Apr 10, 2009 00:23
Note to self: This entry is public because I want to call the pervert out by name
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mark,
diapers,
hoping i don't sound terrible,
weed,
gretchen,
not allowed to break up,
writing,
angela berkley,
killers,
notes to self,
hot chocolate,
jan vermeer,
facebook quizzes,
stable,
world,
bambara,
paul,
deep,
wrathchild,
wood,
reliable,
hi,
brats,
transformers,
bingo,
stupid repeating tv commercials,
steve l.,
jake,
forgetting to share things,
sparkle and shine,
lord,
etherkiller,
shit,
stanley kubrick,
leah patrick,
dirt,
proving stuff remarkably,
calendars,
concerts,
the public entry,
logan,
william,
inexpensive dollar store gifts,
slowing down for a while,
public posts,
nuggets,
shows,
vancouver,
chocolate,
low rider,
nancy,
britney spears,
shocking darren,
stoners,
welfy,
munchies,
mondo gelato,
baskin robbins,
eating,
sue grafton,
lynyrd skynyrd,
tim,
beauty tips,
fares,
anne,
withered roses,
private,
vivian s.,
grace,
1998,
fire,
stupid puns,
don,
fuck,
sharks,
manchester,
axes,
deficit,
poo,
half milk coffee,
naked,
2009,
missing his own farewell,
walking upon raging sea,
not needing more weirdos,
things are slowly coming together,
trust,
water,
crunchy skulls are not potatoes,
after eight white chocolate mint wafers,
page-a-day,
corey,
china,
corsets,
jokers,
battleaxe,
drugs,
winning,
blocking,
the life aquatic,
metal,
drinks,
abuse,
carrie underwood,
poland,
insane,
public,
getting back from the airport,
jack sparrow,
sounds,
good,
suggestions,
perverts,
revenge,
creeps,
elements,
yogaclass4cats,
ethereal wires and cables,
new microwave,
ereomega,
hot,
sex,
loyal,
trustworthiness,
wind,
alice,
pei lyn,
upset,
hooks,
positions,
going downstairs,
swahili,
stunned fish,
anti-counterfeiting measures,
crazy,
being the opposite sex,
malaysia,
kelly,
earth,
warming up to people,
milo,
wordscraper,
nobody else can shake it,
good friday,
getting erased,
highly inappropriate thoughts,
underwear,
the queen of france,
shelley,
stuff not available in singapore,
that smell
I have two relatively sane nearly adult children. I was not going to ever reproduce because I didn't want to break anyone the way I had been broken. I have succeeded in finding better parenting models though.
One thing that really helped was the book: "How to Avoid Your Parents' Mistakes When You Raise Your Children" by Claudette Wassil-Grim. If you can get a hold of it, I highly recommend. Even if you choose never to become a parent.
From what I see, your parents were much more physically brutal than mine. My mother specialized in verbal and emotional abuse, management through fear, and the 'I didn't do that. You imagined it.' kind of mind games.
My brother and I grew up with our mother treated our successes as her own, but all of our failures were due to our shortcomings. When she called us stupid and lazy and hopeless, it was for our own good.
I think you can relate.
Also my parents both smoked, and I was constantly sick - just to inconvenience my mother. She could never see any connection between the constant exposure and my never-ending cycle of colds, runny noses, ear infections, bronchitis, throat infections.... Rather it was me choosing to be 'spleeny' and 'difficult'.
She seemed to believe the smoking was harmless even while it was killing my father, and right up to the time when she died of cancer.
Reply
I have no children since I don't ever want to reproduce and make unwitting mistakes. Thanks for the book recommendation; since I like to read, it'll be a good one for the collection!
Yeah, I can relate. My mom still does the same thing... and says that she's always been good, and I was always difficult. Ugh.
Reply
For me, the biggest thing was realizing that the way I was brought up wasn't appropriate or right. I managed to end up with a spouse whose family is supportive, positive, and loving.
The next thing was having other people validate the way I felt. I had been surrounded by my mother's family, all of whom thought my mother was the greatest person in the world. As the truth has come out, some of them have even apologized for never having intervened, especially when she was diagnosed with a mental illness and refused help and medication.
Eventually, and luckily before she died, I was able to walk out on her after saying to her that I refused to be spoken to the way she had been. That was so huge!
Reply
I realized this for myself a few years ago, and some people have validated me. (my mother would say that since everyone loves her, I must be wrong... bleh) Is it any wonder I don't want to wish her a Happy Mother's Day? :P
You should see this entry.
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