holiday from real - part III
Title: Holiday From Real
Author: gluckspirat
Artist: loverstar
Fandom: CW RPF
Genre: Slash, AU.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following story is fiction and it never happened. I don't know nor own the characters.
Word count: 39,975
Summary: Jared's life finally seems to be on track: he's living with his friend Chad, studying what he loves, and now that he's working for his mother, he can afford both things. Even the introduction of Jensen Ackles to the picture doesn't appear to shake things up much - he's charming and hot and funny, and Jared feels an instant attraction, but it's just another crush on a straight guy and Jared's positive he'll get over it. That is, until Jensen starts flirting back and sending Jared mixed signs - which would be great, really, if it wasn't for the tiny little fact that Jensen's getting married, and that he's chosen Jared's mom's catering business to serve at his wedding.
Jared invites Jensen over a few other times after that, always texting him at Fridays and saying nothing but a time, or, when he's feeling brave, including a you in? at the end. Jensen also shows up unannounced a couple of times during the week, wearing his suit as proof that he's just walked out of his office.
Their excuse remains the same: Jensen visiting the dogs, being pet-sick, whatever. But if he starts spending less time playing with them and more and more talking to Jared, well, Jared isn't exactly complaining.
Around the third or fourth Saturday Jensen knocks on his door, he brings with him a pack of beers and some chips.
"To make up for all the times I've raided your fridge," he explains to Jared. "Besides, I'm sure Chad isn't all too happy I'm eating his food."
Jared does nothing but smile and lets him in. His dogs are always incredibly excited when Jensen visits - which Jared suspects has to be related to that one time he caught Jensen feeding them some doggy treats when he thought Jared was at the bathroom. Even Sadie has warmed up to him, and now wags her tail for Jensen with nearly the same excitement as she does for Jared.
Jared's very possessive over his pets, and were it anyone else, he'd probably be a bit jealous at how much affection Jensen's getting from his dogs. But it's Jensen, and Jared understands Harley and Sadie for not being able to resist his charms.
Still, at some times, Jared has to remind himself this isn't forever, that this routine will have to be over at some point. He has to stop himself from believing this could someday be Jensen returning home after work, to spend time with them, his family; nobody else but him, Jared and the dogs. He has to stop himself because Jensen's wedding date is closing in on them, and Jared knows that, no matter how good friends they may become, that will be it.
Some days, Jared wonders what Jensen's telling Danneel, or if he's telling her anything at all. The thought of Jensen hiding him from his soon-to-be wife makes him feel slightly sick - that is, until Chad points out that "Dude, if he's telling her about you, it's 'cause he's got nothing to hide, you know? But if he's not saying anything, then that's 'cause he's guilty about this whole thing, and that's gotta mean something, yeah?", and Jared's not sure he should be flattered at being kept a secret or scared at how much sense Chad's making lately.
His friend has never been an expert on relationships - not that Jared thinks he and Jensen are in one, anyway. Really, he doesn't. At all. - but it's not even that what shocks him. Chad's not around as much anymore, and when he is, his mind is always somewhere else. And then there's that one time when Jared caught him putting on some cologne before heading off to some bar with the guys, and considering how Chad has always thought that "night out with the guys" means "the night in which I can go out wearing whatever I want and not caring about how I look", that was just straight down weird.
Jared reckons he's probably been acting selfishly through the past weeks, and he wonders if he's even given Chad the chance to talk about what might be going on with him in the middle of all the Jensen.
"Dude," Chad starts, putting his beer to a side and folding both arms over his chest, "is this the time we talk about how much we're changing? About how we're falling apart and our friendship will never be the same again? Pfft, give me a fuckin' break. You've just been so busy with your Jensen boy that I wanted to give you some space to think instead of being in your face all the time, that's all."
Jared smiles a little and nods his head, and he doesn't press any further on the matter, ready to let it go and believe it's just another of his Jensen-induced hallucinations - which, he won't admit, he's been having a lot through the past weeks. But then Chad doesn't move, and doesn't pick up his beer again. He just stands there, shoulders hunched and head hanging down, almost begging Jared to pull out the information from him.
"So," Jared starts with his eyebrows raised, then clears his throat, "is there a name, or...?"
Chad sighs and gives up so easily that Jared's ready to kick himself for being such a lousy friend. "Yeah." He looks down for a fraction of a second before meeting Jared's eyes again. "Christine."
"Christine?"
"Yes, what? It's a perfectly normal name, a lot of girls have it, and it's totally normal, dude! She's totally normal."
"Dude, I didn't even say anything."
Chad shoves both hands deep down his pockets in a defensive way. "You said the name like you were... like you were hinting something."
Okay, now Jared's sure something's definitely going on. "Chad. Just. What?" Chad lets out a long breath, then mutters something under his breath. "Buddy, you're gonna have to speak up a bit, there."
"Chris."
"Huh." Jared waits for a few seconds to see if Chad plans on adding anything to that rather useless piece of information, but when he doesn't, he presses on. "Is that... is that how you call her? Her nickname?"
And this is when Chad looks at him like he's fucking blind, like he's been hinting at Jared for ages and he still hasn't picked up on what his friend's trying to tell him.
"No, you idiot. It's a name. Chris." He makes a pause, then adds, "Short for Christian."
His eyes meet Jared's in a defying way, and Jared can't stop his eyes from widening in shock. He knows Chad's had his fair share of hookups with guys before, but it's always been on those occasions in which they were both drunk off their heads and couldn't remember a thing the next morning. And, if Jared ever remembered, he never mentioned anything and neither did Chad. It's almost like an unspoken agreement.
Now, though, not only Chad's admitting to having that door open, but also to be actually attracted to a guy, as in having real feelings for him. This is something completely new, and if Jared remembers correctly, the first time he'd found out you could also crush on guys, it hadn't been exactly fun. But he'd had Chad to help him deal with that.
"Chad, man, I'm sorry."
Chad's entire expression darkens. "Sorry? What the fuck are you sorry for? I don't want you to fucking pity me like I can't be--"
"No, no, dude," Jared cuts him off, raising his hands to silence him. "Not that. I meant - just, I'm sorry if I haven't been there for you. This can't be something you've just found out today, and... I was so fucking selfish and busy dealing with my own shit and dragging you down into it, so. I don't know. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't share this with me, or..."
He trails off, not really knowing what to say, but Chad simply stares at him, then suddenly grips his chest and raises his eyebrows at him. "Am I growing tits yet?"
"You've always had tits," Jared shoots back as he shakes his head with an amused grin.
"Fuck you, no I don't. But seriously, I get you, dude. This Jensen thing, man," he lets out a whistle and shakes his head. "I wouldn't want to be the one caught in the middle of that."
"Yeah. Thanks." Jared says back sarcastically.
"It's all good, though," Chad says. "It was fucking scary at first, but I dealt with it, and now I'm good. And happy."
Jared starts to nod his head until his friend's words hit him. "Happy? Wait, does that mean-?"
"Sorry, I'm not telling you."
Jared's jaw drops. "What? I'm your best friend and you're not telling me?"
"Save that for some other time. D'you really think you get to miss all the shitty part and get the juicy details? Fuck no, dude. Train's passed your station long ago, man, this story is way too gone for you to catch up on."
Jared narrows his eyes at him and is about to say something when someone knocks on their door. Chad smirks at him in victory.
"You better get that."
"This is your place, too."
Chad raises an eyebrow at him. "You owe me."
"Fine." Jared stands up and heads to the door. "But this conversation is not over. At all."
Still slightly shaken up after his talk with Chad, but with the grin not leaving his face, Jared opens the door and feels a warm feeling in his stomach at the fact that he's not surprised it's Jensen - or the warmth is just because Jensen is there, again.
"Hey, Jay." Jensen locks his eyes with his for a few seconds and then looks away as he walks in, patting Jared's shoulder on his way.
Jared closes the door behind him, and only notices Jensen's carrying something when he leaves it over the table so that he's able to sit on the floor and greet the dogs. "You brought DVDs?" He asks.
"Yep," Jensen replies, not looking at him. "I've got a few classics and some other new shit with a lot of explosions. Plus, I got us some more popcorn. Did Chad ever find out we ate his?"
"No, but I'm finding out now."
Jensen turns around so fast that he scares Harley and Sadie away with his brusque movement. He stares at Chad for a few seconds before pulling himself together and standing up, offering his hand out to the blond.
"I'm Jensen."
"Yeah, I've heard." Chad shakes his hand, and without letting go, he looks at Jared and winks. "I guess this means I'm off, then."
"Fucker." Chad simply smirks back, releases Jensen from his grip, and walks to the door. "You know we'll continue our conversation when you get home tonight, right?"
"Then I won't be home tonight," he says with another wink.
The door closes and Jared is left standing in his living room with a very nervous-looking Jensen. The dogs poke at the back of his knees a few times and, when they get nothing, they turn to Jared.
Jared kneels down and pets them as a million thoughts run through his head. "He won't say anything."
Jensen doesn't get what he mumbles. "What?"
