, doesn't answer. His eyes are fixed on a point somewhere to Jared's left, and Jared turns around to see what's keeping Chad's attention.
His heart immediately falls to his feet and his throat closes so abruptly that Jared's pretty sure he starts turning blue. Which is the least important thing here, though, because his eyes are set over a guy walking inside the room. A guy Jared definitely thought he'd never see again.
A pair of green eyes starts searching through the crowd uncertainly, oblivious to the people staring at his jeans in disdain. Jared shrinks a little in his own place and does nothing but stare. Jensen looks good, his hair is a little longer and styled differently, and even though he's thinner, there's a certain glow to him that Jared has seen in him only a very few number of times.
"Dude, what the hell?" Chad echoes from his right, and his tone abruptly shifts. "I'm going to kick his ass."
Jared turns around and grips his friend's arm tightly. "Don't even think about it, man. Don't make a scene here."
"Fine, fine. I'll kick him out and then I'll kick his ass."
But Jared tells Chad to get lost instead, because he can see through the corner of his eyes that Jensen has spotted him and that he's walking in their direction, and Jared doesn't know what the fuck will come out of this, but whatever it shall be, he doesn't think Chad should be there. He didn't have the balls to reject Jensen himself before and walk out of it with dignity, so maybe he'll get a second chance now.
Or maybe he won't do that, because Jensen's standing in front of him with fear in his eyes, which look red and puffy like he's maybe been crying, and still he's smiling at Jared as if he's the best thing he's ever seen in his entire life, and that smile alone is so painfully beautiful that Jared wants to run away so that he won't have to say no to him.
"Hey."
Jensen's voice hasn't changed, although it does sound less confident than it did. Jared's suddenly all too conscious of the fact that he's standing in a suit and tie with a huge picture of Sadie hanging on the wall behind him, and that he hasn't seen Jensen in over a year. He doesn't even know what to do with himself or with the feelings of shame, anger and love that are flowing through his veins.
"What are you... um..."
Jensen waits for a few seconds, then sees Jared can't get any more words out and rubs the back of his neck. The gesture is awfully familiar. Jensen's still the same man Jared fell in love with.
"You, uh, you look good," Jensen offers, motioning with his hand at Jared's clothes.
Jared clears his throat nervously. "Um, thanks. I guess," and when Jensen does nothing but smile and nod, a slight frown appears in Jared's face. "What are you even doing here?"
"I was just passing by through Austin, and I-" Jensen cuts himself off with a shake of his head and a small, bitter smile. He runs a hand down his face and then looks at Jared straight into his eyes. "Me and Danneel got a divorce."
Well, that's a fucking surprise. Jared's silent for some seconds. "I... what?"
"About six months ago," Jensen explains, his eyes clouded by an emotion Jared can't quite make out, but he clings to that subject so that they don't have to talk about anything related to himself.
"Why, though? You guys looked happy."
At this, Jensen raises both eyebrows at him, a clear are you serious? question directed at Jared. "But we weren't. You of all people should know that."
Jared does. He knows how Jensen and Danneel never were the perfect couple they so hardly struggled to make others believe, but he also knows how much Jensen tried to make that image come true, how much he wanted him and Danneel to have a great marriage and be happy together, like they were meant to.
"I'm sorry," Jared says, and he truly means it. Jensen smiles at him gratefully.
"I guess I am, too, in a way. I... I really thought marrying her was doing the right thing. She's an amazing girl, we just... it wasn't meant to happen."
Jared nods and looks around just to have an excuse to not stare into Jensen's eyes. He catches Sandy's gaze from across the room, looking worriedly at Jared like she perfectly knows what's going on, and a few feet away from her, Chad and Chris both staring at them with matching glares. Jared wants to tell them he's fine, that he's strong enough to deal with this without making a stupid mistake, but he's not even sure what being strong means. Maybe it implies taking risks - being brave enough to go down the same road again with hopes that it'll end up differently.
His eyes find Jensen's again. "That still doesn't explain what you're doing here."
"No, I know." Jensen nods and lets out a small sigh. "Listen, I just - I need to tell you this, and I need you to hear me out. I know I don't deserve this and that I don't have the right to demand anything from you. I know I fucked up and ruined whatever chance I had to be with you. But fuck, throughout all my marriage with Dani, all I did was think about you." Jensen takes a deep breath, and one of his hands shyly finds Jared's sleeve just to have something to hold on to. "Every single thing had me wondering what you'd say, how you'd react. I couldn't live with it anymore, it wasn't healthy for any of us."
