(no subject)
I'm back on Earth again. Mom could already tell I was upset about something without my even saying anything, but ... I couldn't bring myself to tell her why. Not yet. She taught me better than that. Dad and Grampa must be so disappointed in me right now.
This morning, I took the form of a hawk and flew back to my old home in the country. It's the first time I've tried changing my shape since my training with Q. It's strange, how quite and peaceful things are high in the air, where no one and nothing can touch you.
I saw Stalker Bird hanging out in a cornfield, perched on some dingy scarecrow. Probably come to laugh at me. First Nourasia, now here. I don't care anymore. Laugh all you want. Enjoy my suffering. Whatever. One of these days, I will find you, Canaletto. And I'm going to enjoy hurting you, just as you've enjoyed hurting the people I care about.
Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. Am I not supposed to have what I want, what I need? Is this why all the previous Avatars cut themselves off from their old lives? Because they knew how painful it would be to try and be both a human and a god? Because they knew that humans and gods can't coexist?
Maybe that creepy writer was right ... maybe I am tainted. And now ... I've tainted Eva, too. I wish I had never gone to Nourasia in the first place. Every time I try to help someone, it just all goes to pieces. But there's nothing I can do about that now. Can't change the past, or take back the words that were said.
I wield so much power, and yet it seems I'm always so powerless to keep myself from hurting the people I care about most.
This morning, I took the form of a hawk and flew back to my old home in the country. It's the first time I've tried changing my shape since my training with Q. It's strange, how quite and peaceful things are high in the air, where no one and nothing can touch you.
I saw Stalker Bird hanging out in a cornfield, perched on some dingy scarecrow. Probably come to laugh at me. First Nourasia, now here. I don't care anymore. Laugh all you want. Enjoy my suffering. Whatever. One of these days, I will find you, Canaletto. And I'm going to enjoy hurting you, just as you've enjoyed hurting the people I care about.
Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. Am I not supposed to have what I want, what I need? Is this why all the previous Avatars cut themselves off from their old lives? Because they knew how painful it would be to try and be both a human and a god? Because they knew that humans and gods can't coexist?
Maybe that creepy writer was right ... maybe I am tainted. And now ... I've tainted Eva, too. I wish I had never gone to Nourasia in the first place. Every time I try to help someone, it just all goes to pieces. But there's nothing I can do about that now. Can't change the past, or take back the words that were said.
I wield so much power, and yet it seems I'm always so powerless to keep myself from hurting the people I care about most.