"Chad. He won't say a word. He doesn't even know Danneel."
Jensen frowns for a second or two, and then his face splits into a large grin. "That's what you think this is about?" He crouches down next to Jared and uses one hand to stroke Sadie's back, while the other falls over Jared's knee. "I'm not worried about that. He's your friend, and if you trust him, then I do, too."
Jared is very much distracted by the heat coming from Jensen's palm, but he does his best to ignore it. "Then... then what?"
Jensen has the decency to blush as he scoots as close to Jared as possible with the dogs still lurking between them.
"I just thought we were alone, that's all," he says. "I'm, uh... kind of getting used to it, you know? You and me. Alone."
Jared's breath gets caught on his throat. "Oh."
When he sees Jensen's gaze falling to his mouth, Jared licks his lips, and Jensen mirrors the movement unconsciously. He feels Jensen's face getting closer, can see all his freckles and his eyelashes and every single detail down to that tiny chicken-pox scar above his right eyebrow and fuck fuck fuck-
Jensen's mouth connects with his, slow and chaste, and Jared feels a shiver run down his spine at the sensation of those plump limps moving gently over his own. Jensen sucks on Jared's bottom lip almost sinfully slow, his hand shifts up to grip Jared's thigh tightly, and a loud moan crawls up Jared's throat as his body jerks forward on impulse.
Instead of meeting hard muscle, however, his chest bumps against a furry thing and he chuckles, pulling back slightly.
"Fucking Sadie."
The dog, trapped there only because Jensen was using her to keep himself up, leaves with an almost indignant huff, and Jared laughs again. Jensen is breathing heavier, his eyes a slight shade darker, his entire face flushed. And his mouth...
"Fuck."
Jared presses his lips back against Jensen's before he's even finished uttering the word, and he's rewarded with a firm hand coming to grip his neck and pull him even closer. They're both still struggling to keep their balance in their crouched down position, and if Jared wasn't too busy worrying about Jensen's tongue coming to lick at his mouth, he'd find the whole situation ridiculous.
Instead, he slowly eases himself down until he's sitting down, and Jensen is allowed to lean forward so that he places both knees on the floor, one on each side of Jared's legs.
Jensen's mumbling something against his lips, and then his tongue is making its way into Jared's mouth in steady thrusts that pull loud moans from both of them.
The sensation is delirious, Jensen fucking his mouth languidly, his hands cradling Jared's face and holding him in place, the heat coming from his body, and Jared's suddenly so fucking hard it hurts. It's like nothing he's ever felt before, and his own hips move on their own accord as they arch up from the floor in the search of some friction against Jensen's strong body.
Just as one of Jensen's hands starts to move down Jared's chest, a shrilling sound startles them both, and Jensen jumps back and falls down on his ass with an almost guilty expression.
"Shit. Sorry."
And then he's pulling his phone out from his pocket, and his entire face changes immediately as if a switch had been turned off. Or on, Jared considers; Danneel's switch of power and Jensen-domination.
Jensen's face is serious, but his entire appearance is clear evidence of what he's been doing. He looks completely and utterly kissed out, and Jared would feel kind of proud if he wasn't thinking about killing himself right there and then.
His heart is still beating out of control, his dick is still twitching inside his pants, and when Jensen hangs up with a "You too, bye.", Jared doesn't have to be a genius to know what that you too was answering to.
Jensen doesn't look at him. "I have to go."
Sadie has sensed the sudden change in their attitude and activities and approaches Jensen again, but this time, he pushes her off and stands up, brushing at invisible dirt from his pants and looking around helplessly as Jared doesn't get up, still too stunned about everything that's happened in the last ten minutes.
"I should really go." Jensen repeats.
This time, Jared nods his head, and that's all the encouragement Jensen needs to make his way to the exit. He looks back only once, his forehead pressed against the edge of the door, and their eyes meet, the electricity they shared just minutes ago still there despite Jensen's apparent desire to crush it deep inside him and make it go away. He looks regretful, miserable, and Jared is suddenly aching for his touch again.
He almost considers it, for a wild moment. Standing up, taking Jensen by the hand and pulling them back to where they were, or perhaps an even more comfortable spot like his bed. Maybe that's exactly what Jensen needs, someone brave enough to help him make that decision. But then Jensen closes his eyes and shakes his head against his own impulses, closes the door and leaves without another word, and Jared is left there sitting on the floor, struggling to convince himself he didn't imagine the whole thing.
"I lied to my mom today."
Jared's eyes don't leave the TV and neither do Chad's, who's only response is a grunt that could also be related to his character shooting down a couple of Nazis.
"She called to ask me some shit about work. Could sense something was different, and asked me if there was someone." Jared makes a pause to move his thumb upwards and right, pressing his reload button the second after. "I told her no."
"It's for the best, I think," Chad mutters from his left.
"Yeah." Jared sighs. His character comes across a box of grenades and he's quick to pick them up. "I haven't lied to her since my dad left. Never had to."
"Lying to your parents is only natural," Chad says, but even as he does, Jared knows Chad doesn't really mean that. Jared's never heard Chad lie to his parents the few times he's overheard him on the phone. "Are you... you think it's worth it? This thing with Jensen, I mean."
Jared doesn't even think it twice. "He makes me happy."
Chad glances at him for a split second before turning back to the game. "Does he?"
"Mostly."
"I don't think that's the right answer," Chad tells him.
Jared knows his friend's right, but maybe he's not ready to admit it yet. Maybe he just wants to take advantage of what he can get before it's all gone. "Does Chris make you happy?"
"Yeah," Chad says, and he doesn't think twice, either. "And he's happy, too. And him being happy makes me even happier."
The heat Chad's face irradiates after his words almost reaches the side of the couch where Jared's sitting at, but Jared doesn't tease him about it, because really, he can only dream of ever having that with Jensen.
"Good," he answers, and he truly means it. He's glad Chad's happy and that he's found someone who seems to be it for him. Jared's not sure if he should be still looking. "I think that's the right answer."
"Yeah." Chad watches with a slight smirk as Jared gets shot dead, then turns to his friend. "I don't think there has to be just one right answer, though."
"You shouldn't be here."
"I know."
Jared turns in his chair so that he's facing his screen again and goes back to filling in some orders, trying desperately to ignore the green eyes that are burning holes to the side of his head.
"Where's Danneel?"
He hears Jensen sigh. "I - I don't know." He pauses. "Not here."
Jared's hands drop from the keyboard to his lap and he takes a couple of deep breaths. He doesn't know what to do, how to act; he'd thought he knew, he controlled himself long enough to convince everyone all he ever wanted was to be friends with Jensen. But then Jensen fucking ruined everything by kissing him and running away.
"Why are you even here, though?" He forces himself to look at Jensen, even though his entire face is burning in both shame and anger. "You're a selfish dick. I mean, you show up at my house, you... you do what you did, and then you fucking bail? It's..."
"It's ridiculous, I know," Jensen says, running a hand through his perfectly messed up hair. "And it was stupid on my part to ever think that - fuck, Jay, I don't know." Jensen looks at him pleadingly, and Jared feels his entire resolve crumble under those eyes. "Just, let me make it up to you. What time does your shift end?"
Jensen knows that already, but Jared doesn't point that out. He wants to tell Jensen to go away, that he has plans, but the words are out of his mouth before he can think of a good excuse. "I get out at six."
"Great, I'll just - can I wait for you outside, in the car? And we can go somewhere. And, you know, talk."
Jared nods his head because it's all he's capable of doing at the moment, and Jensen lets out a sigh of relief. Jared watches him walk out, his steps steady and confident, and he feels like an idiot, because it's obvious Jensen knew Jared would cave in.
Jensen surely knows how infatuated with him Jared is - fuck, he's probably known for a while, now - and maybe what happened the last time they met was just him trying to get some proof about that. What are you talking about, Jared? I didn't kiss you, you kissed me. And dude, I'm not mad, I just don't feel that way about you, yeah? So that's why he's here? To turn this all around and make Jared look like an obsessed kid? Maybe him and Danneel can laugh about it later, can even remember the episode at the wedding as they share anecdotes that happened during the preparation of the ceremony.
As he gets in the car a few minutes later, he slams the door closed and tosses his bag in between his legs brusquely.
Jensen doesn't look surprised at his attitude. "Jay, look, I get that you're mad-"
"I bet."
"Just, hear me out, yeah?" When Jared doesn't answer, Jensen starts up the car. "Can we go back to your place? I - I got coffee for us, but I don't want to talk in the car, and we can't go to my house."
Jared doesn't even look at the Starbucks bag that Jensen's placed in the middle of them, but hearing his voice like that, weak and unsure, is already starting to ease off a bit of Jared's anger.
"We can't go back to mine, Chad's got his date over and he told me not to be there."
Jensen nods and doesn't say anything for some seconds, the engine working and vibrating beneath them the only sound breaking the silence. After a while, Jensen turns the key and the roar of the engine slowly dies.
