Apr 11, 2005 22:32
ok i lied, another non poetic entry.
these past few days ive been thinking so much. this is the worst week i have ever experienced and i would gladly trade places with either of those boys if it meant that the people that i see sad now, became happy again. i wish i could just take this all back. its not fucking fair to anyone.
one of the things that is hurting me the most is seeing gina this way. i cant fucking take it, its so upsetting. i feel like im such a horrible friend because i cant possibly make her feel any better. and that fucking kills me. i just wish more than anything that she wasnt affected by anything that just happenned. i would do anything for her, and i mean that, and now when anything that i do just isnt good enough, i feel so useless. what good is a boyfriend if he cant make you smile. its almost as if a huge weight has been put on me, and no matter how hard i try i cant shed it. i really need to help her, i just wish i knew how. her away message was just truly heartbroken, and even that makes me want to break down. this week really made me realize how much i really do love her, not that i didnt before. words cant even describe what im feeling towards her right now, its so much sympathy and love and empathy all rolled into one. if you read this just know, even though though these words seem so empty and meaningless, im here for you.