Start and FINISH the entry to-day
I have a few entries I began the past two months and was interrupted, in some way, by people popping into my cube during my lunch break (if I can even take one) or my emotions leaving me/flooding into me, making it impossible to string together thoughts and update lj on this truly crazy autumn, vibrant with anxiety and slight depression and elation and feelings of quiet neglect. I need to elaborate.
Some major events that occurred:
1. A girl I work with died. She had lupus, so we all assumed that was the cause. She left work on Friday, had a seemingly normal weekend in the city with her friends and called out of work on Monday (which was very abnormal; she is very dedicated to her job as a Food Service developer). Tuesday morning she did not make it into work, but did not call either. I guess this was a red flag and someone went to check on her. They found her dead in her apartment. The truth came out a few days later: she killed herself. Evidently having lupus plus two terminally ill parents (cancer and MS) plus soon moving from your South Philly apartment you lived in for 10 years to LANCASTER...AMISH VILLE...was a lot. She was moving in order to help her parents. But Lancaster, PA is about 1.5 hours from Philadelphia. That's a very far drive to work, which is right over the bridge in Camden. That is also such a significant distance from all of your friends and very far from everything that made you very happy. I'm speculating, but I'm sure those were factors. The heaviness I feel when thinking about this isn't due to not seeing her anymore (regardless of how sweet she was), it's just another reminder that tomorrow could be it. TO-DAY could be it. Not just for me, but for my mom or dad. Or Paula! And that's frightening.
2. Lay-offs in R&D. I'm not going to get too much into it, because honestly, lay-off monologs are boring unless you know who I am talking about. Basically two people were let go in my group (although, according to some, there were solid reasons for their dismissal), so the monster work load is now the size of Godzilla and I sincerely don't know how I scale my responsibilities each week. I'm waiting for a lull, but that just won't happen anymore. Charis isn't returning until after the new year (she's still on disability for a severe Lumbar injury), so there are just three of us doing work on these post-developed formulas. Yet the amount has increased. I don't make it home until 730 on most nights and I rarely take lunch breaks anymore. But this isn't something that's special to me or my group. All groups are affected in similar ways. Packaging (Rick's department) is struggling. Government Affairs (they work on all the labels and communicate shit to the FDA/USDA) are here from 730a to after I leave around 7. That's unacceptable. And all formulas are RUSH RUSH RUSH, but how can you rush with all of them? Some folks in Gov. Affairs and Packaging have said, in response to the leadership team saying they need to hire more people again (WHAT??), is: "you should have thought about that before you let go of so many knowledgable people." It's disgraceful, really. Less than a month after the lay-off (which cut about 35% of R&D), they suddenly realize the rotten fruits of their labor and want to have open positions again?? Enough. I'm thankful for my job, but have grown disillusioned. Many have.
3. My new pup, WALTER! He's such a wonderful addition to my life. Regardless of the tough time he had potty training and the marking in the house, he is now well into understanding where and where not to do his business. Things that need to be ironed out are: stop jumping on people, walking on a leash, coming back inside when I tell him to and not barking endlessly when he's playing. Other than those things, he's such a good boy. He loves all dogs and really enjoyed my sister's cats. Especially Paul. Piper didn't like Walter's overwhelming way of making friends (i.e. running after you and jumping on your back), but Paul minded only slightly. While Piper hissed a lot, Paul approached Walter with care and pretty much peaced out after realizing that Walter wouldn't calm the hell down. He even batted him on the snout a few times, but with claws in. He didn't hiss once. Such a special cat. Walter lost interest after he realized the cats wouldn't tolerate him, so he focused on people and going outside and napping. Rick had a very difficult time with Walter, initially. Mostly because he was home alone with him during the work day and felt I wasn't pulling my weight by coming home late from work (I had little choice, although I did go to the gym each night for 50 minutes). The real issue was that Walter is more of an independent breed than other dogs. He takes a lot of patience and consistency. It's really paying off, but not before Rick threatened to return him to Michigan whence he came. I was startled and cried out: "NO. He's MY dog. If you don't want him because of him being a puppy, then I will take him to my parents' house and he will live there." My dad even said that he would take Walter in a second if Rick were ever serious about his dramatic reaction to a dog peeing in the house. I will discuss in friend's only entry what's going on with the Rick + Walter + me combo, but until then...pictures!