"Coffee's probably cold now, anyway," Jensen mumbles, motioning at the Starbucks bag dejectedly before looking back down. "There's a muffin in there for you, though."
Jared is not sure how to react to that, or to his stomach's incessant turning. "Um, thanks."
Jensen lets out a bitter chuckle and runs a hand down his face with a sigh. Jared does nothing but stare at him, and he finds himself hating the way Jensen looks so worn out, so defeated by this whole thing.
"You know," he starts, causing Jensen to look back at him, "you don't have to worry about Danneel finding out, if that's what you're freaking out about. I don't kiss and tell."
"It's not," Jensen quickly answers. "Honestly, as insane as it may sound, I'm more concerned about you being mad at me than about her hearing about this."
Jared can't fight the way his lips curve upwards into a giddy, nervous smile. Jensen grins and reaches out with his left hand tentatively, almost afraid Jared's going to pull back - as if Jared was able to deny anything to Jensen with the way he's looking at him now - and brushes the hair out of Jared's face. His touch is hesitant and gentle, the warmth of his fingers spreading rapidly and reaching every corner of Jared's body.
Fuck, the idea that Jensen already knows what buttons to push to win him over make Jared feel both scared and excited at the same time.
"And just so you know," Jensen says, an amused smile dancing along his lips, "I don't usually kiss and, well, run."
Jared chuckles and Jensen watches him with a fond smile, and suddenly, it's like they're back at what they had, the good days in which they had nothing to worry about - or at least pretended they didn't. That tiny world they'd created for just the two of them, where Jensen was getting married and was okay with that, and Jared was okay with that, too.
But then Jensen's hand becomes alive against Jared's skin again, running down his cheek to take a firm grip on his neck, and Jared's laugh abruptly ends.
"We should... drive somewhere," Jared says, his voice coming out slightly breathless.
Jensen is nodding before Jared's finished saying the words. He turns on the car and pulls out of the driveway, both hands closed tightly around the wheel. Jared takes his time studying his profile, the way the sun hits his face and how it makes his freckles more visible, makes his eyelashes stand out, and his chest aches with so much attraction and want.
Jensen drives and drives until they reach a calmer area near the outskirts of the city, and he pulls up in front of a deserted park. He kills the engine, then looks at Jared with the slightest level of uncertainty in his eyes.
"Where are we?"
A lazy smirk slowly spreads along Jensen's lips. "Do we really care?"
And then he's kissing Jared again, hard and passionate and a little too much, his teeth nipping Jared's bottom lip and his tongue making its way intrusively into Jared's mouth. Jensen's hand travels up from the back of Jared's neck and tangles in Jared's hair, tugging only slightly and eliciting a moan from the two of them.
Jared lets Jensen stay in control of the kiss, and tilts his head back slightly to allow Jensen's tongue to cover every single spot inside his mouth. He tries to touch Jensen's body, but he can't reach him from his position and he lets out a low grunt in frustration, placing his right hand on top of Jensen's arm, instead.
After a while, Jensen starts slowing down until they're only sharing a small kiss, and with one final peck to Jared's lips, he pulls back. They're both breathless and panting, their lips swollen and their pants feeling a bit too tight.
Jensen's forehead falls against Jared's, one hand still cradling the back of Jared's head. "Let me take you out on a date." His voice is barely above a whisper, but there's still something pleading to his tone that makes Jared's heart skip a beat.
"We can't," he says, his own words coming out strained, wishing he could answer anything else. "I'd love to, but you know we can't."
"I know." Jensen's eyes drop closed with a sigh. "Let's just do something. No more using the dogs as an excuse, I want to come over to yours to see you."
"Are you seriously saying you were using my dogs as an excuse?" Jared asks with a small smile. "And they thought you actually cared about them. They'll be crushed."
Jensen rolls his eyes and ignores him. "I'll bring the food, and some wine, I'll take care of everything, just... please say yes."
"Of course," Jared answers, and he's not able to hold back his grin. "Is Friday good for you? I'll tell Chad not to be there."
Jensen smiles at him and kisses him shortly. "Awesome."
When Chad walks into Jared's room that Friday evening, he finds his friend going through a pile of shirts, his back still damp and his hair still dripping from his shower. Chad sits at the edge of Jared's bed with a frown.
"Why are you dressing up like that?" Jared glances at him shortly before turning back to his closet. Chad sighs. "And what the fuck's up with that stubble, you trying to look old enough for your boy?"
"Fuck off, man."
Chad's about to retort when, for his own safety and seeing the look on Jared's face, he decides to stay quiet. He watches as his friend finally goes for a light grey shirt to go with his black jeans, and starts buttoning it up.
"Seriously, is this such a big deal?" Chad insists as Jared runs a hand through his hair, then kneels down to fetch a pair of shoes. "'Cause you're looking like it may be a big deal."
Jared finally sighs and turns around to look at him. "Dude, I told you already, I don't know what the fuck this is, and you sitting there isn't making it any better."
"I'm just trying to be a supportive friend. I thought you were into this girly, let's-talk-about-our-feelings type of shit," Chad says. "So, tell me. Are you nervous? You think he's gonna try to get into your pants?"
Jared freezes in the middle of tying his right shoelaces. "No, but fuck, now I'm thinking about it. Fuck."
Chad smirks. "Relax, man."
"Relax? Dude, how can I even relax with that thought in my mind?" Jared throws at him, his hands now visibly shaking as he tries to fix his hair in front of the bathroom mirror. "You're not even supposed to be here, Chad."
Just as Jared's words leave his mouth, a knock comes from the entrance door and Jared looks at Chad with a panicked look on his face. Chad shakes his head and places both hands over Jared's shoulders.
"Pull yourself together, you pussy," he says, shoving Jared towards the bathroom so that he can finish getting ready. "I'll get the door for you."
"Hell no, don't even think about entertaining him or anything like that."
But Chad smirks and shakes his head again. "Don't worry, I've no interest in talking to your man when Chris is waiting for me back at his place," he says.
He throws one last glance at Jared, who's now hunched over the basin brushing his teeth for the fourth time, and closes the door behind him.
Jared hears the front door being opened and a short exchange between Chad and Jensen before the door is shut again and everything goes silent. With a final look at himself in the mirror, he lets out a deep breath.
"Stop being such a girl," he mutters, and then walks out of his room and into the living room.
Jensen's standing there in a white shirt and a pair of black dress pants and black tie, one hand deep down his pocket and the other holding a bag from which the most delicious smell is coming out. His whole face lights up as he sees Jared appear, and he takes his time to look at him and take him in, pulling a slight blush to Jared's cheeks.
"Wow. You look good," Jensen says.
Jared tries to hide his blush with a shrug. "So do you," he answers as he moves forward to take the bag from Jensen's hands.
"Yeah, well, just got out of the office, so it's not like I had to think much about what to wear." He helps Jared take the things to the kitchen, and only then Jared notices he's carrying a pack of beer instead of the wine he'd promised, and he feels incredibly grateful for that, because he's never been a fan of fancy wine. "Where are the dogs?"
"I thought you said this wouldn't be a dog-date," Jared says with an amused smile, but then he adds, "They're in Chad's room, sleeping. Didn't even bother waking them up."
Jensen grins at this. "Good."
As he starts emptying the bag over the counter, Jared realizes that what's inside the bag aren't take-out boxes, but plastic containers with what appears to be home-made food. He feels an unexplainable warmth spread from his stomach up to his heart.
"Did you cook this?"
Jensen's face flushes slightly, and he reaches for the boxes to prevent Jared from opening them. "I, uh... I just wasn't sure if you'd like Chinese or whatever, or any other exotic food, or just wanted a burger, so I -" he pauses with a grin. "Actually, no, that's bullshit. I wanted to do something special for you, so I cooked."
Jared smiles. "That's-"
"A very stupid move, I know, considering you're the son of an amazing cook, and you probably have great skills in the kitchen, too." Jensen says as if he's just realizing this now, but Jared shakes his head.
"Actually, I suck at cooking," he says with a shrug. "My mom tried to teach me, but I burnt everything, couldn't measure up the ingredients right..."
He trails off and Jensen's grin widens. "Not to be a dick or anything, but I'm glad to hear that you suck." Jared can't help but snort at that, and Jensen's face flushes again. "I mean at cooking! That you suck at cooking. Jesus."
"I didn't even say anything!" Jared protests, but he laughs at Jensen's expression before motioning at the boxes. "What did you cook for me, anyway?"
"There's some sandwiches, and some potato salad, and other silly things," Jensen says.
The tip of his ears are still burning red, and he's still looking unsure at his whole cooking plan, and Jared can't wrap his mind around how adorable and yet amazingly hot Jensen is. He can't be real, he thinks.
"That sounds amazing."
And it tastes amazing, too. Jared tells Jensen that as, twenty minutes later, they sit at Jared's sofa eating their dinner. There's mashed potatoes, tuna sandwiches, some tomato and lettuce salad, chicken salad - Jared's always been one for big meals, he's known to be constantly hungry, and could probably down two or three steaks like it's nothing, but he also enjoys a light meal every now and then, and Jensen's potato salad is heavenly good.
