The Victory of Defeat

[glome]

The Victory of Defeat
Poem written after a period of anxiety and depression;
too much responsibility and a bit of an identity crises.
Praise God for “Working all things together for good” ... and ... XANAX!! :)

The Victory of Defeat

I’m battle worn and weary
But the battle is my own
I, myself, mine enemy
Demand to mount the throne.

Comments

[glome]

When I first rec'd your post ... I went to your site and read about Contra dancing. It was interesting and I researched it somewhat and watched UTube :) It was fun. I didn't get back to you right away so went back to your site to see about posting there. Oh my. I couldn't believe your post about Lorrie. I'm so sorry. I read only far enough to know you went through a terrible battle. You're right ... lot's has happened to you.
I remember one time, in the midst of aching long ago, a thought came that was a tny bit encouraging. Time passes. No matter how bad I handle a situation or how bad I messed up or how bad I feel ... time keeps on passing. I couldn't affect it; my pain couldn't make time stand still. No matter how bad I failed, some day things would be better. I'm happy for you that you've made it this far. :) What a great thing to fill time with such fun dancing. Burns up emotion, takes up time, and lets you have fun no matter where you are emotionally. I don't know whether it was planned or accident ... but it seems like a blessing.
And btw, I don't want ANYBODY advertising on our moon! :) Wouldn't that be very 21st century? Later...

[davehill]

Thanks for getting back to me.

I don't know why the moonvertising thing hit me so hard but I was absolutely furious when I heard about it. I've since written e-mails to both my senators and my representative and followed up with calls to all their offices and got acknoweldgement that they've received the e-mails and will consider my concern - meaning what? I really don't know. The Rolling Rock ad is scheduled for March 21, the next full moon. We shall see.

Google is paying $1b to some US government agency for something, who knows what. I suspect they have an expectation it will be money well spent for future rights for the reflected moon surface. Again - makes me absolutely furious at their arrogance and complete lack of cultural sensitivity and understanding and their staggering presumption that their corporate imperative trumps all others. How rude!

Lorrie's cancer was diagnosed May 11, 2006. She passed September 12, 2006. She suffered horribly in between, though we did get a grace period while we tried IPT, an alternative therapy that did indeed keep the cancer temporarily at bay - far gentler than standard chemotherapy. Unfortunately all it did was delay the process, did not result in remission. She was stage IV by the time we caught it and uterine cancer is extremely aggressive so stage IV uterine cancer is essentially a death sentence. While I didn't want to accept this until the last few weeks Lorrie was really quite alright throughout the whole process. She maintained her demeanor and good sense till the end, expressing her love and affection to all as she slowly passed beyond this existence. She was really a very remarkable and beautiful woman, a treasure to have blessed me with as much time as she did in this life.

I haven't been able to fully accept her departure but in recent months I have been able to make some significant moves to return to life again, contra dance being a major new addition to my life. A friend suggested that I get out and try it. Of course I resisted his attempts to get me involved. It's weird. I don't dance. It looked odd. Nobody else I know does this stuff. But of course that was all the more reason I should try it, nobody I knew would be there..., except my friend Steve. So I tried it and indeed this dance (and some international dancing and Israeli dancing I've also partcipated in) have become a very important addition in my life, something new in my life upon which I could begin to make a comeback. Meeting anybody at these dances didn't seem possible but that was because my mind was still so clouded and hurting that I couldn't see any possibilities for me either. Repeated exposures to the dance, however, began to make me considerably more comfortable with myself and in gaining that comfort I began to experience the pure joy of the dance, and in becoming attuned to the joy of the dance I began to radiate that sense of joy to others. In becoming a dancer radiating with pure joy I began to attract favorable notice from others. And so my new life really began to launch from there.

My story has not been written, I have no idea how it will actually turn out, but from this point forward I will get a chance to have input and steer things toward higher life goals - primarily my music, classical piano. A more rewarding and rich life is entirely possible for me now. I must pursue that.

Thanks again for responding.

New Poem

[glome]

Hi again.
I wrote a new poem yesterday. It probably is a little hard to follow. I didn't think about it yesterday, but this morning when I read it I thought of you.
See my last entry, Sweet Tyranny. I know you will understand, or at least feel, much of it :)

[davehill]

PS

My congressman wrote back to me with an extensively researched response letter to my irate inquiry.

Apparently the moonvertising campaign is a hoax from Rolling Rock.

In 1967 thre was a treaty between the USA and USSR banning the commercial exploitation of the moon and all celestial bodies in perpetuity. Nobody owns the rights to the moon, nobody can sell the rights, it cannot happen. Furthermore it appears that it is not technically possible to do what they, the Rolling Rock marketing group, had proposed, get a reflected laser image off the surface of the moon. To do so they would need a laser that has absolutely no spread characteristics (eventually even lasers spread over long distances) and the surface that is reflecting the image has to be perfectly smooth - the moon is anything but a smooth surface. Ergo the whole thing was an expensive nation-wide advertising gimic meant to stir me up, which it did rather successfully I might add. It certainly is not going to induce me to buy Rolling Rock beer..., not least because I don't drink and haven't drunk any alcohol for over three decades.

I better cut and finish my work.

Take care.

Dave