shipwreck.
it doesn't seem like i'll ever make a "before the morning after" because i suck and crack only decides to wedge its way inside of my brain for about a half of a second before angst wants its spot back. i am never promising sequels again...
the super junior generator is calling to me though but i will not promise anything. i'm kind of wanting to write a pwp and i got a nice shi won/ee teuk prompt that i am itching to write and i am rambling D:
shipwreck.
pairing: kang in/ee teuk
rating/genre: pg-13? r-ish? angst with a tiny bit of hope
notes: firstly, i miss kangteuk fics :( secondly, i started writing this maybe half a year ago. i found it again yesterday and didn't want to leave it the way it was. i switched around some parts and rewrote things and i kind of like it but i'm still feeling really weird about it. i don't think i like anything i write so i will just shut up now.
today just felt like it would be a good day to go visit, a container of chinese food in one hand and two bottles of soda in the other as park jung su walks up the steps to the mbc building. a familiar face walks out as ee teuk goes to walk in(giving a smile that does not smile back at him); bloodshot eyes and a simple bow are all he is greeted with before the younger man decides to lead him over to a park bench away from the crowded walkway and ee teuk empties the contents of the container there carefully, handing kang in a soda bottle.
"hyung, how do you always know when something is wrong with me?"
"i just guessed that you must be hungry, you look like you haven't eaten in weeks," kang in stares at the food in silence for a moment before looking over at ee teuk. he chooses not to say anything about how he could feel the ridges in ee teuk's spine when he led him over to the bench, nor does he comment on the hollowed smile and bags under the pretty man's eyes.
"...you live in america, hyung," kang in whispers softly, almost threateningly. "i haven't seen your face for a year and now you come in at a time like this? with chinese food?"
"i thought you liked chinese food," ee teuk pouts, crossing one leg over the other with a sigh in feigned disappointment, tilting his head just so. sunlight peeks through his thick eyelashes, streaming down over auburn hair that has grown out past his shoulders. kang in begins to wonder if he can remember how ee teuk used to taste.
"you know, kang in-ah, i was writing a song yesterday when something came to my attention in the middle of writing and it affected me so greatly that i couldn't finish writing. it was about a boy who was in love and he thought that his love was like a song- his favorite song... like when heechul would listen to that 'tell me' song by the wonder girls and how ecstatic he would be when he would hear it. do you remember that?"
"mm," kang in replies between chews, having now picked up a container of chicken fried rice. it almost feels right to go back into the routine they used to have(conversations over dinner that usually ended up with ee teuk being philosophical and kang in hanging on his every word but pretending not to care at all).
"a favorite song that he kept on repeat for hours on end and even when he wasn't listening to it, he could still hear it in his mind. a lot like the name of the person he loved- he felt their name with every breath and it was wedged between every thought. their voice was something that stayed on his mind until he fell asleep at night and it was back again when he woke up in the morning... it got to there and i had to put down my pen."
"why?"
"heechul soon grew tired of the his favorite song being played wherever he went. he didn't want to hear it anymore," ee teuk looks over at kang in's perplexed expression, smiling faintly at the bits of rice on his face. "he found a new favorite song... he fell in love with another song."
"what does heechul have to do with anything?"
"let me go, kang in-ah. find another song to sing and another name to whisper as you sleep. you have a beautiful girlfriend-"
"hyung, you came to see me."
kang in smokes out on the balcony of ee teuk's hotel room and the older of the two doesn't have the heart to tell him not to. he's skinnier than ee teuk remembered, more muscular too. his jaw line is most defined in the moon light, smoke floating up above his head and into the night sky in ghostly shades of white. ee teuk's blanket isn't thick enough to keep him warm out here- not that he minds or anything because he likes the seoul air sending tremors down his spine reminding him of what he's lost. it's stunning just how quickly all the memories pull themselves together behind his eyelids and ee teuk doesn't remember being lifted up and pulled into kang in's lap, traces of cigarette smoke heavy in the air.