"It's my mom's recipe, I called her earlier to ask for it," Jensen says, smiling wide at the compliment. "She doesn't own anything huge like your mom does, but she should, with how she cooks."
"I bet she was amused when you asked for the recipe," Jared says, and Jensen chuckles before taking a sip of water.
"You have no idea," he answers. "She thought I was feeling sick or something, she even asked me to talk to Dani to ask her what was wrong."
Jensen's chuckling and doesn't notice the way Jared's body tenses at the mention of his soon-to-be wife. Jared knows he's being a bit selfish, he knows Jensen's in a weird situation and that he shouldn't be demanding anything from him, but he still doesn't like hearing about her. He thinks maybe he even deserves Jensen not mentioning her in their conversations.
"Sorry, I..." Jensen trails off, not knowing what to say, and the atmosphere around them suddenly turns heavy and awkward. Jared hates it, and he's about to say something so that they can move on, when Jensen speaks again. "Chad seemed to think it was pretty amusing, too. Me cooking for you."
Jared clings to the change of subject tightly, even if the last thing he wants to talk about is Chad. Well, second to last, really.
"Yeah? God, I hope he didn't say anything weird or threatening to you. He can be a bit too much, sometimes."
"Threatening? Not at all," Jensen says. "Quite the opposite, really. He even gave me this." Jensen reaches into his back pocket and pulls out, much to Jared's horror, a small, squared package that glistens under the light. "I think this is more encouraging than threatening, no?"
Jared hides his face behind his hands as he feels his cheeks heat up. "Fuck, sorry, that's just... fuck. Just, leave that somewhere around, I'll - I'll give it back to Chad when I see him again. God, sorry."
"Jay, relax," Jensen tells him with a smirk, "it's just a condom. You must've seen one of these in TV or something."
Jared narrows his eyes at him. "Ha ha, very funny. I'm not a fucking virgin," he says, and blushes immediately after.
"Oh." Jared looks up just to see Jensen's eyes darken just barely before he licks his lips and puts the condom back in his pocket. "I guess I'll just, uh, hold on to this, then."
They both turn back to their food silently, chewing slowly and not sharing more than short glances and small smiles, their faces flushed and their hearts beating rapidly. They finish dinner in silence, the atmosphere turning quiet and slightly tense, and as Jared sips the last of his beer, he looks around hopelessly trying to find something to eat, drink, or just whatever excuse to get him out of there. He finds himself hating Chad for the whole condom thing, and starts thinking ways to get back at him.
"So."
Jensen looks at him with raised eyebrows. "So?"
"This is awkward."
Something flashes in Jensen's eyes, but before Jared can say anything, Jensen speaks again, his voice low and just barely hesitant. "It doesn't have to be."
Jared's nodding, agreeing to something he proposed to himself in his mind, but apparently Jensen has the same idea, as he launches across the sofa and pins Jared down with a mind-blowing kiss.
Jared wasn't lying when he told Jensen he's not a virgin - but if Chad had been there, it'd probably turned into a discussion of what counts as real sex. Because when it comes down to it, Jared has never gone all the way with a guy. He's had all kinds of experiences with girls during high school during that time in which he was still trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he was straight. But honestly, the opportunity to fuck a dude - or the other way around, Jared's not too sure yet of what position he'd like to take - hasn't presented itself. And sex at a bathroom bar, however cool they might want to make it look at series and movies, is dirty and disgusting and really uncomfortable.
And now he's ranting inside his own head. Awesome.
He tries to explain all of this to Jensen, but he only gets a few words in before he gets distracted again with Jensen's mouth on his neck, sucking and biting, then soothing the skin with his tongue.
Still, Jensen somehow gets the message and pulls back slightly. "It's fine. We don't have to do anything you haven't done," he murmurs against Jared's skin.
And then he proceeds to blow him right there and then, and fuck, Jared has never felt anything like it. Jensen's mouth is heaven, there really is no other word to describe it. The works of his tongue and lips have Jared moaning incoherent words into the silence of the room, his head tilted back and one hand placed on the back of Jensen's head, just resting there, following Jensen's movements up and down his dick.
"Fuck, Jen." Jensen's answer is a moan that makes Jared let out a deep, extended groan.
It doesn't last too long. Jensen replaces his mouth with his hand just in time, and Jared comes with another grunt and the whisper of Jensen's name slipping through his lips. His head drops back again and his eyes fall closed, and when his mind clears from the haze, it is to feel Jensen gently licking him clean, making his dick twitch slightly in renewed interest.
Jensen chuckles at this and presses his forehead against Jared's thigh, nuzzling him softly. Jared can't resist running a hand through Jensen's hair, the motions soothing for the both of them.
After another couple of minutes, Jared manages to pull his brain back together and looks down at the other man with a grin. "Um, do you want me to..."
Jensen shakes his head with a smile. "No, I took care of it already." He smirks and tucks Jared back inside his pants, then takes his place next to him in the sofa, much closer than before and throwing an arm around Jared's shoulders. He presses his nose against Jared's ear. "Hearing you fall apart like that kind of did it for me."
"Oh." Jared feels his face heat up, and he tries to remember what exactly did he say or shout out when he came. He hopes it was nothing too embarrassing.
"You're thinking too much, I can feel it."
Jensen's mumbling against Jared's ear, and Jared can't function anymore. He can feel fingers rubbing the back of his head, running through his hair, and he forces himself to do as Jensen says and relax absolutely both body and mind.
"Maybe you could stay over tonight and we could put Chad's gift to use."
Shit. Jared's eyes snap open just as he feels Jensen's body tense up against his, and all too quickly, the hand that was stroking his skin disappears. He doesn't know what possessed him to say that, but not controlling his brain around Jensen? Probably not the best idea, then.
Fear invades Jared's stomach and his hands are suddenly shaking. He's not sure what part made Jensen's face whiten like that - after all, it was Jensen who proposed to keep the condom in the first place. As Jensen begins to stand up, however, he realizes what's wrong.
"I can't stay, you know that."
Jensen is grabbing his phone, he's looking for his keys. Jared can only stare at him, too scared, too nervous to move. "Yeah, I - it was stupid of me to say that, I don't know why I even mentioned it really. Jensen, I..."
Jensen's not listening.
He stands up and closes his left hand around Jensen's wrist. "It doesn't mean you have to leave now, though."
"Jared, look at the time, I can't..."
Jensen looks up at him, and Jared's heart stutters at the grief displayed all over Jensen's face. He raises a hand to stroke Jensen's cheek.
"Just - don't bail on me. Again."
But Jensen steps back, his eyes falling closed like the last thing he wants to do is leave, and yet he's walking towards the door, reaching blindly for the knob and then pulling it open. He doesn't look back this time, and Jared isn't sure if that's any better.
As the door shuts, Jared numbly stands there, staring at a fixed spot in the wall. His head is pounding, his eyes ache, and his entire body is trembling. He feels shattered, fucking used, and yet he's still trying to justify Jensen inside his own mind. He has no other choice, his girlfriend could get suspicious and then they would never be able to meet again.
Apparently Jensen has the ability to make him feel as young and inexperienced as ever. He hates himself because he knew, he knew from the minute he met Jensen, that Danneel would always come first, so how did he let himself be so invested on this?
Without thinking too much, he stands up and walks to Chad's bedroom. He needs some comforting, and he's getting it from whoever is closer. Harley and Sadie look up at him the moment he walks in, and almost knowingly, Sadie scoots over to leave him a free spot on the bed.
He kicks off his shoes, crawls between them and presses his face against the pillows. They smell strange, a cologne Jared's never smelled on Chad before and which undoubtedly belongs to Chris, and he feels even lonelier. His eyes sting, and he struggles against it. He won't cry, dammit - not for someone who puts him in second place, someone who keeps promising things that they both know he can't do.
As much as he tries to keep this thought in mind, though, he can't prevent a few tears from rolling down his cheeks, and he presses his face even harder against the pillow. Sensing this, Harley nudges his nose against his leg and Sadie curls closer to him.
He eventually dozes off, and only jolts awake much later, when the furry warmth of the dogs disappears and the bedroom light goes on. He can hear Chad moving around the room, can feel the same scent that's all over Chad's bed. Jared tries to stay as still as possible, tries to keep his breathing steady, to prevent his eyes from fluttering under his lids.
After a while, the light is turned off again, and the other side of the bed sinks under Chad's weight. Jared's waiting for Chad to kick him out, or to at least shove him awake so that he can get under the sheets. Instead, what he gets is a hand falling over his shoulder and squeezing once.
"I know you're awake, man, and I know you don't want to talk," Chad says, keeping his voice low, "so, whatever. You can stay, as long as you don't dream about Jensen and beat me up thinking it's him. Or worse, cuddle me. You hear me?"
Jared smiles a little but simply hums, and the hand on his shoulder disappears. He feels Chad's movements as he turns around so that they're back to back and, after that, everything is quiet again.