This is too fucking much. Jared can tell where this is going and he wants to tell Jensen to stop and to shut up, but his heart is hammering wildly in his chest and he's been dreaming of this for so long that he doesn't know how to fight the feeling of happiness that is invading him. He doesn't even know if he wants to fight it.
"I... I wanted to come here straight away - after the divorce, I mean - but I didn't want you to think you were a rebound or that I was still confused. So I spent five months down at my parents' house just, clearing my mind... and still - still, all I did was think about you, and miss you, and I can't get over how stupid I was, and I..." Jensen's voice breaks, and Jared watches the tear that slips from Jensen's eye, who looks around them embarrassed and lets go of Jared's sleeve. "Fuck, I'm making a scene. I'm sorry. I already cried in front of your mom, that was pathetic enough."
Jared's mind is buzzing, and he says the only thing he can muster. "You were with my mom?"
"Yeah," Jensen replies with a half shrug. "I went over to your old place and your friend Zach told me you'd moved out, so I went to the shop and ran into your mother there. I told her everything and she told me where to find you."
It's so much to process that Jared can barely do anything but stare at Jensen and take in how sad he looks. It then dawns on him that Jensen told Jared's mom about what was going on between them - Jared's mom, who helped Jensen with his wedding, and Jensen didn't care and told her anyway.
Jared notices how Jensen's face is getting paler and paler by the second, and he searches his mind for something to do to make everything right, but he comes up with nothing. "I... I don't know what to say."
At this, a small smile finds its way to Jensen's lips, and he nods his head. He looks tired, defeated, and Jared feels like his heart is trying to claw its way out of his chest.
"I just thought - hell, I don't know what the fuck I thought. You once told me I was a selfish dick," Jensen makes a pause to look around, his eyes meeting Jared's friends' and running over Jared's pictures hanging from the walls. "And clearly, I still am. I'm sorry, I don't know why I showed up here like this, you're obviously... fine."
Jared frowns, and he wants nothing but to take that sad look off Jensen's face. "Fine?"
Finally making up his mind, Jared reaches out to take Jensen's hand in his, and he starts pulling him to the end of the room. He can feel everyone's eyes on them, even those of people he doesn't even know, but Jared can't think of anything outside the warmth of Jensen's shaking hand wrapped around his, and the pounding of his own heart in his ears.
They reach another small room, almost empty except for a girl who leaves the moment they both walk in. The walls are also white and intimidating, but from one of them hangs the biggest picture in the whole exhibition, black and white, and beautiful. Jared stares at it as if he hadn't seen it before, as if he hadn't lived the moment already. Jensen's fingers close tighter around his.
The photo displays Jensen sitting over a crappy sofa that has lived too many nights under the weight of lazy asses watching TV and playing video games - Jared's sofa - with Harley standing by his legs. There's a gorgeous smile on Jensen's face, shy and happy, one of his hands patting the dog's head. Next to the photo, a small sign reads "FEATURED: Other Side, by Jared Padalecki. Arts Student, 4th year."
When the silence gets too much to bear, Jared looks at Jensen. He's staring at the picture in awe, his cheeks flushed and his eyes wide. "I can't..."
Jared closes his hand tighter around his and takes a deep breath. "This? One of the best moments of my life." Jensen looks away from the photo and meets Jared's eyes, a barely concealed flicker of hope in his expression. "You're... the best fucking thing that's happened to me, Jensen, and... you're also the worst. You came into my life and made everything so great just so you could take it away from me, and-"
"Jared-"
"No," Jared cuts him off. "You have no fucking clue how long it took me to at least be able to pretend I was over you. So no, I'm not fine. I'm not even close to being fine." He can feel Jensen try to drop Jared's hand, so he pulls him closer. "I... I miss you like hell, even if I shouldn't."
Jared's vision is blurry, but he can still see how Jensen closes his own eyes and runs a hand through his hair.
"I'm sorry. Fuck, Jay, I truly am. And I know it doesn't mean much, but if I could go back and do things differently..." he trails off. His voice is unsteady and his free hand is shaking at his side, but he looks determined. "The circumstances are different now. I've grown up. Those months I spent with my family, those months with Danneel, away from you..." Jensen looks at him deeply and Jared feels like he's going to die, and yet it's such a great feeling that he never wants it to go away. "I love you. I am so fucking in love with you, and we were so good together, Jay. Now... we could be amazing together. And I know I don't deserve another chance, but I-"
Jared follows the tug of his heart and leans down to press his lips against Jensen's in a short, chaste kiss that sends electricity down to his toes and makes his brain a little dizzy. When he pulls back, they're both crying and Jared can't fight off the grin at the thought of how ridiculous they must look, at how fucking happy he is.
