Break Into Blossom
I am frequently amazed by the discrepancies between individuals when it comes to some of life's most substantial subjects - take love, children, occupation, education, friendship. It makes me happy to know just how intricate people really are. Nothing is the same - no mind, no fingerprint, no past, no future, no preference (in theory). Every guy I spend time with amazes me because of the individual choices he makes regarding life. I don't want to sound like I just jump from guy to guy, but moving around as much as I do, I really have no choice. Mostly because no one is either willing or able to keep up a long distance relationship. But actually, more so, because I always tend to meet these potential guys just when I am about to leave and go to wherever I have to go. Which is not to say that I don't wish I could go full force into a relationship with any one of them, but it just doesn't seem fair to them...for me to ask them to take that chance, and normally, they do not offer. But in my experience, as mentioned above, I have only found reinforcement for what I have believed for a long time. That there is not just one person for everybody. Not that if you are with someone who means the world to you and is perfect for you, he or she isn't the right person, but I think there are a lot of Mr. and Ms. Rights.
There have been about 10 men in my life that I could see myself spending forever with. And as most girls, I picture how my life would evolve with them. It's in moving around that you begin to see how very similar and different people really are. What I mean is that people will always be people no matter what geographical situation you are in. They will all exhibit the same human characteristics...like humor, sadness, anger, jealousy, envy, bitterness, ambition, hope, love, like, hate, hunger, greed, sloth, nostalgia, nerdiness, coolness, energy...so on and so forth. Some more than others, and some less. But with each characteristic comes the detail of their lives, attached ever so slightly. And thus, the pattern begins. I think that maybe it has a lot to do with growing older. In that, we begin to become more comfortable with the who we are. We pull away from the herd that has kept us feeling safe for so long...not too much like a loner and not too much like someone who wasn't informed as to what is or is not acceptable behavior, dress or taste. In this freedom we find ourselves, and we begin to like what we see. We care less about what others see, and that is when the true beauty shines. I find beauty in everyone I meet. I realize that no one (and for that matter, no man) will ever be perfectly aligned with every wish that I have. But there will be things about them that outdo those tiny annoyances, which will become things that I associate with care and familiarity because they are connected to the one I love...or like.
I miss a lot of people a lot of the time. I imagine heaven as a room full of all of the people I care about. We would sit around chatting and laughing and admiring each others souls. We would finally have time to really open up and know each other. We would put behind us the things that once separated us - forgive and forget for the stupid things we have done or said. Because in heaven, we shed our skin. And what's left is the very marrow of life. There are a lot of touches I wish I could feel. There are a thousand smiles I wish I could see, voices I wish I could hear and times I wish I could share again, right now and every day. Maybe that is why memories and nostalgia are so important. They keep preserved all of our passions in life (people, places, things, ideas) until there will be no need for preservation anymore.
"And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ~Marianna Williamson
So once again, I find myself missing someone I wish I didn't have to miss. And my heart aches...
Isn't this is a good way to explain how you feel around those certain people for whom you find yourself caring, suddenly:
"Suddenly, I realize that if I stepped out of my body I would break into blossom."
And this: how sweet:
Some Kiss We Want
Rumi
"There is some kiss we want with
our whole lives, the touch of
spirit on the body. Seawater
begs the pearl to break its shell.
And the lily, how passionately
it needs some wild darling! At
night, I open the window and ask
the moon to come and press its
face against mine, Breathe into
me. Close the language-door and
open the love-window. The moon
won't use the door, only the window."
One more:
Kindness
Naomi Shahib-Nye
Before you know what kindness really is
You must lose things,
Feel the future dissolve in a moment
Like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
What you counted and carefully saved,
All this must go so you know
How desolate the landscape can be
Between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
Thinking the bus will never stop,
The passengers eating maize and chicken
Will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
You must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
Lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
How he too was someone
Who journeyed through the night with plans
And the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
You must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
Catches the thread of all sorrows
And you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
Only kindness that ties your shoes
And sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
Only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
And then goes with you everywhere
Like a shadow or a friend.
Naomi Shihab-Nye
There have been about 10 men in my life that I could see myself spending forever with. And as most girls, I picture how my life would evolve with them. It's in moving around that you begin to see how very similar and different people really are. What I mean is that people will always be people no matter what geographical situation you are in. They will all exhibit the same human characteristics...like humor, sadness, anger, jealousy, envy, bitterness, ambition, hope, love, like, hate, hunger, greed, sloth, nostalgia, nerdiness, coolness, energy...so on and so forth. Some more than others, and some less. But with each characteristic comes the detail of their lives, attached ever so slightly. And thus, the pattern begins. I think that maybe it has a lot to do with growing older. In that, we begin to become more comfortable with the who we are. We pull away from the herd that has kept us feeling safe for so long...not too much like a loner and not too much like someone who wasn't informed as to what is or is not acceptable behavior, dress or taste. In this freedom we find ourselves, and we begin to like what we see. We care less about what others see, and that is when the true beauty shines. I find beauty in everyone I meet. I realize that no one (and for that matter, no man) will ever be perfectly aligned with every wish that I have. But there will be things about them that outdo those tiny annoyances, which will become things that I associate with care and familiarity because they are connected to the one I love...or like.
I miss a lot of people a lot of the time. I imagine heaven as a room full of all of the people I care about. We would sit around chatting and laughing and admiring each others souls. We would finally have time to really open up and know each other. We would put behind us the things that once separated us - forgive and forget for the stupid things we have done or said. Because in heaven, we shed our skin. And what's left is the very marrow of life. There are a lot of touches I wish I could feel. There are a thousand smiles I wish I could see, voices I wish I could hear and times I wish I could share again, right now and every day. Maybe that is why memories and nostalgia are so important. They keep preserved all of our passions in life (people, places, things, ideas) until there will be no need for preservation anymore.
"And as we let our own light shine, we subconsciously give other people permission to do the same." ~Marianna Williamson
So once again, I find myself missing someone I wish I didn't have to miss. And my heart aches...
Isn't this is a good way to explain how you feel around those certain people for whom you find yourself caring, suddenly:
"Suddenly, I realize that if I stepped out of my body I would break into blossom."
And this: how sweet:
Some Kiss We Want
Rumi
"There is some kiss we want with
our whole lives, the touch of
spirit on the body. Seawater
begs the pearl to break its shell.
And the lily, how passionately
it needs some wild darling! At
night, I open the window and ask
the moon to come and press its
face against mine, Breathe into
me. Close the language-door and
open the love-window. The moon
won't use the door, only the window."
One more:
Kindness
Naomi Shahib-Nye
Before you know what kindness really is
You must lose things,
Feel the future dissolve in a moment
Like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
What you counted and carefully saved,
All this must go so you know
How desolate the landscape can be
Between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
Thinking the bus will never stop,
The passengers eating maize and chicken
Will stare out the window forever.
Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,
You must travel where the Indian in a white poncho
Lies dead by the side of the road.
You must see how this could be you,
How he too was someone
Who journeyed through the night with plans
And the simple breath that kept him alive.
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
You must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
Catches the thread of all sorrows
And you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
Only kindness that ties your shoes
And sends you out into the day to mail letters and purchase bread,
Only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say
It is I you have been looking for,
And then goes with you everywhere
Like a shadow or a friend.
Naomi Shihab-Nye