Masterpost | Previous | Next
Author: gluckspirat
Artist: loverstar
Fandom: CW RPF
Genre: Slash, AU.
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The following story is fiction and it never happened. I don't know nor own the characters.
Word count: 39,975
Summary: Jared's life finally seems to be on track: he's living with his friend Chad, studying what he loves, and now that he's working for his mother, he can afford both things. Even the introduction of Jensen Ackles to the picture doesn't appear to shake things up much - he's charming and hot and funny, and Jared feels an instant attraction, but it's just another crush on a straight guy and Jared's positive he'll get over it. That is, until Jensen starts flirting back and sending Jared mixed signs - which would be great, really, if it wasn't for the tiny little fact that Jensen's getting married, and that he's chosen Jared's mom's catering business to serve at his wedding.
Jared invites Jensen over a few other times after that, always texting him at Fridays and saying nothing but a time, or, when he's feeling brave, including a you in? at the end. Jensen also shows up unannounced a couple of times during the week, wearing his suit as proof that he's just walked out of his office.
Their excuse remains the same: Jensen visiting the dogs, being pet-sick, whatever. But if he starts spending less time playing with them and more and more talking to Jared, well, Jared isn't exactly complaining.
Around the third or fourth Saturday Jensen knocks on his door, he brings with him a pack of beers and some chips.
"To make up for all the times I've raided your fridge," he explains to Jared. "Besides, I'm sure Chad isn't all too happy I'm eating his food."
Jared does nothing but smile and lets him in. His dogs are always incredibly excited when Jensen visits - which Jared suspects has to be related to that one time he caught Jensen feeding them some doggy treats when he thought Jared was at the bathroom. Even Sadie has warmed up to him, and now wags her tail for Jensen with nearly the same excitement as she does for Jared.
Jared's very possessive over his pets, and were it anyone else, he'd probably be a bit jealous at how much affection Jensen's getting from his dogs. But it's Jensen, and Jared understands Harley and Sadie for not being able to resist his charms.
Still, at some times, Jared has to remind himself this isn't forever, that this routine will have to be over at some point. He has to stop himself from believing this could someday be Jensen returning home after work, to spend time with them, his family; nobody else but him, Jared and the dogs. He has to stop himself because Jensen's wedding date is closing in on them, and Jared knows that, no matter how good friends they may become, that will be it.
Some days, Jared wonders what Jensen's telling Danneel, or if he's telling her anything at all. The thought of Jensen hiding him from his soon-to-be wife makes him feel slightly sick - that is, until Chad points out that "Dude, if he's telling her about you, it's 'cause he's got nothing to hide, you know? But if he's not saying anything, then that's 'cause he's guilty about this whole thing, and that's gotta mean something, yeah?", and Jared's not sure he should be flattered at being kept a secret or scared at how much sense Chad's making lately.
His friend has never been an expert on relationships - not that Jared thinks he and Jensen are in one, anyway. Really, he doesn't. At all. - but it's not even that what shocks him. Chad's not around as much anymore, and when he is, his mind is always somewhere else. And then there's that one time when Jared caught him putting on some cologne before heading off to some bar with the guys, and considering how Chad has always thought that "night out with the guys" means "the night in which I can go out wearing whatever I want and not caring about how I look", that was just straight down weird.
Jared reckons he's probably been acting selfishly through the past weeks, and he wonders if he's even given Chad the chance to talk about what might be going on with him in the middle of all the Jensen.
"Dude," Chad starts, putting his beer to a side and folding both arms over his chest, "is this the time we talk about how much we're changing? About how we're falling apart and our friendship will never be the same again? Pfft, give me a fuckin' break. You've just been so busy with your Jensen boy that I wanted to give you some space to think instead of being in your face all the time, that's all."
Jared smiles a little and nods his head, and he doesn't press any further on the matter, ready to let it go and believe it's just another of his Jensen-induced hallucinations - which, he won't admit, he's been having a lot through the past weeks. But then Chad doesn't move, and doesn't pick up his beer again. He just stands there, shoulders hunched and head hanging down, almost begging Jared to pull out the information from him.
"So," Jared starts with his eyebrows raised, then clears his throat, "is there a name, or...?"
Chad sighs and gives up so easily that Jared's ready to kick himself for being such a lousy friend. "Yeah." He looks down for a fraction of a second before meeting Jared's eyes again. "Christine."
"Christine?"
"Yes, what? It's a perfectly normal name, a lot of girls have it, and it's totally normal, dude! She's totally normal."
"Dude, I didn't even say anything."
Chad shoves both hands deep down his pockets in a defensive way. "You said the name like you were... like you were hinting something."
Okay, now Jared's sure something's definitely going on. "Chad. Just. What?" Chad lets out a long breath, then mutters something under his breath. "Buddy, you're gonna have to speak up a bit, there."
"Chris."
"Huh." Jared waits for a few seconds to see if Chad plans on adding anything to that rather useless piece of information, but when he doesn't, he presses on. "Is that... is that how you call her? Her nickname?"
And this is when Chad looks at him like he's fucking blind, like he's been hinting at Jared for ages and he still hasn't picked up on what his friend's trying to tell him.
"No, you idiot. It's a name. Chris." He makes a pause, then adds, "Short for Christian."
His eyes meet Jared's in a defying way, and Jared can't stop his eyes from widening in shock. He knows Chad's had his fair share of hookups with guys before, but it's always been on those occasions in which they were both drunk off their heads and couldn't remember a thing the next morning. And, if Jared ever remembered, he never mentioned anything and neither did Chad. It's almost like an unspoken agreement.
Now, though, not only Chad's admitting to having that door open, but also to be actually attracted to a guy, as in having real feelings for him. This is something completely new, and if Jared remembers correctly, the first time he'd found out you could also crush on guys, it hadn't been exactly fun. But he'd had Chad to help him deal with that.
"Chad, man, I'm sorry."
Chad's entire expression darkens. "Sorry? What the fuck are you sorry for? I don't want you to fucking pity me like I can't be--"
"No, no, dude," Jared cuts him off, raising his hands to silence him. "Not that. I meant - just, I'm sorry if I haven't been there for you. This can't be something you've just found out today, and... I was so fucking selfish and busy dealing with my own shit and dragging you down into it, so. I don't know. I'm sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't share this with me, or..."
He trails off, not really knowing what to say, but Chad simply stares at him, then suddenly grips his chest and raises his eyebrows at him. "Am I growing tits yet?"
"You've always had tits," Jared shoots back as he shakes his head with an amused grin.
"Fuck you, no I don't. But seriously, I get you, dude. This Jensen thing, man," he lets out a whistle and shakes his head. "I wouldn't want to be the one caught in the middle of that."
"Yeah. Thanks." Jared says back sarcastically.
"It's all good, though," Chad says. "It was fucking scary at first, but I dealt with it, and now I'm good. And happy."
Jared starts to nod his head until his friend's words hit him. "Happy? Wait, does that mean-?"
"Sorry, I'm not telling you."
Jared's jaw drops. "What? I'm your best friend and you're not telling me?"
"Save that for some other time. D'you really think you get to miss all the shitty part and get the juicy details? Fuck no, dude. Train's passed your station long ago, man, this story is way too gone for you to catch up on."
Jared narrows his eyes at him and is about to say something when someone knocks on their door. Chad smirks at him in victory.
"You better get that."
"This is your place, too."
Chad raises an eyebrow at him. "You owe me."
"Fine." Jared stands up and heads to the door. "But this conversation is not over. At all."
Still slightly shaken up after his talk with Chad, but with the grin not leaving his face, Jared opens the door and feels a warm feeling in his stomach at the fact that he's not surprised it's Jensen - or the warmth is just because Jensen is there, again.
"Hey, Jay." Jensen locks his eyes with his for a few seconds and then looks away as he walks in, patting Jared's shoulder on his way.
Jared closes the door behind him, and only notices Jensen's carrying something when he leaves it over the table so that he's able to sit on the floor and greet the dogs. "You brought DVDs?" He asks.
"Yep," Jensen replies, not looking at him. "I've got a few classics and some other new shit with a lot of explosions. Plus, I got us some more popcorn. Did Chad ever find out we ate his?"
"No, but I'm finding out now."
Jensen turns around so fast that he scares Harley and Sadie away with his brusque movement. He stares at Chad for a few seconds before pulling himself together and standing up, offering his hand out to the blond.
"I'm Jensen."
"Yeah, I've heard." Chad shakes his hand, and without letting go, he looks at Jared and winks. "I guess this means I'm off, then."
"Fucker." Chad simply smirks back, releases Jensen from his grip, and walks to the door. "You know we'll continue our conversation when you get home tonight, right?"
"Then I won't be home tonight," he says with another wink.
The door closes and Jared is left standing in his living room with a very nervous-looking Jensen. The dogs poke at the back of his knees a few times and, when they get nothing, they turn to Jared.
Jared kneels down and pets them as a million thoughts run through his head. "He won't say anything."
Jensen doesn't get what he mumbles. "What?"