"teukie hyung, you don't have the burden of being a leader on your shoulders anymore- relax, huh," kang in speaks softly, curling his arms around the other man and breathing a sigh of relief when he feels the body relax back against his own.
he wants to tell ee teuk that he saw him break down in the airport that day. he wants to tell ee teuk that he wishes he could rewrite their endings and smooth out the edges with 'once upon a time' and 'happily ever after'. he wants to tell ee teuk that he misses groggy dimpled smiles when he wakes up in the morning. he wants to tell ee teuk that he misses him. there are so many other things kang in wants to say but he doesn't. somehow their fingers fit together, lacing underneath the blanket, and kang in finds that he doesn't need to say anything at all.
he watches in silence as ee teuk turns on the faucet, only turning it off when the water is filled up to the brim in the tub before dropping his phone with a soft plunk. it sinks to the bottom before surfacing upside down, cutting all ties with everyone that's ever done him wrong.
"that won't fix shit," kang in says after a moment as they watch the tiny shipwreck bob about.
"it's a start," ee teuk mumbles as he folds his arms over his chest. "don't you want to do it too?"
kang in fingers his phone for a moment before dropping his hand down by his side, chewing on his bottom lip as he speaks again, "it won't fix anything."
they make love on the floor by the fireplace that night. it's not as cheesy as the words make it out to be but it's not fucking. it never was fucking but it was always rushed. they had to keep quiet so that no one would know even though it would ache the next morning(with disappointment because it "wasn't supposed to be like this"). kang in's hands trace the contours of the smaller man's spine as arms curve around his neck and they kiss for what seems like hours because they know they have all of the time in the world.
ee teuk does cry, but only because he's never felt anything so real in his life(and he's torn between pushing the raven haired boy away and pulling him that much closer). he doesn't have to bite down on a pillow or feel like his whole world will turn upside down if someone opens the door. he feels so relieved and it washes over him like rain while kang in dots kisses against the side of his neck, begging him not to cry with soft words trickling over his skin and ee teuk doesn't think he knows how to stop.
"you still cry too much," kang in's voice is raspy as ee teuk traces patterns over his chest, looking into the fire that has long since gone out. "it's almost like nothing has changed." everything has changed, ee teuk thinks and almost says, but kang in's phone vibrates from the coffee table and he feels the bile rising his throat.
"it's her, kang in-ah."
"i know," he replies, the dull rattling against the table making his stomach churn as well.
kang in's phone cuts like a blade through the placid water, smashing at the bottom and floating to the top in fragments, swarming around and sticking to the fading cloud covered vessel as the ripples in the water slowly commence.
the super junior generator is calling to me though but i will not promise anything. i'm kind of wanting to write a pwp and i got a nice shi won/ee teuk prompt that i am itching to write and i am rambling D:
shipwreck.
pairing: kang in/ee teuk
rating/genre: pg-13? r-ish? angst with a tiny bit of hope
notes: firstly, i miss kangteuk fics :( secondly, i started writing this maybe half a year ago. i found it again yesterday and didn't want to leave it the way it was. i switched around some parts and rewrote things and i kind of like it but i'm still feeling really weird about it. i don't think i like anything i write so i will just shut up now.
today just felt like it would be a good day to go visit, a container of chinese food in one hand and two bottles of soda in the other as park jung su walks up the steps to the mbc building. a familiar face walks out as ee teuk goes to walk in(giving a smile that does not smile back at him); bloodshot eyes and a simple bow are all he is greeted with before the younger man decides to lead him over to a park bench away from the crowded walkway and ee teuk empties the contents of the container there carefully, handing kang in a soda bottle.
"hyung, how do you always know when something is wrong with me?"
"i just guessed that you must be hungry, you look like you haven't eaten in weeks," kang in stares at the food in silence for a moment before looking over at ee teuk. he chooses not to say anything about how he could feel the ridges in ee teuk's spine when he led him over to the bench, nor does he comment on the hollowed smile and bags under the pretty man's eyes.
"...you live in america, hyung," kang in whispers softly, almost threateningly. "i haven't seen your face for a year and now you come in at a time like this? with chinese food?"
"i thought you liked chinese food," ee teuk pouts, crossing one leg over the other with a sigh in feigned disappointment, tilting his head just so. sunlight peeks through his thick eyelashes, streaming down over auburn hair that has grown out past his shoulders. kang in begins to wonder if he can remember how ee teuk used to taste.
"you know, kang in-ah, i was writing a song yesterday when something came to my attention in the middle of writing and it affected me so greatly that i couldn't finish writing. it was about a boy who was in love and he thought that his love was like a song- his favorite song... like when heechul would listen to that 'tell me' song by the wonder girls and how ecstatic he would be when he would hear it. do you remember that?"