"Jared-"
"No, shut up," he cuts him off, his hand gripping the back of Jensen's neck. "Just shut up," he repeats.
Jensen smiles, beautifully and freely, and he wraps both arms around Jared's waist, then brings their mouths together again. Jared can taste Jensen's tears, can feel Jensen's heartbeat against his own, and all he can do is pull Jensen closer to him, because he knows that, no matter what happens from now on in their lives, he knows that right here is where they both belong.
The music is warm and soothing. It crawls under Jared's skin and loosens up every muscle - it makes his breathing slow down and his eyes fall shut, and at the same time gives him goosebumps despite the familiarity of the notes and the tender voice. He's already slipping into a slight doze when the guitar strumming suddenly stops.
"Don't fall asleep on me, that's rude."
Jared cracks one eye open and grins up at Jensen. "It's not my fault. Your music always does this to me."
Faking offense, Jensen puts the guitar over its stand next to the bed and then scoots down to place his head over the pillow next to Jared's. "Fucker, are you saying my music's boring?"
"Hey, those are your words, not mine," Jared says, though he still leans forwards to kiss Jensen and murmur against his lips, "you know I love your music." And Jensen does know it, for Jared tells him practically every single time he hears Jensen play. But he doesn't get tired of saying it, and he's pretty sure Jensen doesn't get tired of hearing it.
"I talked to Chris," Jensen tells him. "They're playing next Friday at that new bar down the street. I think it's a big deal, so we should probably be there."
"It is a big deal, didn't The Dead play there last weekend?" Jared reaches out and takes one of Jensen's hands in his to play with his fingers. "You do know this is all part of his plan to get you up there to play with him, right?"
Jensen smiles, his eyes crinkling. "Yeah. We'll see."
They spend the next few minutes in silence, until Jared shifts to lay his head over Jensen's stomach. It's an awkward position and his legs are hanging out of the side of the bed, but Jensen isn't usually cuddly unless it's after sex, so Jared's planning to take as much as he can while it lasts.
"Your mom called again."
"Oh, fuck. What did she say? Same as always?"
"Yep," Jensen grins and uses one hand to push Jared's hair off his forehead. "Except this time she ranted for about ten minutes about how we shouldn't serve fish because it gives guests bad breath and that puts them off from kissing and, therefore, from dancing."
Jared snorts. "Yeah, let's take that advice. Not serve imaginary fish at our imaginary wedding."
"I think our imaginary guests will appreciate that." Jensen grins. He starts playing with the silver band around his ring finger and looks down at Jared. "In her defense, the whole ring deal might have confused her."
"Your fault entirely."
"Dick. You were begging for any sign of commitment."
Jared smacks Jensen's stomach. "I meant something like an apartment, not a fucking ring."
"Well, you got the apartment and the ring, so shut up."
Jared chuckles and turns around. He places both of his hands over Jensen's chest and then lays his chin over them. Jensen's eyes are set on his, and he knows Jensen's reading all of his thoughts right now, but Jared feels the need to say it anyway. "I'm happy about the ring, you know."
Jensen smiles. "I know you're happy, you dork. And I also know you're scared shitless of weddings, which I respect. I might be scared of them, too, now."
Jared pushes himself forward and kisses Jensen slowly, their hands unconsciously finding each other and their fingers twinning. Jared pulls back regretfully and with a low hum, and buries his face in Jensen's neck.
"We should go take a shower and get dressed," he mumbles against soft skin. "Not that I don't like seeing you play guitar naked, but I'm not sure your parents would appreciate that."
Jensen snorts. "I'm thinking not."
Jared presses one final kiss to Jensen's mouth, then stands up and starts heading to the bathroom. Jensen stays for some seconds longer, stretching out his body pleasantly, until Jared pokes his head back inside the room, the sound of the shower coming from behind him.
"If you don't hurry up, I'm gonna bring my camera in here."
Jensen raises one lazy eyebrow at him. "Is that supposed to be a threat, Padalecki?" he shoots back, regretting it instantly when a smirk forms in Jared's lips.
"You've just given me consent to publish naked pictures of you."
"I did not!" Jensen complains, his entire body flushing.
"Get your white ass in here, then, or your dick will be this month's featured photo."
"Shut up," Jensen grumbles, and then adds to himself, "and my ass isn't white."
He can hear Jared laughing from inside the bathroom. "Don't worry, I love it just that way."
Jensen can't fight the grin off his face as he gets up and goes to join Jared in the shower.
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