"Chad. He won't say a word. He doesn't even know Danneel."
Jensen frowns for a second or two, and then his face splits into a large grin. "That's what you think this is about?" He crouches down next to Jared and uses one hand to stroke Sadie's back, while the other falls over Jared's knee. "I'm not worried about that. He's your friend, and if you trust him, then I do, too."
Jared is very much distracted by the heat coming from Jensen's palm, but he does his best to ignore it. "Then... then what?"
Jensen has the decency to blush as he scoots as close to Jared as possible with the dogs still lurking between them.
"I just thought we were alone, that's all," he says. "I'm, uh... kind of getting used to it, you know? You and me. Alone."
Jared's breath gets caught on his throat. "Oh."
When he sees Jensen's gaze falling to his mouth, Jared licks his lips, and Jensen mirrors the movement unconsciously. He feels Jensen's face getting closer, can see all his freckles and his eyelashes and every single detail down to that tiny chicken-pox scar above his right eyebrow and fuck fuck fuck-
Jensen's mouth connects with his, slow and chaste, and Jared feels a shiver run down his spine at the sensation of those plump limps moving gently over his own. Jensen sucks on Jared's bottom lip almost sinfully slow, his hand shifts up to grip Jared's thigh tightly, and a loud moan crawls up Jared's throat as his body jerks forward on impulse.
Instead of meeting hard muscle, however, his chest bumps against a furry thing and he chuckles, pulling back slightly.
"Fucking Sadie."
The dog, trapped there only because Jensen was using her to keep himself up, leaves with an almost indignant huff, and Jared laughs again. Jensen is breathing heavier, his eyes a slight shade darker, his entire face flushed. And his mouth...
"Fuck."
Jared presses his lips back against Jensen's before he's even finished uttering the word, and he's rewarded with a firm hand coming to grip his neck and pull him even closer. They're both still struggling to keep their balance in their crouched down position, and if Jared wasn't too busy worrying about Jensen's tongue coming to lick at his mouth, he'd find the whole situation ridiculous.
Instead, he slowly eases himself down until he's sitting down, and Jensen is allowed to lean forward so that he places both knees on the floor, one on each side of Jared's legs.
Jensen's mumbling something against his lips, and then his tongue is making its way into Jared's mouth in steady thrusts that pull loud moans from both of them.
The sensation is delirious, Jensen fucking his mouth languidly, his hands cradling Jared's face and holding him in place, the heat coming from his body, and Jared's suddenly so fucking hard it hurts. It's like nothing he's ever felt before, and his own hips move on their own accord as they arch up from the floor in the search of some friction against Jensen's strong body.
Just as one of Jensen's hands starts to move down Jared's chest, a shrilling sound startles them both, and Jensen jumps back and falls down on his ass with an almost guilty expression.
"Shit. Sorry."
And then he's pulling his phone out from his pocket, and his entire face changes immediately as if a switch had been turned off. Or on, Jared considers; Danneel's switch of power and Jensen-domination.
Jensen's face is serious, but his entire appearance is clear evidence of what he's been doing. He looks completely and utterly kissed out, and Jared would feel kind of proud if he wasn't thinking about killing himself right there and then.
His heart is still beating out of control, his dick is still twitching inside his pants, and when Jensen hangs up with a "You too, bye.", Jared doesn't have to be a genius to know what that you too was answering to.
Jensen doesn't look at him. "I have to go."
Sadie has sensed the sudden change in their attitude and activities and approaches Jensen again, but this time, he pushes her off and stands up, brushing at invisible dirt from his pants and looking around helplessly as Jared doesn't get up, still too stunned about everything that's happened in the last ten minutes.
"I should really go." Jensen repeats.
This time, Jared nods his head, and that's all the encouragement Jensen needs to make his way to the exit. He looks back only once, his forehead pressed against the edge of the door, and their eyes meet, the electricity they shared just minutes ago still there despite Jensen's apparent desire to crush it deep inside him and make it go away. He looks regretful, miserable, and Jared is suddenly aching for his touch again.
He almost considers it, for a wild moment. Standing up, taking Jensen by the hand and pulling them back to where they were, or perhaps an even more comfortable spot like his bed. Maybe that's exactly what Jensen needs, someone brave enough to help him make that decision. But then Jensen closes his eyes and shakes his head against his own impulses, closes the door and leaves without another word, and Jared is left there sitting on the floor, struggling to convince himself he didn't imagine the whole thing.
"I lied to my mom today."
Jared's eyes don't leave the TV and neither do Chad's, who's only response is a grunt that could also be related to his character shooting down a couple of Nazis.
"She called to ask me some shit about work. Could sense something was different, and asked me if there was someone." Jared makes a pause to move his thumb upwards and right, pressing his reload button the second after. "I told her no."
"It's for the best, I think," Chad mutters from his left.
"Yeah." Jared sighs. His character comes across a box of grenades and he's quick to pick them up. "I haven't lied to her since my dad left. Never had to."
"Lying to your parents is only natural," Chad says, but even as he does, Jared knows Chad doesn't really mean that. Jared's never heard Chad lie to his parents the few times he's overheard him on the phone. "Are you... you think it's worth it? This thing with Jensen, I mean."
Jared doesn't even think it twice. "He makes me happy."
Chad glances at him for a split second before turning back to the game. "Does he?"
"Mostly."
"I don't think that's the right answer," Chad tells him.
Jared knows his friend's right, but maybe he's not ready to admit it yet. Maybe he just wants to take advantage of what he can get before it's all gone. "Does Chris make you happy?"
"Yeah," Chad says, and he doesn't think twice, either. "And he's happy, too. And him being happy makes me even happier."
The heat Chad's face irradiates after his words almost reaches the side of the couch where Jared's sitting at, but Jared doesn't tease him about it, because really, he can only dream of ever having that with Jensen.
"Good," he answers, and he truly means it. He's glad Chad's happy and that he's found someone who seems to be it for him. Jared's not sure if he should be still looking. "I think that's the right answer."
"Yeah." Chad watches with a slight smirk as Jared gets shot dead, then turns to his friend. "I don't think there has to be just one right answer, though."
"You shouldn't be here."
"I know."
Jared turns in his chair so that he's facing his screen again and goes back to filling in some orders, trying desperately to ignore the green eyes that are burning holes to the side of his head.
"Where's Danneel?"
He hears Jensen sigh. "I - I don't know." He pauses. "Not here."
Jared's hands drop from the keyboard to his lap and he takes a couple of deep breaths. He doesn't know what to do, how to act; he'd thought he knew, he controlled himself long enough to convince everyone all he ever wanted was to be friends with Jensen. But then Jensen fucking ruined everything by kissing him and running away.
"Why are you even here, though?" He forces himself to look at Jensen, even though his entire face is burning in both shame and anger. "You're a selfish dick. I mean, you show up at my house, you... you do what you did, and then you fucking bail? It's..."
"It's ridiculous, I know," Jensen says, running a hand through his perfectly messed up hair. "And it was stupid on my part to ever think that - fuck, Jay, I don't know." Jensen looks at him pleadingly, and Jared feels his entire resolve crumble under those eyes. "Just, let me make it up to you. What time does your shift end?"
Jensen knows that already, but Jared doesn't point that out. He wants to tell Jensen to go away, that he has plans, but the words are out of his mouth before he can think of a good excuse. "I get out at six."
"Great, I'll just - can I wait for you outside, in the car? And we can go somewhere. And, you know, talk."
Jared nods his head because it's all he's capable of doing at the moment, and Jensen lets out a sigh of relief. Jared watches him walk out, his steps steady and confident, and he feels like an idiot, because it's obvious Jensen knew Jared would cave in.
Jensen surely knows how infatuated with him Jared is - fuck, he's probably known for a while, now - and maybe what happened the last time they met was just him trying to get some proof about that. What are you talking about, Jared? I didn't kiss you, you kissed me. And dude, I'm not mad, I just don't feel that way about you, yeah? So that's why he's here? To turn this all around and make Jared look like an obsessed kid? Maybe him and Danneel can laugh about it later, can even remember the episode at the wedding as they share anecdotes that happened during the preparation of the ceremony.
As he gets in the car a few minutes later, he slams the door closed and tosses his bag in between his legs brusquely.
Jensen doesn't look surprised at his attitude. "Jay, look, I get that you're mad-"
"I bet."
"Just, hear me out, yeah?" When Jared doesn't answer, Jensen starts up the car. "Can we go back to your place? I - I got coffee for us, but I don't want to talk in the car, and we can't go to my house."
Jared doesn't even look at the Starbucks bag that Jensen's placed in the middle of them, but hearing his voice like that, weak and unsure, is already starting to ease off a bit of Jared's anger.
"We can't go back to mine, Chad's got his date over and he told me not to be there."
Jensen nods and doesn't say anything for some seconds, the engine working and vibrating beneath them the only sound breaking the silence. After a while, Jensen turns the key and the roar of the engine slowly dies.
