do u ever wonder???
well where should i start.Okay i got the job at walgreen's . everything is going ok. my girl drea got fired that sucks cuz she got me that spot. I moves out! Can you believe it. SHawn and i are no longer living together, sometimes it get hard and i wish that we were still living together but i know that it's for that best. umm...I'm talking to ELton. which is not working too well in my eyes so im just trying to let him down easily. or either work it out and not give up! it's krazi! well as usual the urge that i fight must LESBIANISM is bothering me. becuz it's like i want to so bad. but i can't just trying to make it over this hump. it's so hard. sometimes i wonder why do i try so hard becuz it hurts to try. that's my comfortable stage. and i wish iwere there so bad but i know that it's not the best place to be!!! someone please help!!!! it's krazy cuz i feel like a broken record. and i want to talk to someone about it but i know Shawn is tired of hearing my story so i try my best not to bring it up. i think i really need a shrink. becuz the hardest part is the fact that im so attracted to women. i can't help but to look when i see a beautiful woman! it's like whoa! but i try to contain myself by not doing so. im fighting it. for real! i wish i could have a drink cuz i need something to else my mind. but yes i stopped that too!! so im also trying my best not to do that. OMG!!!! im screaming on the inside! im trying to find contentment in my life and it's not going too well. i mean im content with certain things. but im not complete. i need completion in my life. what do i do? which way do i turn? im trying my best not to fall back. and it;s so hard. i can't even stay in my apt too long by myself lately cuz i want to pick up that phone and call somebody oh by the way i deleted all of the numbers of people i know that r gay or bi out of my phone. so that would lead me to call the chat lines to talk to someone.but im not trying to do that too! i just wan tsomeone who will appreciate me. someone who enjoy the things i like. i miss the company i miss feeling love and know that im loved ! wow i can go on and on. i mean i wish i had me a wifey that take care of tha house kep eveything up and running and just let me pay that bills. she can work if she want but i'll do the most.basically like RAY-J day play house. well anyway it's getting late my feet and hands are freezing and i need to finish cleaning my house so i'll holla back tomorrow