Great, a Double Whammy

[glory_us_angel]

So remember me telling you that colon cancer and Chron's disease runs on one side of my father's family?  Well, I found out yesterday that it runs in both.  Apparently my grandfather's mother died of colon cancer and I have another second cousin on that side of the family who has Chron's.  Talk about a double whammy.  I doubt I have anything so severe, but it still is enough to make one nervous (which apparently exacerbates the kinds of problems I've been having).  I go in for my procedure bright and early Wednesday morning.  I have to start prepping for it tomorrow...I don't get to eat.  I'm going to be the world's biggest bitch.  You don't keep me from my food...bad things happen.  I'd make the world's worst anorexic.  But apparently my entire family (or at least it seems like), has the idea they're going to be there.  I'm thrilled to death at the display of concern my family is showing, but seriously?  It's not that big a deal.  I'm sure my grandfather is really concerned because of the history in his family and the passing of my grandmother this last spring (they were both divorced and remarried to others, but her death still hit him really hard...understandably so when you look at it from the view of how many years they were married and the fact that she was the mother of his children, etc).  But he's in the middle of fighting off pneumonia, so I really wish he would just take it easy and concentrate on himself.  It's not like I'm dying or anything.  I'm sure his pneumonia is far more potentially fatal than any hereditary disease I may or may not have.  And as much as I know this procedure isn't really that big of a deal, I'm still really nervous and anxious about it.  What might they find?  My symptoms have diminished since I went to my regular doctor a couple of weeks ago, so what might they not find?  My grandmother was in and out of doctors getting repeated tests over the course of 6 years, and they never could figure out what was wrong with her until it was far too late.  Knowing this makes me really nervous.  I wish I could've just gone in when I knew I was experiencing all of my symptoms.  They've been coming and going since last August (at least that's when I recognized it), but this past month has been more chronic.  Now that my symptoms aren't near as frequently occurring, will they be able to find a cause for anything?  Is there really anything to be worrying about in the first place?  I wish I could just sit back and say "what will be will be."  The rational side of my personality recognizes this.  The side prone to anxiety is in a tizzy.  An older lady who was helping us out at our garage sale told me she had been diagnosed with IBS when she was younger.  The doctor explained to her that her problems where emotionally based and that she had to get control of her emotions for her symptoms to resolve themselves.  As most of you who read my blog know, I'm an emotional person.  I don't know how to control them.  Lord knows I wish I did...but I seem incapable.  It all boils down to stress.  I hope everything goes well when they put me under...

In other news, I cleaned my bathroom last night.  Now I can't find my toothpaste, dammit!