"Coffee's probably cold now, anyway," Jensen mumbles, motioning at the Starbucks bag dejectedly before looking back down. "There's a muffin in there for you, though."
Jared is not sure how to react to that, or to his stomach's incessant turning. "Um, thanks."
Jensen lets out a bitter chuckle and runs a hand down his face with a sigh. Jared does nothing but stare at him, and he finds himself hating the way Jensen looks so worn out, so defeated by this whole thing.
"You know," he starts, causing Jensen to look back at him, "you don't have to worry about Danneel finding out, if that's what you're freaking out about. I don't kiss and tell."
"It's not," Jensen quickly answers. "Honestly, as insane as it may sound, I'm more concerned about you being mad at me than about her hearing about this."
Jared can't fight the way his lips curve upwards into a giddy, nervous smile. Jensen grins and reaches out with his left hand tentatively, almost afraid Jared's going to pull back - as if Jared was able to deny anything to Jensen with the way he's looking at him now - and brushes the hair out of Jared's face. His touch is hesitant and gentle, the warmth of his fingers spreading rapidly and reaching every corner of Jared's body.
Fuck, the idea that Jensen already knows what buttons to push to win him over make Jared feel both scared and excited at the same time.
"And just so you know," Jensen says, an amused smile dancing along his lips, "I don't usually kiss and, well, run."
Jared chuckles and Jensen watches him with a fond smile, and suddenly, it's like they're back at what they had, the good days in which they had nothing to worry about - or at least pretended they didn't. That tiny world they'd created for just the two of them, where Jensen was getting married and was okay with that, and Jared was okay with that, too.
But then Jensen's hand becomes alive against Jared's skin again, running down his cheek to take a firm grip on his neck, and Jared's laugh abruptly ends.
"We should... drive somewhere," Jared says, his voice coming out slightly breathless.
Jensen is nodding before Jared's finished saying the words. He turns on the car and pulls out of the driveway, both hands closed tightly around the wheel. Jared takes his time studying his profile, the way the sun hits his face and how it makes his freckles more visible, makes his eyelashes stand out, and his chest aches with so much attraction and want.
Jensen drives and drives until they reach a calmer area near the outskirts of the city, and he pulls up in front of a deserted park. He kills the engine, then looks at Jared with the slightest level of uncertainty in his eyes.
"Where are we?"
A lazy smirk slowly spreads along Jensen's lips. "Do we really care?"
And then he's kissing Jared again, hard and passionate and a little too much, his teeth nipping Jared's bottom lip and his tongue making its way intrusively into Jared's mouth. Jensen's hand travels up from the back of Jared's neck and tangles in Jared's hair, tugging only slightly and eliciting a moan from the two of them.
Jared lets Jensen stay in control of the kiss, and tilts his head back slightly to allow Jensen's tongue to cover every single spot inside his mouth. He tries to touch Jensen's body, but he can't reach him from his position and he lets out a low grunt in frustration, placing his right hand on top of Jensen's arm, instead.
After a while, Jensen starts slowing down until they're only sharing a small kiss, and with one final peck to Jared's lips, he pulls back. They're both breathless and panting, their lips swollen and their pants feeling a bit too tight.
Jensen's forehead falls against Jared's, one hand still cradling the back of Jared's head. "Let me take you out on a date." His voice is barely above a whisper, but there's still something pleading to his tone that makes Jared's heart skip a beat.
"We can't," he says, his own words coming out strained, wishing he could answer anything else. "I'd love to, but you know we can't."
"I know." Jensen's eyes drop closed with a sigh. "Let's just do something. No more using the dogs as an excuse, I want to come over to yours to see you."
"Are you seriously saying you were using my dogs as an excuse?" Jared asks with a small smile. "And they thought you actually cared about them. They'll be crushed."
Jensen rolls his eyes and ignores him. "I'll bring the food, and some wine, I'll take care of everything, just... please say yes."
"Of course," Jared answers, and he's not able to hold back his grin. "Is Friday good for you? I'll tell Chad not to be there."
Jensen smiles at him and kisses him shortly. "Awesome."
When Chad walks into Jared's room that Friday evening, he finds his friend going through a pile of shirts, his back still damp and his hair still dripping from his shower. Chad sits at the edge of Jared's bed with a frown.
"Why are you dressing up like that?" Jared glances at him shortly before turning back to his closet. Chad sighs. "And what the fuck's up with that stubble, you trying to look old enough for your boy?"
"Fuck off, man."
Chad's about to retort when, for his own safety and seeing the look on Jared's face, he decides to stay quiet. He watches as his friend finally goes for a light grey shirt to go with his black jeans, and starts buttoning it up.
"Seriously, is this such a big deal?" Chad insists as Jared runs a hand through his hair, then kneels down to fetch a pair of shoes. "'Cause you're looking like it may be a big deal."
Jared finally sighs and turns around to look at him. "Dude, I told you already, I don't know what the fuck this is, and you sitting there isn't making it any better."
"I'm just trying to be a supportive friend. I thought you were into this girly, let's-talk-about-our-feelings type of shit," Chad says. "So, tell me. Are you nervous? You think he's gonna try to get into your pants?"
Jared freezes in the middle of tying his right shoelaces. "No, but fuck, now I'm thinking about it. Fuck."
Chad smirks. "Relax, man."
"Relax? Dude, how can I even relax with that thought in my mind?" Jared throws at him, his hands now visibly shaking as he tries to fix his hair in front of the bathroom mirror. "You're not even supposed to be here, Chad."
Just as Jared's words leave his mouth, a knock comes from the entrance door and Jared looks at Chad with a panicked look on his face. Chad shakes his head and places both hands over Jared's shoulders.
"Pull yourself together, you pussy," he says, shoving Jared towards the bathroom so that he can finish getting ready. "I'll get the door for you."
"Hell no, don't even think about entertaining him or anything like that."
But Chad smirks and shakes his head again. "Don't worry, I've no interest in talking to your man when Chris is waiting for me back at his place," he says.
He throws one last glance at Jared, who's now hunched over the basin brushing his teeth for the fourth time, and closes the door behind him.
Jared hears the front door being opened and a short exchange between Chad and Jensen before the door is shut again and everything goes silent. With a final look at himself in the mirror, he lets out a deep breath.
"Stop being such a girl," he mutters, and then walks out of his room and into the living room.
Jensen's standing there in a white shirt and a pair of black dress pants and black tie, one hand deep down his pocket and the other holding a bag from which the most delicious smell is coming out. His whole face lights up as he sees Jared appear, and he takes his time to look at him and take him in, pulling a slight blush to Jared's cheeks.
"Wow. You look good," Jensen says.
Jared tries to hide his blush with a shrug. "So do you," he answers as he moves forward to take the bag from Jensen's hands.
"Yeah, well, just got out of the office, so it's not like I had to think much about what to wear." He helps Jared take the things to the kitchen, and only then Jared notices he's carrying a pack of beer instead of the wine he'd promised, and he feels incredibly grateful for that, because he's never been a fan of fancy wine. "Where are the dogs?"
"I thought you said this wouldn't be a dog-date," Jared says with an amused smile, but then he adds, "They're in Chad's room, sleeping. Didn't even bother waking them up."
Jensen grins at this. "Good."
As he starts emptying the bag over the counter, Jared realizes that what's inside the bag aren't take-out boxes, but plastic containers with what appears to be home-made food. He feels an unexplainable warmth spread from his stomach up to his heart.
"Did you cook this?"
Jensen's face flushes slightly, and he reaches for the boxes to prevent Jared from opening them. "I, uh... I just wasn't sure if you'd like Chinese or whatever, or any other exotic food, or just wanted a burger, so I -" he pauses with a grin. "Actually, no, that's bullshit. I wanted to do something special for you, so I cooked."
Jared smiles. "That's-"
"A very stupid move, I know, considering you're the son of an amazing cook, and you probably have great skills in the kitchen, too." Jensen says as if he's just realizing this now, but Jared shakes his head.
"Actually, I suck at cooking," he says with a shrug. "My mom tried to teach me, but I burnt everything, couldn't measure up the ingredients right..."
He trails off and Jensen's grin widens. "Not to be a dick or anything, but I'm glad to hear that you suck." Jared can't help but snort at that, and Jensen's face flushes again. "I mean at cooking! That you suck at cooking. Jesus."
"I didn't even say anything!" Jared protests, but he laughs at Jensen's expression before motioning at the boxes. "What did you cook for me, anyway?"
"There's some sandwiches, and some potato salad, and other silly things," Jensen says.
The tip of his ears are still burning red, and he's still looking unsure at his whole cooking plan, and Jared can't wrap his mind around how adorable and yet amazingly hot Jensen is. He can't be real, he thinks.
"That sounds amazing."
And it tastes amazing, too. Jared tells Jensen that as, twenty minutes later, they sit at Jared's sofa eating their dinner. There's mashed potatoes, tuna sandwiches, some tomato and lettuce salad, chicken salad - Jared's always been one for big meals, he's known to be constantly hungry, and could probably down two or three steaks like it's nothing, but he also enjoys a light meal every now and then, and Jensen's potato salad is heavenly good.
