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[glowstic]

the pot was sweet and smooth, lizard wisps inside my throat. the alcohol bitter, cranberry laced, a bubble breath of smoke. i walk, i am a wizard freezing time and space at once, while pixies dance and ruminate in glass bottles making memories.

I thought this would hurt more, I guess maybe I really don't have very much left anymore.It does hurt,

Comments

[thursdayfoxes]

I just feel devoid of emotion, like each feeling is laced with this crushing indifference, shielding me from experiencing anything too painful. I just want to get through this year so I can start again next year, and if I have to relinquish my control on the vivid and beautiful emotions in which I would once seek solace, or lose myself in routine activities just to do it, then I will. I'm sorry that it hurts, I never intended it to.

and, jftr, I think smoking pot is wonderful. I always feel so warm and content.

[glowstic]

i just meant to remind you that you have me, even if i mean nothing to you, even if you have no emotion. i would hope that would be one small comfort, since you seem to have little else to comfort you. i care, to say the least. what's happened to you, a? i haven't heard from you in months. ghostblossom@live.com-->i am always here.

and it was wonderful. it was my first time, oh it was lovely. i felt very warm.

[thursdayfoxes]

I don't know what's happened to me. mostly, I've just ran away from everything and everyone for a little while, just to clear my head and start again.
you could never mean nothing to me, k, never, ever. how are you?

[glowstic]

i miss you, first of all.
i'm all right, i guess. hanging in there. trying to deal with this new body of mine and trying to lose weight at the same time. it's very frusterating. i think i'm also sexually frusterated, ha. but that came to me in a dream last night. it's summer so i don't have much to do. i am both happy and sad at the same time, and im still trying to figure out how that could be.

[glowstic]

and i'm in slight shock over patd. for another thing.

[thursdayfoxes]

oh, sexually frustrated? I can relate, but only because I'm so needy, not because I'm lacking in sexual encounters.
you have no idea how proud I am and how happy it makes me that you are recovering. relapse, second thoughts, doubts, whatever, you're still trying and that's what counts.
it's winter here so I spend most of my time in tights and sweaters, curled up with rhiannon in bed or smoking in the rain.

I am devestated about panic. I can't even begin to explain my sorrow, and I've been in mourning since I found out, playing fever on repeat.

[glowstic]

thank you, baby. your faith means so much to me. i love how when it's summer here, it's winter there. it always seems so unreal to me.
i went for a run today and listened to panic almost the entire time.
my incredulity hasn't passed yet, and the sorrow, so well--i know.