so much time, so little to say... damn.
im out of school. all i have left is graduation. then its done. i have to get my shit together. figure out what the fuck my life is gonna be. people tell me not to worry about it, but those who know me well, know that i cant help but think about my future. its a problem i have. i dont really live in the moment im in... im constantly looking forward to the next thing. perhaps thats why im never really ever happy with where i am. i hate that my parents expect so much from me, but i think secretly expect me to fail at them. they tell me they are just as worried as i am that i will end up on the streets some day. comforting, i know. im reaching panic mode, where i cant even think about the future like i used to, because its actually here and i really do fear there is nothing there. nothing different than what i have. a room in my parents house and a job at a tanning bed that could fall through whenever dawn feels like it. i keep going in and out of the "i quit" phase, where i just want to quit my life. not kill myself or anything that extreme... just avoid dealing with it. just quit. its like when you are in a job that you hate, and you really want to quit.... but you cant. but whatever. im a fucking depressed dork on this thing. rawr.
today i came to a realization.... not only do i THINK im fat... i really AM. that fuckin sucks. Alex - thanks for not mentioning to me that you thought i was a chunker. i knew you were thinking it, but not saying something is cool. fuck. tis all. later.
today i came to a realization.... not only do i THINK im fat... i really AM. that fuckin sucks. Alex - thanks for not mentioning to me that you thought i was a chunker. i knew you were thinking it, but not saying something is cool. fuck. tis all. later.