We took Walter to my parents' house to meet my sister and cousin. He loved running around in their huge backyard. He's very good with being off the leash and not running off. I think he just loves people so much that he prefers us to squirrels or that road off in the distance.
He was putting up a very small fuss over how long it took me to take the picture:
Paula showing me how to use her camera. Haha. Oh, and I love that damn coat. She's very pregnant, by the way. You wouldn't know it unless you saw her belly!
There was a lot of this:
My cousin loves him and bought him all of these amazing pastry-themed treats, plus a great chew toy he adores.
Softs.
I actually tried that dog cannoli. It was relatively sweet! I understand why Walter really enjoyed it.
For Thanksgiving, we went to my sister's place in Ocean City, NJ. It was beautiful and cold out. Dad, Rick and I wanted Walter to experience running on the sand. He loved it! He even met another puppy who was a complete bitch to him. Walter didn't even mind, because he truly just loves.
He's gotten so big!
Few things are better than a desolate beach during the winter.
Dad!
This is pretty much what their relationship was like: tolerant Paul and overly playful Walter.
Haha
We take him to parks in center city, which he loves. He gets to play with other dogs and people just DOTE on him.
Walter doesn't like car rides yet, so he needs to be as close to us as possible.
So there are a million other Walter photos, but you get the idea. I have an adorable baby dog, who I love, and I'm so happy we made the decision to get him.
On another note, I've been going to the gym 5-6 days a week and doing a solid 50-60 minutes of cardio. Plus adding in some weights or weight machines. It's good. Paula said I lost about 15 pounds since the summer. I didn't realize, because I have a warped view of myself, but I do wear smaller pants and my dresses are comfortably loose on me. My face is slimmer and I feel I'm overall stronger. I like how I look naked, which is such a feat. I can walk around the apartment naked with or without Rick around and that's really incredible. I've had such mixed feelings concerning some parts of my body, which have never been grounded in reality, but felt so real to me. They seem to be disappearing and I definitely beam with confidence, cautiously. I'm very happy with nearly 30-year-old me.
Some major events that occurred:
1. A girl I work with died. She had lupus, so we all assumed that was the cause. She left work on Friday, had a seemingly normal weekend in the city with her friends and called out of work on Monday (which was very abnormal; she is very dedicated to her job as a Food Service developer). Tuesday morning she did not make it into work, but did not call either. I guess this was a red flag and someone went to check on her. They found her dead in her apartment. The truth came out a few days later: she killed herself. Evidently having lupus plus two terminally ill parents (cancer and MS) plus soon moving from your South Philly apartment you lived in for 10 years to LANCASTER...AMISH VILLE...was a lot. She was moving in order to help her parents. But Lancaster, PA is about 1.5 hours from Philadelphia. That's a very far drive to work, which is right over the bridge in Camden. That is also such a significant distance from all of your friends and very far from everything that made you very happy. I'm speculating, but I'm sure those were factors. The heaviness I feel when thinking about this isn't due to not seeing her anymore (regardless of how sweet she was), it's just another reminder that tomorrow could be it. TO-DAY could be it. Not just for me, but for my mom or dad. Or Paula! And that's frightening.
2. Lay-offs in R&D. I'm not going to get too much into it, because honestly, lay-off monologs are boring unless you know who I am talking about. Basically two people were let go in my group (although, according to some, there were solid reasons for their dismissal), so the monster work load is now the size of Godzilla and I sincerely don't know how I scale my responsibilities each week. I'm waiting for a lull, but that just won't happen anymore. Charis isn't returning until after the new year (she's still on disability for a severe Lumbar injury), so there are just three of us doing work on these post-developed formulas. Yet the amount has increased. I don't make it home until 730 on most nights and I rarely take lunch breaks anymore. But this isn't something that's special to me or my group. All groups are affected in similar ways. Packaging (Rick's department) is struggling. Government Affairs (they work on all the labels and communicate shit to the FDA/USDA) are here from 730a to after I leave around 7. That's unacceptable. And all formulas are RUSH RUSH RUSH, but how can you rush with all of them? Some folks in Gov. Affairs and Packaging have said, in response to the leadership team saying they need to hire more people again (WHAT??), is: "you should have thought about that before you let go of so many knowledgable people." It's disgraceful, really. Less than a month after the lay-off (which cut about 35% of R&D), they suddenly realize the rotten fruits of their labor and want to have open positions again?? Enough. I'm thankful for my job, but have grown disillusioned. Many have.