"It's my mom's recipe, I called her earlier to ask for it," Jensen says, smiling wide at the compliment. "She doesn't own anything huge like your mom does, but she should, with how she cooks."
"I bet she was amused when you asked for the recipe," Jared says, and Jensen chuckles before taking a sip of water.
"You have no idea," he answers. "She thought I was feeling sick or something, she even asked me to talk to Dani to ask her what was wrong."
Jensen's chuckling and doesn't notice the way Jared's body tenses at the mention of his soon-to-be wife. Jared knows he's being a bit selfish, he knows Jensen's in a weird situation and that he shouldn't be demanding anything from him, but he still doesn't like hearing about her. He thinks maybe he even deserves Jensen not mentioning her in their conversations.
"Sorry, I..." Jensen trails off, not knowing what to say, and the atmosphere around them suddenly turns heavy and awkward. Jared hates it, and he's about to say something so that they can move on, when Jensen speaks again. "Chad seemed to think it was pretty amusing, too. Me cooking for you."
Jared clings to the change of subject tightly, even if the last thing he wants to talk about is Chad. Well, second to last, really.
"Yeah? God, I hope he didn't say anything weird or threatening to you. He can be a bit too much, sometimes."
"Threatening? Not at all," Jensen says. "Quite the opposite, really. He even gave me this." Jensen reaches into his back pocket and pulls out, much to Jared's horror, a small, squared package that glistens under the light. "I think this is more encouraging than threatening, no?"
Jared hides his face behind his hands as he feels his cheeks heat up. "Fuck, sorry, that's just... fuck. Just, leave that somewhere around, I'll - I'll give it back to Chad when I see him again. God, sorry."
"Jay, relax," Jensen tells him with a smirk, "it's just a condom. You must've seen one of these in TV or something."
Jared narrows his eyes at him. "Ha ha, very funny. I'm not a fucking virgin," he says, and blushes immediately after.
"Oh." Jared looks up just to see Jensen's eyes darken just barely before he licks his lips and puts the condom back in his pocket. "I guess I'll just, uh, hold on to this, then."
They both turn back to their food silently, chewing slowly and not sharing more than short glances and small smiles, their faces flushed and their hearts beating rapidly. They finish dinner in silence, the atmosphere turning quiet and slightly tense, and as Jared sips the last of his beer, he looks around hopelessly trying to find something to eat, drink, or just whatever excuse to get him out of there. He finds himself hating Chad for the whole condom thing, and starts thinking ways to get back at him.
"So."
Jensen looks at him with raised eyebrows. "So?"
"This is awkward."
Something flashes in Jensen's eyes, but before Jared can say anything, Jensen speaks again, his voice low and just barely hesitant. "It doesn't have to be."
Jared's nodding, agreeing to something he proposed to himself in his mind, but apparently Jensen has the same idea, as he launches across the sofa and pins Jared down with a mind-blowing kiss.
Jared wasn't lying when he told Jensen he's not a virgin - but if Chad had been there, it'd probably turned into a discussion of what counts as real sex. Because when it comes down to it, Jared has never gone all the way with a guy. He's had all kinds of experiences with girls during high school during that time in which he was still trying to convince himself and everyone around him that he was straight. But honestly, the opportunity to fuck a dude - or the other way around, Jared's not too sure yet of what position he'd like to take - hasn't presented itself. And sex at a bathroom bar, however cool they might want to make it look at series and movies, is dirty and disgusting and really uncomfortable.
And now he's ranting inside his own head. Awesome.
He tries to explain all of this to Jensen, but he only gets a few words in before he gets distracted again with Jensen's mouth on his neck, sucking and biting, then soothing the skin with his tongue.
Still, Jensen somehow gets the message and pulls back slightly. "It's fine. We don't have to do anything you haven't done," he murmurs against Jared's skin.
And then he proceeds to blow him right there and then, and fuck, Jared has never felt anything like it. Jensen's mouth is heaven, there really is no other word to describe it. The works of his tongue and lips have Jared moaning incoherent words into the silence of the room, his head tilted back and one hand placed on the back of Jensen's head, just resting there, following Jensen's movements up and down his dick.
"Fuck, Jen." Jensen's answer is a moan that makes Jared let out a deep, extended groan.
It doesn't last too long. Jensen replaces his mouth with his hand just in time, and Jared comes with another grunt and the whisper of Jensen's name slipping through his lips. His head drops back again and his eyes fall closed, and when his mind clears from the haze, it is to feel Jensen gently licking him clean, making his dick twitch slightly in renewed interest.
Jensen chuckles at this and presses his forehead against Jared's thigh, nuzzling him softly. Jared can't resist running a hand through Jensen's hair, the motions soothing for the both of them.
After another couple of minutes, Jared manages to pull his brain back together and looks down at the other man with a grin. "Um, do you want me to..."
Jensen shakes his head with a smile. "No, I took care of it already." He smirks and tucks Jared back inside his pants, then takes his place next to him in the sofa, much closer than before and throwing an arm around Jared's shoulders. He presses his nose against Jared's ear. "Hearing you fall apart like that kind of did it for me."
"Oh." Jared feels his face heat up, and he tries to remember what exactly did he say or shout out when he came. He hopes it was nothing too embarrassing.
"You're thinking too much, I can feel it."
Jensen's mumbling against Jared's ear, and Jared can't function anymore. He can feel fingers rubbing the back of his head, running through his hair, and he forces himself to do as Jensen says and relax absolutely both body and mind.
"Maybe you could stay over tonight and we could put Chad's gift to use."
Shit. Jared's eyes snap open just as he feels Jensen's body tense up against his, and all too quickly, the hand that was stroking his skin disappears. He doesn't know what possessed him to say that, but not controlling his brain around Jensen? Probably not the best idea, then.
Fear invades Jared's stomach and his hands are suddenly shaking. He's not sure what part made Jensen's face whiten like that - after all, it was Jensen who proposed to keep the condom in the first place. As Jensen begins to stand up, however, he realizes what's wrong.
"I can't stay, you know that."
Jensen is grabbing his phone, he's looking for his keys. Jared can only stare at him, too scared, too nervous to move. "Yeah, I - it was stupid of me to say that, I don't know why I even mentioned it really. Jensen, I..."
Jensen's not listening.
He stands up and closes his left hand around Jensen's wrist. "It doesn't mean you have to leave now, though."
"Jared, look at the time, I can't..."
Jensen looks up at him, and Jared's heart stutters at the grief displayed all over Jensen's face. He raises a hand to stroke Jensen's cheek.
"Just - don't bail on me. Again."
But Jensen steps back, his eyes falling closed like the last thing he wants to do is leave, and yet he's walking towards the door, reaching blindly for the knob and then pulling it open. He doesn't look back this time, and Jared isn't sure if that's any better.
As the door shuts, Jared numbly stands there, staring at a fixed spot in the wall. His head is pounding, his eyes ache, and his entire body is trembling. He feels shattered, fucking used, and yet he's still trying to justify Jensen inside his own mind. He has no other choice, his girlfriend could get suspicious and then they would never be able to meet again.
Apparently Jensen has the ability to make him feel as young and inexperienced as ever. He hates himself because he knew, he knew from the minute he met Jensen, that Danneel would always come first, so how did he let himself be so invested on this?
Without thinking too much, he stands up and walks to Chad's bedroom. He needs some comforting, and he's getting it from whoever is closer. Harley and Sadie look up at him the moment he walks in, and almost knowingly, Sadie scoots over to leave him a free spot on the bed.
He kicks off his shoes, crawls between them and presses his face against the pillows. They smell strange, a cologne Jared's never smelled on Chad before and which undoubtedly belongs to Chris, and he feels even lonelier. His eyes sting, and he struggles against it. He won't cry, dammit - not for someone who puts him in second place, someone who keeps promising things that they both know he can't do.
As much as he tries to keep this thought in mind, though, he can't prevent a few tears from rolling down his cheeks, and he presses his face even harder against the pillow. Sensing this, Harley nudges his nose against his leg and Sadie curls closer to him.
He eventually dozes off, and only jolts awake much later, when the furry warmth of the dogs disappears and the bedroom light goes on. He can hear Chad moving around the room, can feel the same scent that's all over Chad's bed. Jared tries to stay as still as possible, tries to keep his breathing steady, to prevent his eyes from fluttering under his lids.
After a while, the light is turned off again, and the other side of the bed sinks under Chad's weight. Jared's waiting for Chad to kick him out, or to at least shove him awake so that he can get under the sheets. Instead, what he gets is a hand falling over his shoulder and squeezing once.
"I know you're awake, man, and I know you don't want to talk," Chad says, keeping his voice low, "so, whatever. You can stay, as long as you don't dream about Jensen and beat me up thinking it's him. Or worse, cuddle me. You hear me?"
Jared smiles a little but simply hums, and the hand on his shoulder disappears. He feels Chad's movements as he turns around so that they're back to back and, after that, everything is quiet again.
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