"mm," kang in replies between chews, having now picked up a container of chicken fried rice. it almost feels right to go back into the routine they used to have(conversations over dinner that usually ended up with ee teuk being philosophical and kang in hanging on his every word but pretending not to care at all).
"a favorite song that he kept on repeat for hours on end and even when he wasn't listening to it, he could still hear it in his mind. a lot like the name of the person he loved- he felt their name with every breath and it was wedged between every thought. their voice was something that stayed on his mind until he fell asleep at night and it was back again when he woke up in the morning... it got to there and i had to put down my pen."
"why?"
"heechul soon grew tired of the his favorite song being played wherever he went. he didn't want to hear it anymore," ee teuk looks over at kang in's perplexed expression, smiling faintly at the bits of rice on his face. "he found a new favorite song... he fell in love with another song."
"what does heechul have to do with anything?"
"let me go, kang in-ah. find another song to sing and another name to whisper as you sleep. you have a beautiful girlfriend-"
"hyung, you came to see me."
kang in smokes out on the balcony of ee teuk's hotel room and the older of the two doesn't have the heart to tell him not to. he's skinnier than ee teuk remembered, more muscular too. his jaw line is most defined in the moon light, smoke floating up above his head and into the night sky in ghostly shades of white. ee teuk's blanket isn't thick enough to keep him warm out here- not that he minds or anything because he likes the seoul air sending tremors down his spine reminding him of what he's lost. it's stunning just how quickly all the memories pull themselves together behind his eyelids and ee teuk doesn't remember being lifted up and pulled into kang in's lap, traces of cigarette smoke heavy in the air.
"teukie hyung, you don't have the burden of being a leader on your shoulders anymore- relax, huh," kang in speaks softly, curling his arms around the other man and breathing a sigh of relief when he feels the body relax back against his own.
he wants to tell ee teuk that he saw him break down in the airport that day. he wants to tell ee teuk that he wishes he could rewrite their endings and smooth out the edges with 'once upon a time' and 'happily ever after'. he wants to tell ee teuk that he misses groggy dimpled smiles when he wakes up in the morning. he wants to tell ee teuk that he misses him. there are so many other things kang in wants to say but he doesn't. somehow their fingers fit together, lacing underneath the blanket, and kang in finds that he doesn't need to say anything at all.
he watches in silence as ee teuk turns on the faucet, only turning it off when the water is filled up to the brim in the tub before dropping his phone with a soft plunk. it sinks to the bottom before surfacing upside down, cutting all ties with everyone that's ever done him wrong.
"that won't fix shit," kang in says after a moment as they watch the tiny shipwreck bob about.
"it's a start," ee teuk mumbles as he folds his arms over his chest. "don't you want to do it too?"
kang in fingers his phone for a moment before dropping his hand down by his side, chewing on his bottom lip as he speaks again, "it won't fix anything."
they make love on the floor by the fireplace that night. it's not as cheesy as the words make it out to be but it's not fucking. it never was fucking but it was always rushed. they had to keep quiet so that no one would know even though it would ache the next morning(with disappointment because it "wasn't supposed to be like this"). kang in's hands trace the contours of the smaller man's spine as arms curve around his neck and they kiss for what seems like hours because they know they have all of the time in the world.
ee teuk does cry, but only because he's never felt anything so real in his life(and he's torn between pushing the raven haired boy away and pulling him that much closer). he doesn't have to bite down on a pillow or feel like his whole world will turn upside down if someone opens the door. he feels so relieved and it washes over him like rain while kang in dots kisses against the side of his neck, begging him not to cry with soft words trickling over his skin and ee teuk doesn't think he knows how to stop.
"you still cry too much," kang in's voice is raspy as ee teuk traces patterns over his chest, looking into the fire that has long since gone out. "it's almost like nothing has changed." everything has changed, ee teuk thinks and almost says, but kang in's phone vibrates from the coffee table and he feels the bile rising his throat.
"it's her, kang in-ah."
"i know," he replies, the dull rattling against the table making his stomach churn as well.
kang in's phone cuts like a blade through the placid water, smashing at the bottom and floating to the top in fragments, swarming around and sticking to the fading cloud covered vessel as the ripples in the water slowly commence.