3. My new pup, WALTER! He's such a wonderful addition to my life. Regardless of the tough time he had potty training and the marking in the house, he is now well into understanding where and where not to do his business. Things that need to be ironed out are: stop jumping on people, walking on a leash, coming back inside when I tell him to and not barking endlessly when he's playing. Other than those things, he's such a good boy. He loves all dogs and really enjoyed my sister's cats. Especially Paul. Piper didn't like Walter's overwhelming way of making friends (i.e. running after you and jumping on your back), but Paul minded only slightly. While Piper hissed a lot, Paul approached Walter with care and pretty much peaced out after realizing that Walter wouldn't calm the hell down. He even batted him on the snout a few times, but with claws in. He didn't hiss once. Such a special cat. Walter lost interest after he realized the cats wouldn't tolerate him, so he focused on people and going outside and napping. Rick had a very difficult time with Walter, initially. Mostly because he was home alone with him during the work day and felt I wasn't pulling my weight by coming home late from work (I had little choice, although I did go to the gym each night for 50 minutes). The real issue was that Walter is more of an independent breed than other dogs. He takes a lot of patience and consistency. It's really paying off, but not before Rick threatened to return him to Michigan whence he came. I was startled and cried out: "NO. He's MY dog. If you don't want him because of him being a puppy, then I will take him to my parents' house and he will live there." My dad even said that he would take Walter in a second if Rick were ever serious about his dramatic reaction to a dog peeing in the house. I will discuss in friend's only entry what's going on with the Rick + Walter + me combo, but until then...pictures!
We took Walter to my parents' house to meet my sister and cousin. He loved running around in their huge backyard. He's very good with being off the leash and not running off. I think he just loves people so much that he prefers us to squirrels or that road off in the distance.
He was putting up a very small fuss over how long it took me to take the picture:
Paula showing me how to use her camera. Haha. Oh, and I love that damn coat. She's very pregnant, by the way. You wouldn't know it unless you saw her belly!
There was a lot of this:
My cousin loves him and bought him all of these amazing pastry-themed treats, plus a great chew toy he adores.
Softs.
I actually tried that dog cannoli. It was relatively sweet! I understand why Walter really enjoyed it.
For Thanksgiving, we went to my sister's place in Ocean City, NJ. It was beautiful and cold out. Dad, Rick and I wanted Walter to experience running on the sand. He loved it! He even met another puppy who was a complete bitch to him. Walter didn't even mind, because he truly just loves.
He's gotten so big!
Few things are better than a desolate beach during the winter.
Dad!
This is pretty much what their relationship was like: tolerant Paul and overly playful Walter.
Haha
Click to viewWe take him to parks in center city, which he loves. He gets to play with other dogs and people just DOTE on him.
Walter doesn't like car rides yet, so he needs to be as close to us as possible.
So there are a million other Walter photos, but you get the idea. I have an adorable baby dog, who I love, and I'm so happy we made the decision to get him.
On another note, I've been going to the gym 5-6 days a week and doing a solid 50-60 minutes of cardio. Plus adding in some weights or weight machines. It's good. Paula said I lost about 15 pounds since the summer. I didn't realize, because I have a warped view of myself, but I do wear smaller pants and my dresses are comfortably loose on me. My face is slimmer and I feel I'm overall stronger. I like how I look naked, which is such a feat. I can walk around the apartment naked with or without Rick around and that's really incredible. I've had such mixed feelings concerning some parts of my body, which have never been grounded in reality, but felt so real to me. They seem to be disappearing and I definitely beam with confidence, cautiously. I'm very happy with nearly 30-year-old me.