Pillow Talk: Too Risky for The Student Printz
I have a great many good and close friends. Many of my friends tell me that they enjoy reading Pillow Talk. Some of my friends are even writers and journalists. For all of these friends here's a little news of mine.
At 4:21pm Wednesday while I was packing for my five o'clock class, I received a call from the executive editor of the Student Printz that she had just read the article I submitted Sunday evening.
I was told about the concern the editors had and that they felt it was too risky an article for print. I suggested that the line about lawyers and names be removed but that suggestion was shot down. It was just not enough. Because I had no time to re-edit my article I was given the choice of either allowing the editors to re-write the article so that it no longer contained any hint of celebrities and simply STD statistics for college students or not have the article printed.
I chose the latter.
This is the article that was too offensive for print according to the editors of The Student Printz.
Panties in a Twist?
By Glory Fink
I keep hearing about three pop tarts who don’t come in boxes and aren’t necessarily sweet. You know who they are. You can hardly turn on the news these days without hearing about these bad girls. It seems that everyone has an opinion about the frequency these girls have sex.
First, let me confess that all I know about celebrities I learned from “The Soup” on TV and “OK! Magazine” at the beauty shop. I’m not a statistician. Therefore, my statistics are gleaned from the CDC (Centers for Disease Control).
Your Mini History Lesson
Do you remember Henry VIII with all those wives he married and beheaded. Well, it turns out he had syphilis. His second daughter, Queen Elizabeth I, was born with congenital (secondary) syphilis, which made her infertile (did you really think she was a virgin all those years).
The Subjects
For the sake of Britney, Paris and Lindsey’s lawyers please know that I would never write about your clients in any negative light. Since discretion is the better part of valor, let us valiantly assume we have three anonymous female subjects who engage in high risk behavior associated with drugs, alcohol and sex: “Ms. L,” “Ms P” and “Ms B.” They are all in their 20's and white.
“Ms. L,” 21, has had multiple car accidents and narcotics were found in her car. She’s also been in multiple rehab facilities but hasn’t found one that actually works for her.
“Ms. P” is 26, has DUIs along with other vehicle mishaps on her record, and even served time in jail. We shudder to think what her series of Chihuahuas have endured under her care.
The last is “Ms. B” who is 25. Although she’s been through rehab, she had a meltdown in the middle of her first interview after she finished. At this point, her singing career is on the rocks, to say the least.
The STDs
Because Ms. L is 21, she has a greater chance of getting chlamydia--the most common, curable STD. Her chances are around 10%. Because Misses. P and B are five years older than Ms. L and, if they haven’t already contracted chlamydia, they have only five percent chance of getting it.
Because all our subjects are white, they have a much lower chance of getting gonorrhea or syphilis than their Hispanic and Black counterparts, I’m sorry to report. Misses L, P, and B should still be tested for these STDs if they are having all the unprotected sex the media is reporting. Gonorrhea usually has no symptoms in women and untreated syphilis will kill you if the heart disease, blindness, and insanity don’t get you first.
All three of our subjects should get the HPV vaccine since about 15% of women ages 15-49 are currently infected. This virus can cause genital warts and cervical cancer. Remember that about 75% of Americans have already been infected at one time or another through sexual activity.
Genital herpes won’t kill you; it just keeps on giving until you die of something else. It will give you painful ulcers in your favorite pleasure zone and is highly contagious. There’s a one in four chance for women getting it.
In a Nutshell
My advice to Misses L, P, and B is:
- Avoid one night stands and anonymous sex.
- Always use a condom (you might be faithful, but 60% of men and 40% of women cheat in or out of marriage).
- Stay away from drugs and alcohol especially intravenous drugs.
- ALWAYS use protection, doubly so if you are having sex with a man who might have had sex with other men even if he’s “straight”.
- Wear panties when you go out. Hookers don’t wear panties when they are working. You’re not hooking, are you?
· Be safe.
· Be happy.
· Keep condoms handy--cause ya never know.
Comments and suggestions are always appreciated. Send your emails to glory@askglory.com or printz@usm.edu with "Attention: Glory" in the subject line.